


A Rose At Twilight

by FizzyCustard



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Anxiety, Cunnilingus, Domestic Violence, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fantasy, Festivals, Fluff, Graphic Description of Corpses, Guilt, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lots of Roses!!, Mental Instability, Murder, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Originally Posted on Tumblr, POV Second Person, Physical Abuse, Plots To Kill, Poisoning, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Poster Coming To Life, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, References to Depression, Royalty, Sexual Content, Smut, Strangulation, Threats of Violence, Treason, Trying To Conceive, Violence, Wanting a baby, crossing worlds, imagine from tumblr, traitors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-21 09:43:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 60,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13738215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FizzyCustard/pseuds/FizzyCustard
Summary: (Originally written for Tumblr; re-edited and formatted) From the series 'Imagine your Thorin poster coming to life at night'. You notice that someone has been visiting you at night; things have moved and roses start appearing on your dresser. Your nightly visits with none other than Thorin Oakenshield start becoming more intense, passionate, and he is eager for you to return to Middle-earth and be his Queen. However, your abusive boyfriend Ryan stands in your way, intent on making your life hell. Will you and Thorin overcome all the obstacles to begin your new life together as King and Queen? And is your past with an abusive boyfriend the only challenge you now face in a new world? Your new friends and family help you uncover all your strength that you never realised you had. But will it be enough to fight away your past and the rising opposition of you becoming the Queen of Erebor?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally written in very small snippets for Tumblr. I've re-formatted the story to make the chapters longer. 
> 
> I have also included warnings in the tags, but will specify again: emotional and physical abuse. Domestic violence/bodily harm. Graphic descriptions of abuse.

 

 

 

CHAPTER ONE

 

Strange things had been happening of late: your belongings had been moving in the night, and one morning you had woken with your blanket on top of you which you normally kept folded at the end of your bed. To make matters worse, you lived on your own and didn't even have anyone else to check with to see if the same thing had been happening to them. 

Your first, immediate thought was: maybe a ghost? Your flat had been built on top of an old hospital which was demolished three decades ago. Maybe it was the spirit of a patient who couldn't find rest. The very thought of it made you shudder. 

One morning you woke and found a single, red rose on the dresser beside your bed. You shot up, sitting bolt upright as you noticed it and grabbed it, pricking your finger. 

“Ow!” you called out and dropped the flower to the floor as a thorn cut into your skin. Blood dripped down your index finger slowly. 

Could a ghost really conjure an object out of thin air? Or maybe was something a little more sinister going on here? Could it have been your boyfriend, Ryan? He didn’t have a key to your flat, but maybe he had some how acquired one and was sneaking into your place at night. It didn’t seem the kind of thing he would do, especially leaving flowers. Ryan was far from the romantic type. 

You grinned to yourself as your parcel came and the smiley postman handed you the box. “Thank you!” you cried loudly, grabbing the box and racing back inside. It had only been three days ago and you had put in your order on Amazon for the newest addition to your collection: a replica of the Key to Erebor from The Hobbit. It was intended to sit on your bookshelf next to your Orcrist sword and large poster of Thorin from the films. 

Laughing to yourself, you opened the box, looking upon the key which was protected in a wood and glass presentation box. 

You run into your bedroom and put the new addition to your collection on your bookshelf next to your Tolkien books and then stood back, admiring your pride and joy. 

Later on that day and Ryan came to visit you. He was in a bad mood, as usual, complaining about the day’s events at his work, a local garage where he worked as a mechanic. 

“Oh, I got my parcel today. My Key to Erebor,” you told him proudly. 

He looked at you, his dark eyes narrowing. “Is that all you ever care about?” he hissed. “Your fucking bullshit film collection?”

“I just thought I’d try and lighten the mood a little bit,” you replied, starting to grow nervous at his outburst. 

“No, you just wanted to discuss your own crap to invalidate mine,” Ryan shouted back, getting up from the table. “You constantly live in a fucking daydream. You’re pathetic, you know that?” 

Tears stung your eyes and you looked down sadly at the table. “I know I am.” 

“Pfft. At least you admit it.” 

Thankfully Ryan left not long after, lighting a cigarette on his way out. He turned to kiss you but you moved away, his previous words still haunting you, and instantly you felt him grab your arm. “Don’t fucking start again. Just give me a kiss,” he growled. Quickly you kissed him, pecking him on the lips and backed off. You saw him roll his eyes and then he disappeared into the dark evening. 

As you shut the door, you pressed your back to the wall and wept. Of course you were pathetic; you had always loved fantasy worlds, hoping that someone would come and take you away where you could live out the rest of your life in happiness. You had never felt you belonged in this cruel world where it was dog eat dog. Everyone was out for themselves, driven by greed, selfishness and conforming to an empty society that valued property ownership, outward beauty and hiding the truth. 

In bed you curled under the duvet, crying into your pillow and hoping of a day when you would finally find some kind of contentment. 

You drifted off to sleep shortly afterwards, completely oblivious to the figure sat next to you on the bed. His hand drifted through your hair and he smiled down at you, desperately wanting to pick you up in his arms and take you to that place you were yearning for so much. 

“If it were up to me, you would be my Queen,” he whispered. 

 

***

Your sleep was broken that night and you tossed and turned, thoughts of Ryan’s outburst still fresh in your mind. You had drifted to sleep, but now staying within a slumber was proving difficult. 

The clock at the foot of your bed shone green in the dark, telling you it was just after half one in the morning. You rolled over, dropping on to your back and for a few seconds you stared at the ceiling, watching the shadows dance on the white paint. 

A feeling of being watched washed over you, igniting terror. Your eyes darted around the room, checking for any sign, when suddenly you noticed the outline of someone sat right beside you in your bedside chair. A weak scream escaped your throat and you began to shake from head to foot. 

“Do not be afraid,” a voice instructed. That voice sounded eerily familiar. 

 _It can’t be_ , you thought.  _I’m imagining things._  

The lightest touch caressed your hand and you screamed again, louder, moving backwards so quickly that you hit the wall next to you; a sharp, splintering pain soaring through your elbow. “Please don’t hurt me,” you called out, begging in your fright, still unable to see the form of the person who had broken into your flat. 

“Hurt you? Impossible,” the voice came again. “Do not fear me. Never fear me.” 

“Who are you?” you asked, your voice shaking and your breathing so sharp in your chest that it felt as if your whole rib cage would explode. 

“I think you already have your suspicions.” 

You reached over slowly, your hand shaking, and you felt for the lamp on your dresser. Anticipation was surging through you alongside the terror. Was it really who you thought it was? 

Light flooded the room and illuminated the man sat next to you. 

“This is a dream,” you whispered. You closed your eyes, pressing them shut hard and then opened them again, but he was still there. A smirk was present on his lips as his silver blue eyes watched you in amusement. 

“I can assure you that I am real,” he replied, leaning forwards in the chair, smiling at you. 

That voice melted within you, a voice so deep and mixed with velvet. His eyes were bright, his hair the colour of a raven with a few streaks of silver, showing his true age, despite still looking young. His lips were still curled upwards into a gentle smile, surrounded by a neatly trimmed beard. 

“How can this be happening?” you asked, blinking again, trying to wake yourself up from the dream you were trying to persuade yourself you were having. However, you didn’t wake. Thorin was still sat in front of you, still smiling at you. 

In that moment you pieced together all of what had been occurring recently. The rose. The objects moving around your room. Waking up with your blanket over you. “You’ve visited me before, haven’t you?” you asked. 

Thorin’s smile grew and he leaned closer towards you. “Yes,” he replied simply. 

“The rose? That was from you?” 

“Yes. I would gladly give you more.” His eyes studied you. “I apologise if I have scared you. That was never my intention.” 

You got up from the bed, watching him as you nearly tripped up over your washing basket. Thorin chuckled in amusement at you, knowing that you were confused, scared and curious about what was happening. He got to his feet, approaching you slowly as you backed out of the room. “I will not harm you, nor will I touch you against your will,” he told you. 

You let him come closer towards you; both of you stood eye to eye, the same height. He raised his hand slowly. “May I?” he asked softly. 

All you could do was nod, all comprehension and reasoning having left you. 

Shivers raced through you as his hand cupped your cheek, and you surrendered. You closed your eyes, allowing the pleasurable feelings to completely consume you. A gasp found its way up through your throat, and you knew right then that you would never find a more pleasurable touch. 

This all had to be a dream. Of course it was a dream. That or you were going insane...slowly. Had your obsession with The Hobbit become so integral to your mental wellbeing that you had somehow started hallucinating that the character of Thorin Oakenshield was real and standing before you? 

As he cupped your cheek, you moved away after a few seconds, succumbing to tears. “I’m insane,” you said, closing your eyes again, hard, so that it became painful. You grit your teeth. “None of this is real. I’m hallucinating and I’m losing my mind.” 

“All of this is real. I am here,” Thorin told you, his voice firm. 

“Of course you’re going to say that. You’re a figment of my imagination,” you said, beginning to babble, but keeping your eyes tightly shut. “You’re not really there...” Then you began backing out of the room, until you turned on your heels and dashed into the small hallway and continued on into your kitchen. “You’re not there. If I ignore you then maybe you’ll go away...Yes, that’s what I need to do. Ignore your voice, not look at you and you’ll go away.” The whole time you were racing to your kitchen and you carried on babbling to yourself, trying to convince your sick mind that this wasn’t real.

Thorin followed you, sighing in exasperation, his loud footfalls echoing down the wooden floored hallway. “I am here. Listen to me. Look at me!” Thorin’s voice was full of frustration. “Please  _listen_  to me!” 

“Go away!” you shouted, slamming the door as you entered your kitchen. “You’re not real. Ryan was right. I’m obsessed and I’m imagining you’re there.” You slid down onto the tiles in your kitchen with your back against the cupboards and wept, drawing your knees up to your chest. “I’m insane. Oh, fuck! I’ve lost touch with reality.” 

The other side of the door and Thorin was tempted to barge in, whisk you up into his arms and show you how real he was. But your sobbing from inside hit him hard and he felt a lump in his throat. How could he show you that he was really there? All he wanted was for you to acknowledge him and  _know_  he was real. Thorin hung his head in guilt and brushed his fingertips against the door which was keeping him apart from you. “I shall go,” he whispered. 

After a few minutes you raised your head from your lap and looked around the dark room. You could just about make out the outline of your dining table and chairs. The clock from your microwave shone in the dark. 2:00am. 

You sniffed away the tears and rose from the floor slowly, feeling apprehensive regarding what you would find the other side of that door. You moved towards it, reaching out with a trembling hand, and closed your eyes, inhaling sharply. 

He had gone. 

In your room and you looked up at the poster on your wall, your eyes studying the image of the man who had just been standing before you, insisting he was real. But now he was just an image printed onto paper. You reached forward and pressed your hand against the image, feeling the cool of the paper. Of course it was just a picture. 

For the next hour you lay in bed, terrified of what was going to happen to you now. What if another mental break occurred? Would it happen at work, around your family, or even Ryan? Your eyes kept studying the poster, watching for any kind of movement. 

When you woke the next morning, you bat your stinging eyelids against the sunlight. For a few seconds you had forgotten about the previous night’s events, but then they began filtering through and you wept again. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kind comments that you have given me since uploading the first chapter of this story. Originally it was being posted in very small snippets and that is why it's fairly quick paced. I've been editing the chapters out and meshing multiple snippets (which were originally uploaded onto Tumblr) together to form new, longer chapters. Hope you enjoy this next part.

CHAPTER TWO

 

 

The rest of the day and you tried your hardest to put your mind away from the thoughts of what had happened the night previously. You served customers at your job in the local music and film shop, forcing a smile and trying to keep awake with non-stop coffee on breaks during stock checks. 

By the end of your shift and you were drained in every sense, physically, emotionally and mentally. 

As you got to your door and pulled out your key, your neighbour, a middle aged man from the maisonette flat next door, greeted you. “Is everything alright?” he asked, his hands full of bags of grocery shopping. 

You looked at him, confused. “How do you mean? I’m fine.” 

“I heard you arguing with your boyfriend last night. It was fairly late, around half one. I thought about coming round and knocking on your door.” 

You froze. “Erm, yeah, everything’s fine. You know, lover’s tiff and all that. Thanks though, Terry.” 

You opened your door as quick as you could and slammed it behind you. 

Thorin must have been real. Your next door neighbour had heard you telling him to go away as you had battled with your own sanity, but also must have heard Thorin’s voice. 

After slamming the door behind yourself, you quickly dashed back out into the damp air of the autumn evening. “Terry?” you called. Your neighbour was just about to close his front door and reappeared. 

“Yeah?” 

“What exactly did you hear last night?” 

“Well, I couldn’t hear the exact argument but I could definitely hear your voice and a man’s. It was quite a deep voice, and to be honest, I wasn’t sure if it was your boyfriend’s. It sounded deeper than his, but it’s not my business to ask.” 

“Okay,” you said softly. “Thanks.”

Thorin was real. How in the name of hell was he real? 

You ran back into your flat and raced through into your bedroom. For a few seconds you stared at the poster on your wall. Was this where he had been coming from? “How can you be real?” you whispered, looking up at the image. “I believe you are, but how?” 

***

For three nights you remained vigilant, hoping and praying that Thorin would come back to you. But your words of telling him to be gone must have sealed his resolution to not come back. During the nights you kept waking every hour and would call his name into the darkness, your heart pounding in excitement and anticipation at hearing his voice again. 

Nothing. 

On the afternoon of the fourth day since you had met Thorin, Ryan came to visit you. He brought a four pack of lager with him, but you could see he was already fairly intoxicated when he walked into the flat. He was staggering, his eyes heavy and his speech slurred. 

“You’re drunk, Ry. Go home,” you told him as he followed you into the flat. 

“Fuck that. I’m staying here...” 

The look in Ryan’s eyes began to scare you as he came closer. “You stink of beer,” you hissed and shoved him away. 

He grabbed you tight at your hip and pulled you against him and then kissed you, his wet lips sliding against yours. 

“Get off me!” you shouted, shoving him away. 

Ryan raised his hand and slapped you hard down the left hand side of your face, almost knocking you off your feet. Pain stripped through your face and you rocked backwards, only to then feel him grab your breast perversely. “Come on, babe. You like playing rough.” 

Anger rose in you and you shoved him as hard as you could, pushing him completely to the ground. He looked up at you, shocked by your outburst and sudden retaliation. 

“Get the fuck out!” you growled. “And don’t you dare come near me again.” 

Ryan left your flat, dazed and silent. As your front door slammed shut, you fell backwards into a dining room chair and wept again. Where had that sudden surge in strength come from? Everything of late was becoming overwhelming, and you felt that intense need to get away wash over you again. 

***

Two days later and you received a call from one of your mutual friends of Ryan. He was an ex colleague of yours who had introduced you to Ryan about a year previously. Your friend’s voice came down the phone line at you quickly and almost frantic. “Ryan has been attacked and is in hospital.” 

“Hospital?” you asked. You looked around to see if anyone else was close enough to hear you as you sat in a local Starbucks drinking a coffee. “What happened?” You felt genuine concern for Ryan, wanting to know how severe his injuries were. “Is he alright?”

“He’s got concussion, a broken nose and missing a couple of teeth, but doctors say he’ll be okay. Do you know anyone who could have done this to him? He was on his way back from the pub around midnight when someone jumped him just outside his flat. The only description that Ry could give was it was a short bloke with long hair. And the strangest thing was, he had a sword on him.” 

Immediately you sat bolt upright in your chair and felt shivers race down your spine, freezing cold. Short man with long hair, carrying a sword? 

***

After work you raced home, running for the bus and then running again to your flat. Your whole world was spiralling out of control, but the bottom line was, you liked it. Someone had defended you, attacking your now ex-boyfriend for his disrespect and abuse. The thought of it all made you shiver from head to foot and smile at the same time. 

By now it was dark as the autumn night closed in. The roads were shining with a fresh gleam of rain, and in the air a fine mist was beginning to descend. 

You ran into your flat and straight into your bedroom, switching on the light. 

“Thorin, I don’t know if you can hear me,” you said, slightly breathless, and feeling stupid for talking to nothing but thin air and a piece of paper on your wall. “I’m sorry for telling you to go away. I know what you did for me. You attacked Ryan. Please, come to me tonight.” 

You waited. 

Every slight bump or knock and you felt your heart leap. You remained on high alert to every sound. When you showered, you rushed to get dry and back into your room. You then fetched yourself a cup of tea, rushing around the kitchen to get back in your room. 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered as you lay yourself down for the light, switching off your bedside lamp. By now the excitement of everything swirling around you became overwhelming and you dozed, swaying into a light sleep. 

Until suddenly you jolted awake, gasping. 

“Thorin?” you called out, praying with everything inside you that he would answer. “Please be there.  _Please._ ” 

You reached out and turned on your lamp, letting light illuminate the room. 

Tears fell down your cheeks as you looked upon your room and Thorin was nowhere in sight. “Why are you hiding from me?” you asked. “I’m sorry for what I said. 

However, as you looked at the poster on your wall, you gasped again. His image was not there; the paper was only coloured by a blue background. 

“Who said I was hiding?” a voice came, and your bedroom door slowly creaked open. 

You felt your whole body freeze as you admired his form. He walked towards you, a smirk curling his lips upwards. “However could I stay away?” he asked, standing before you at the side of your bed. His blue eyes studied you, those beautiful eyes which held sadness and a sense of something longed for. 

“You attacked Ryan?” you asked. 

Thorin’s eyes grew darkened by his frustration and hatred for the man who had disrespected you. “No one dishonours you,” Thorin hissed. “Most of all the one who should love you and defend you.” 

Complete silence overtook you. How could you answer such a statement? Was he declaring love to you? How could he  _love_ you? 

Thorin sat down beside you, turning his upper body to face you. “I have watched over you for some time now; I’ve seen your tears, heard your laughter, and you have the spirit and heart of a Queen.” 

You looked down, trying to comprehend his words and this whole situation. For a few seconds you forced your eyes shut and then looked up at him, smiling sadly. “You don’t know me as well as you think you do,” you said. “You talk as though I’m strong and fierce, and I’m not.” 

Thorin moved towards you. “You do not see yourself as I do. I heard you defend yourself against that oaf you have called your lover. There is strength in you, and you must believe in it.”

“That wasn’t strength. That was me trying to imagine being you.” 

 “Never be ashamed of yourself. Never,” Thorin insisted as he watched you hang your head. “Be proud of who you are, because I know I’m proud of you.” 

You looked at Thorin as he sat beside you on the bed and smiled weakly at him. “If only things were that easy. You’ve got to be careful here. Attacking someone is a serious offence, and you can be arrested for it. Ryan described you as his attacked and I knew straight away that it was you.” 

Thorin scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Then he should not have dared touch you the way he did. Vile, disgusting piece of filth. No honour, no respect...” 

You reached forward and touched Thorin’s hand. “Just be careful, please. I’m not worth getting yourself arrested for and thrown in prison. And, anyway, how have you become so good at sneaking about?” 

“I may have borrowed your key,” Thorin said and then smirked. “I know that you leave your bag next to your bed, and after I heard your altercation, I could not allow him to get away with his actions.” 

“So, you can see me even during the day time?” you asked. 

“I can see you, but I cannot move into your world until the sun has set,” Thorin replied. 

“I can only imagine the weird crap you’ve had to watch and hear,” you giggled. 

Thorin looked at you, shifting so he could turn himself towards you. “Watching you and being able to sit beside you as you have slept has lightened by heart greatly, dear one. I am glad that at present the nights are longer. It means I have more time to spend with you.” 

In that moment you decided not to ask any more questions, and just allow the situation to unfold naturally as it was meant to. There was some supernatural force at play here; you had no idea what it was, but you said a silent prayer in your heart, thanking whoever was responsible for giving you this chance to find a connection with someone who genuinely cared for you. If this was indeed the Thorin you had always admired, then you knew he was kind, honourable, steadfast and would do anything in his power to protect you, as long as your intentions to him remained true. 

You leaned against Thorin, your cheek being tickled by the fur on his pelt. “Thank you,” you whispered. “For caring.”

Thorin kissed your head and drew his arm around you. “I not only care for you, my dearest, I love you.” 

He  _loved_ you? You had been having suspicions since you first met him that his feelings for you ran deep, but the words actually being said hit you hard. You swallowed hard and your heart jumped as a pleasurable shiver wound its way down your body. This man was prepared to fight for you, attacking anyone who disrespected you and that made you yearn for him, as well as the lust in his eyes, the beautiful words he spoke and his gentle touch. 

Your eyes remained locked for a few more seconds until you leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss against his lips. You felt his beard tickle your chin and you smiled beneath the kiss. And then you felt his hand brush up your cheek, cupping it and caressing your skin. 

The kiss grew deeper until you both lost your breaths and the heat mounted to such a plateau that you found yourself straddling him, your hips rocking against his. His right arm was holding your body tight to him, and his left hand was still in your hair. Thorin groaned, the sound becoming lost between your locked lips, until he began nuzzling and sucking your neck. 

“My love,” he moaned loudly against you. 

You had never felt so loved, treasured and worshipped as you did in those moments with Thorin. 

The excitement of having Thorin beside you only kept you awake for so long, until fatigue began to get the better of you. The Dwarf King held you in his arms as you both lay down on your bed, warm beneath the covers and encased in each other. 

You breathed in deep, savouring Thorin’s unique aroma. It was so unlike anything you had smelled before; leather mixed with musk, with the slightest touch of tobacco and earth. 

“You must rest now,” he told you, his deep voice resonating from within his chest and throat, then vibrating through you. That voice was enough to send you over the edge with delight. 

Thorin began to hum against you and kissed your hair, holding you tight. However, the realisation that you wouldn't wake up next to him began to unfold and you turned around in his arms. He smiled as you faced him, and you suddenly had the urge to kiss his long nose. Thorin chuckled at the impact of your lips tickling his nose and held you even tighter. 

“I want to wake up next to you but you’ll be gone in the morning,” you said sadly. 

“Do not think on it just now,” Thorin told you. “Allow yourself to sleep. I will always be with you in spirit.” 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story, again, as stated previously, may seem as though it is running along quite quickly, but this was originally written for Tumblr and in small snippets. Thank you so much for all the kind comments, kudos and encouragement that you've shown me for this story. It's still unfinished, but is currently at around chapter five (originally around seventeen parts on Tumblr; so as you can see, the parts on Tumblr were quite small). I hope to begin working on my stories again soon as I've had a rough few months emotionally and mentally, but I'm gradually getting there. As always, I lift myself out of it, and I'm on the way to getting the help I need to thrive. 
> 
> This chapter is starting to get a little more explicit sexually, but I try and keep all my sex scenes as tasteful as I can. All the domestic violence and emotional/physical/mental abuse has been stated in the tags, so if it's something that offends or triggers you, then maybe this story isn't the best to read. And the abuse does get worse in the next couple of chapters.

CHAPTER THREE

 

Every morning you woke in both sadness and contentment. There was a contentment that your heart had finally found somewhere to call home, but your sadness was that you could not go through your days with Thorin beside you. 

Each evening and you would wait for the sun to set and by the time you had made it into your room, he would be there, waiting for you. You would both rush into each other’s arms, kissing, and feeling yourselves fall deeper into that place of refuge where your hearts were most happy. 

Just being in the arms of someone who truly cared for you made your spirit soar. This had been the one thing you had been searching for avidly for years, and only up until recently you had almost given up on ever finding it. 

Thorin was gentle, strong, protective, kind and loving. All the things Ryan was not. His large hands would trail over your still clothed body, never trying to delve any further but only going as far as you allowed him to go. 

By your fourth night together and Thorin began pleasuring you with his hand, his fingers circling your throbbing sex, and he would watch you writhe on the bed, your eyes overshadowed by your lust. All he wanted was please you, in every way he knew how to, and to treat you as the Queen he so longed for you to one day be beside him. You would come beneath his gaze, shuddering, groaning and arching your back. Then Thorin would kiss you, and wind himself around you, wanting you to rest. 

After a week of Thorin visiting you each night and you took it upon yourself to pleasure him. He lay back, his navy tunic open wide, revealing dark hair across his broad chest. You had unbuckled his large belt and began delving into his breeches. You couldn’t help but gasp, delightfully surprised at what awaited you. Thorin’s manhood was broad and he swallowed hard as you began to tease your fingers down its length, wanting to bring him to his peak. 

You kissed down his chest slowly, your hand still teasing his shaft. Thorin groaned and arched upwards, wanting so much to take you and claim your body, but he was a gentleman and would only go as far as you wished. Your lips trailed lower and lower, coming to the waist of his breeches which you eagerly pulled aside. Then you took him in your mouth, trying hard not to gag on his impressive size. 

“W....what are you... doing?” he asked, moaning between the words which were having a hard time coming coherently from his mouth. 

“Lie back and enjoy it,” you told him, before taking his manhood back in your mouth. You let him slip back and forth in your mouth, listening to his groans become louder. You kept on trying to resist the urge to gag... with success. 

“I want to look in your eyes as I release,” Thorin whispered. “Please.” 

In those moments and Thorin was vulnerable, trusting you with the side of him that no one else would ever see. No one else would see him bearing all. It would only ever be you.

You did as Thorin requested and shifted back up the bed, keeping his manhood in your hand and kept the movement going to make sure he was given the pleasure he deserved. 

His blue eyes met yours and he smiled. “Kiss me,” he whispered. Thorin’s hand swept into your hair as you kissed hungrily and his groans became even louder and you pulled away slowly, your gazes never unlocking as he came. 

 

***

 

Your nights with Thorin were becoming hotter, more tense and bursting with frustration as you both fought your inner primal urges. His smell, his voice, his touch, everything about him was intoxicating, and to the point that during the day you could never focus on tasks at hand. He was a highly addictive drug that had taken over your complete system. Had you ever felt like this with Ryan? The blunt answer was: no. Your relationship with Ryan had started off nicely, with him calling you, texting, and asking how your day was going. In those early days, things had been nice, only  _nice_. Then they went downhill, your inner arm bells ringing when the texts stopped and his interest in his friends and nights out became heightened, and he left you behind. You had been his girlfriend in name only. Sex with Ryan never satisfied you; instead, he always made sure he had reached climax, and would then roll over, ignoring your needs. 

Ten days after Ryan’s attack and you received a text message whilst you were taking stock checks on the current new release DVDs which were about to be placed out on the shelves. 

_I want to talk to you, babe. I’m so sorry for what happened. I miss you._

“I bet you fucking do,” you growled, shoving your phone back in your hoodie pocket. Then the thought of Thorin holding you, kissing your ear and down your face, and along your jaw made you smile. A pleasurable shiver raced down your spine, and you knew it was time. Tonight you would let him make love to you. Ever since your first meeting and he had remained composed, never allowing himself to go further than what you wished. You wanted him inside you, to become a part of you and to deepen your bond. 

Your shift finished at four and by the time you got home, dusk was descending, just in time for Thorin’s arrival. 

You dashed into your flat and changed out of your work clothes, and then turned on the shower. The intention was to have a quick shower, cook food and then wait for Thorin. However, that plan didn’t pan out as you expected. You never realised how dark it had become outside, the autumn nights drawing in so much quicker. As you showered, you felt arms embrace you from behind and immediately it drew a whisper of his name off your tongue. 

“My love,” he replied, stepping in fully to the hot water. His hands remained locked around your naked body as he kissed down your neck and top of your back. You groaned, bucking your body back into him where you felt his erection press against you. 

“I want to see you,” you told him and turned around, smiling as you saw those beautiful silver blue eyes gazing at you in longing and love. You drew your arms around his neck and kissed him, allowing your passion for this man to completely consume you and control your movements. 

Your bond with Thorin was unlike any bond you had had in your life so far. Not only did you feel drawn to him physically, but when you had conversed about your lives, and you knew of his struggles, not only from reading about his life in text, but your heart and spirit felt as if they shared in it all with him. Something was tied to him now, and you were sure he felt the same. 

Both of you moved to your bed, still wet, still naked and still clinging to each other. You dropped to the bed, Thorin moving with you so that he was over you and you continued kissing, exploring each other and giving in to your instinctual need for companionship, fulfilled desire and climax. 

As Thorin’s lips trailed down your body, seeking for those places that made you go wild, you opened your legs, feeling the desperate need for him. You panted and groaned, your hand lacing in his. Never before had you felt this aroused, so ready to fall from such a great height. 

Thorin began lapping between your open legs, his beard tickling against your tingling flesh. Your groans became louder and your grip in his hand grew tighter as his lapping and sucking intensified. And then you felt a shockwave hit you, a crescendo bursting forth at the juncture between your thighs, making you shake and cry out. 

Your breathing was still coming in gasps as Thorin lay beside you, his hand still tight in yours. He kissed your lips gently, and you could taste your juices on his tongue. “Rest now,” he whispered. 

“No,” you replied. “I want you. All of you. I want it to be tonight.” 

Thorin smiled, looking down for a second, and then his gaze drifted back to meet yours. “If I give myself over to you completely, then know that I am yours. Dwarves only take one in their lifetime, their true and destined companion. And I ask that you will treat me as the same.” 

You kissed Thorin and pressed your forehead to his. “I could never want anyone else,” you told him. 

Thorin rose over you, and again, your hands remained tightly bound together as you began your second round of pleasure seeking intimacy, only this time neither of you held back. You both groaned, gasped and rocked against each other, your bodies meeting. 

You thrust against each other, his impressive manhood stretching you and touching upon your inner most sensitive spot again and again. Thorin’s lips never lost contact with you, slipping onto every piece of exposed flesh that they could reach. 

Your climax was building, until it shifted and you arched upwards, Thorin still against you and his arm reaching around your back. The final wave pulsed and racked through you like electric. He continued on thrusting, feeling you shudder and contract around him, and then he too fell away, spilling deep within you. 

Thorin was breathing heavily, his forehead against yours. Both of you looked at each other, smiling. “I intend to take you home where you belong,” he whispered, placing a gentle kiss against your lips. 

***

Thorin couldn’t believe his ears when you agreed to go back to Erebor with him. However could you leave him now? There was nothing in this world that you would consider staying for; you had little to no contact with your family, few friends and a mediocre, menial job that you sometimes hated. Thorin was your heart’s desire and your pathway into something new, exciting and everything you had ever dreamed of. 

“How will I actually get back through with you?” you asked Thorin, both of you still lying on the bed, idly tangled together after another round of love making. 

“Touch the paper,” Thorin told you. “And you will see. The way is open back to Middle-earth.” 

You got up, reluctantly pulling yourself from Thorin’s embrace, and got out of bed. The paper on the wall, kept in place by six pins, was empty with only a blue background. This was where Thorin normally stood, holding Orcrist in hand. A shiver of excitement shot down your spine as you reached out, your hand beginning to shake in apprehension. 

It was not paper. Your hand disappeared into the wall, seeming to melt. You pulled back suddenly, gasping. 

Then you felt Thorin embrace you. He stood behind you, his lips at your ear. “All we have to do is step through together, and you shall be my Queen. You have not only completed me, but also my kingdom. A good King needs the counsel of a Queen at his side.” 

For hours you discussed your reign within the mountain of Erebor, lay beside Thorin. You laughed, gasped and shivered at the thought of what was about to open before you. 

“When you are ready, my love,” Thorin told you. “I will not pressure you, but know that I am waiting patiently for the day to come when you will step through with me.” 

Dawn was approaching, and as you saw the faint lightening of the sky, red and orange beginning to spread further outwards, you kissed Thorin. “I love you,” you told him. “Give me today to pack a couple of my things I want to take with me, and tonight I’ll come with you.” 

Thorin threw you both into another kiss, hot and hungry. And as your kiss ended, sadness welled in his eyes. “I must dress.” 

You watched on as Thorin re-dressed, and then your gaze turned to the growing morning. Sleep was not going to come to you so easily. 

Before Thorin disappeared that morning, his form gradually leaving the space before you and re-appearing on the paper on your wall, he left you with his ring. It had the markings of his family’s crest upon it, and he kissed you one last time. 

“Tonight. I promise,” you told him. 

***

As the day dawned, you pulled out a shoulder bag and put into it your old journals, jewellery from your lost loved ones and a small toy of a black dog that you had had since you were a baby. You looked up at your Thorin poster and smiled, feeling a heat rise in your chest and stomach. “I love you,” you told him.

You had a late shift at work and by then you were feeling the pangs of fatigue, but you soldiered on, strengthened by your resolve to finish off the time in your world and then be with Thorin at nightfall. 

Work seemed to pass by slowly, each minute seeming like an hour. Angry customers, happy customers, and those in between all passed through the doors, throwing their money into your till, wanting the newest film or game release.  But the thought of Thorin got you through, and the prospect of finally being able to wake up in his arms. It seemed such a far off thought now when you tried to imagine that he had only ever been a character you admired. He was now wound into your heart and governed you completely. 

On your way out of work and you took your phone out of your shoulder bag, checking messages. Due to being on the tills all afternoon and evening, you hadn’t had chance to check your phone. 

 _You cheating piece of shit._  

It was from Ryan. Cheat? Your relationship with Thorin had blossomed  _after_ your split with Ryan. And how had Ryan even found out about Thorin? There was no way that he could be traced in this world. Thorin Oakenshield didn’t exist. 

You ignored his message as you did his last. What could he do to you? A feeling of dread overcome you suddenly, something you rarely experienced. But something was wrong here, very wrong. 

Finally, nearly an hour later and you arrived back at your flat. The front door was ajar, a sign that someone had broken in. Your heart began to pound and pulsate in your throat. Thorin’s well being was the first thing that began to concern you. It was dark now so he would have been inside. 

You walked into the flat slowly, treading on shattered glass which cracked beneath your shoes. As you turned on the light you saw that all the framed pictures in your hallway had been ripped off the walls and smashed. 

Fear surged through you. You closed your eyes, batting away tears and then swallowed hard, walking into your bedroom. “Thorin?” you called. 

No answer. 

Light flooded your room as you switched on the light, and then you screamed, almost dropping onto your knees. Tears fell down your cheeks as you wept uncontrollably. “No,” you called out, sobbing. 

Amongst smashed ornaments, ripped up books and cracked DVDs were the shredded pieces of your Thorin poster. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To answer a question that someone asked: I don't have Tumblr anymore, unfortunately. I did post a lot of my works over there and had a masterlist, but due to issues going on, which I won't go into, I deleted my account. I no longer have any social media at all, and only really update things here. So my stories are only accessible through AO3. Sorry! 
> 
> Again, thank you so much for all the comments and kudos on this story. It was just a silly idea that I came up with and started off as an imagine on Tumblr, which later grew into an actual fanfic. I do have other imagines I'd like to write as well, but just haven't gotten around to them yet. 
> 
> My writing has kind of been put on the back burner for now because of personal issues going on, and just wanting to be in a good frame of mind to start writing again. So, for now, I'm just uploading already written stuff. 
> 
> Enjoy!

CHAPTER FOUR

 

Your whole life seemed to have been torn apart and burned right before you. All of the excitement, hopes and dreams had been smashed, taken from you in one act of anger and jealousy. 

As you sat on your bedroom floor, holding the remnants of your poster, you wept. This was the doorway to your future, the very future that you had been planning on beginning with Thorin. 

***

The police took your statement about the events, and despite you telling them who you knew had ransacked your flat, and showing them the text message you had received an hour previously, you still knew that very little would be done to bring Ryan to justice. He would probably get away with a slap on the wrist and told not to do it again. 

For the first day after crying yourself to sleep, and you sat in disbelief, your hands tracing the ripped poster in your hands. Your world had broken apart, shattered like the glass still littering your hallway. You walked around your flat completely lifeless, breaking into tears on and off throughout the day, your hand curling around Thorin’s ring which was on a chain around your neck. This was the only thing you had left of him, the real Thorin. 

It took two days for you to even begin cleaning up the broken glass, to tidy up all the books which had been thrown across rooms and even scrub the smeared human excrement out of your sofa; that was a typical Ryan statement. One of your work mates, Luke, had even offered to help you after hearing of your situation when you had called in work and asked to take a few days to get everything back in order. 

“He’s a fucking arsehole,” Luke hissed as he saw all the mess across your living room carpet. 

 _Thanks for that, Captain Obvious,_  you thought sarcastically to yourself. But you just faked a weak smile and offered Luke a cup of tea and thanked him again for his proposed help. 

Luke worked on your kitchen, putting all of your utensils back and cleaning up the food which had been thrown across surfaces and had congealed, whilst you remained in your room, secretly crying again with the door shut. You stood with your back to the wall, your hand against your mouth as you gasped for air, feeling terror hit you. Your whole body began to shake and you closed your eyes, resting further against the wall and praying Luke wouldn’t hear you. 

Early that evening and Luke turned to you, both of you having cleaned and tidied the majority of the mess and rubbish away. You could tell that look in his face; he was waiting for you to offer that he stay longer, or maybe even show him some kind of physical sign of interest. You backed away and rubbed your temples. 

“Thank you for your help today, mate. I really appreciate it. I need a lie down now. Got a headache coming on, and I think my mom is on about coming round to check on me,” you lied. 

“Oh, okay,” he said, disappointment showing on his face. 

As Luke left your flat you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. Men! They always wanted something in return for their help. 

You ate a take away meal, forcing the food down you as your appetite waned. The pizza seemed quite appealing in the picture on the leaflet that you had kept pinned on your board in the kitchen, but as you opened the box, you wrinkled your nose. 

***

On your third day of being back at work and you were sat alone in the kitchen area next to the stock rooms, drinking a shop brought cup of coffee and a cinnamon bun. So far and things had gone fairly well; your colleagues had asked if you were alright, then swiftly started talking about themselves, as always. You just tried to keep yourself isolated where you could sit with your own thoughts, which always focused on Thorin. 

Luke came into the kitchen, offering a greeting and then switched the kettle on before pulling up a seat in front of you. His eyes began studying Thorin’s ring around your neck which rested on top of your shirt between your breasts. 

“What’s that?” he asked, nodding his head towards the ring. 

You remained silent for a moment, fright hitting you. “Erm, it’s a family heirloom,” you said, faking a smile. “My mom gave it me. I think it was my grandad’s.” 

Luke chuckled. “I hate to say it, but it’s an ugly bloody thing.” 

The smile drained from your face suddenly and an almighty wave of intense anger came over you. “Fuck you!” you shouted, shoving your drink across the table which splashed all down Luke’s chest and arms, covering him in chai latte. 

The legs of the chair screeched across the floor as you shoved it back and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind you. 

You dashed into the ladies toilet and sat down, sobbing. 

***

By the time you got home and it was dark. The street lights illuminated your way as you walked slowly back to your flat, your head low and your eyes stinging with impending tears.

Would this ever get any better? Would you ever truly smile again or feel happiness? It all seemed so impossible, so far away and so out of reach. 

In your room shortly afterwards, you turned on the light and began to get undressed into your pyjamas for the evening. However, something red caught your eye on the floor next to your shredded poster. 

You gasped. 

It was a rose. 

 

***

** Erebor, Middle-earth **

Nights in Erebor became cold again for Thorin. He looked at the shards of broken mirror on his bed chamber floor, the mirror which had allowed him to pass through to you. 

When he discovered the broken mirror, he had felt terror hit him hard and he dropped to his knees on the stone floor, instinctively grabbing pieces of glass, only to feel pain strike as one piece ripped through the palm of his hand. How had the mirror been smashed when he always locked his door, not wanting anyone to fall upon his secret? 

On the night that he had found his mirror broken and he remained on the floor, on his knees and with his head bowed. Then he heard your sobs, mixed with calls of his name. 

“My love?” he whispered, his eyes red and swollen. “I can hear you!” 

However, no matter how much he called to you, you didn’t respond, only continued sobbing, oblivious to your connection. 

The sound seemed to be coming from one particular shard of glass which was almost a perfect square in its shape. Thorin picked it up, only to feel his thumb sink through into the reflection of himself. 

***

Thorin pushed a rose through the shard of glass each night and kept it wrapped in silk during the day and in a pocket in his tunic, not wanting this one tiny connection to you to ever get lost. After dark and he would listen to you, your voice coming from inside the piece of mirror and he would smile. He could hear you talking to him, your words always beginning with,  _“I don’t know if you can hear me.”_ Then you would talk about your day, you would thank him for the rose, and most importantly, tell him you loved him. 

Through Thorin listening to you, he discovered that it was Ryan who had caused the break in your nightly visits. Thorin grit his teeth and hissed at the piece of mirror in his hand. “It will give me great pleasure, my love, to cause him intense pain!”

During the daytime and Thorin began asking questions in the library, requesting books on alchemy, and had even found one book that wrote of objects having powerful magic cast upon them to connect to other worlds. On that day and he knew what needed to be done: he must try and get word to Gandalf, the one person in Middle earth he knew that would have answers. 

A guard suddenly entered the library, approaching Thorin. 

“Council are ready for you, my Lord,” the guard’s gruff voice came. 

Thorin got up from his seat, spun around and growled at the guard. “Council is cancelled.” Then he stormed out of the library, carrying the old, leather bound book with him, which held his one hope to get to you. The fact that Thorin was abandoning his Kingly duties often in his frustrating mission to be reunited with you, didn’t concern him. Erebor had its King. It now needed, and would have, a Queen. 

Out on the rampart, Thorin waited for Roac after a guard had put out a designated trumpet call for the raven. The bird would be able to fly over all terrain ten times quicker than any man could walk, and get a message to Gandalf, asking him to come as soon as possible. 

Once Roac had been told to seek out Gandalf, the raven flew away with a shrill call into the distance, disappearing onto the horizon. 

Thorin sighed and closed his eyes, praying to Mahal that his One would be able to come home. There was no doubting that you were his destined life partner and companion; his heart, mind and spirit all screamed it. 

Back in his bed chamber and Thorin began to pen a letter to you, his quill scratching quickly and loudly against the parchment. 

 _My dearest love,_  

_I spend each waking moment trying to find a way to you, and I promise that I will get to you._

_I have sent word to Gandalf who is our best hope._

_Be strong, and live in faith that we shall be together soon._

_From my heart to yours._

_Your King._

Thorin rolled up the parchment, tying it with a piece of red silk and waited for sunset. Then he would be able to push it through to you, along with your daily rose. 

***

Two days later and Roac returned. 

“Gandalf is on his way. He is a two-week ride from here, but seems to know of a way to help, my Lord,” Roac told Thorin as he landed on the stone ledge. 

Thorin nodded to the bird, thanking him but also requesting that all information which had been shared, be kept between them both. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you for all the feedback and kudos from this story. It's only a silly idea that has grown into a full blown fanfic, and hopefully I'll be back to actively writing soon, rather than just uploading already written works.
> 
> And on a different note, this chapter becomes very triggering regarding domestic violence. So if easily upset by that kind of thing, you may wish to skip.

CHAPTER FIVE

 

A newfound hope had been ignited in your heart when you saw that first crimson red rose lying next to the ripped pieces of your poster. Thorin could still communicate with you, despite only it only being a small amount of communication. 

Every day and there was a new rose waiting for you. You had begun talking to him, hoping that he could hear you somehow. One of the pieces of paper seemed to be the one which the communication was still coming through; each morning and your roses would be resting on it. Upon closer inspection of the paper, you held it up, studying the sheet which was no bigger than approximately ten by six inches. It was Thorin’s chest. You held the paper and felt tears begin to slide down your cheeks. Your roses came from his heart. 

Then you found a letter, rolled up and tied with a single piece of red silk. His words were brief but heartfelt, promising that you would be together, and you believed him. If Thorin was indeed the man you had always thought him to be then he would never give up trying to get to you. 

Your bag of packed items which you had put together upon promising to return to Erebor with Thorin, you kept next to your bed. It signified your faith in Thorin. He would come. 

At night and you began pleasuring yourself on the bed, telling Thorin what you imagined him doing to you. Your fingers would steadily circle your main source of pleasure, the throbbing intensifying as you imagined it being Thorin’s thick fingers instead of yours. As you came you would always moan his name and tell him you loved him, hoping that somewhere out there he could hear you and was finding his own pleasure through you. 

***

Texts from Ryan began again, threatening to strangle you in your sleep. At first you tried your hardest to ignore them, but then you felt your anger intensify. 

_No one cheats on me, you fucking slut!_

How the hell had Ryan got it in his head that you had cheated? 

One day while you were out buying Christmas presents, flitting in and out of shops, having no clue what to buy your parents and older sister, you had an incoming call. It was Ryan. 

“What?” you shouted. 

Other shoppers who were dashing on past, glared at you, wondering what had happened to annoy you. 

“I know you fucking cheated on me, you slag! Who was it? Luke? I saw him hanging around your flat after I raided it,” Ryan spat venomously. 

“Who the hell have you been talking to? I never cheated!” you shouted back, defending yourself. 

More people turned around, focusing on your argument. You walked on, trying to rush towards a quiet side street so no one could overhear. 

“You’re as guilty as goddamn sin! Apparently your neighbour heard a man around your flat just before we split. He told me while I was servicing his car,” Ryan growled. “No one cheats on me and gets away with it. You’re fucking dead, slut.” 

“I’m not explaining myself anymore, Ryan. I did not cheat on you.” 

“And the night I got beat up, I reckon it was him....so it wasn’t Luke. Some short biker freak. I’ll be ready for the cunt if he tries it with me again.” 

You ended the call, his disgusting language and irate voice still slithering down the phone line until it was cut off suddenly. 

“Please come and get me, Thorin,” you whispered, letting tears fall down your cheeks. 

***

Two days later, after an early shift at work and you let yourself into your flat. You breathed a sigh of relief as you threw your handbag down on the floor and kicked your shoes off, then unwrapped your scarf from around your neck and walked into the kitchen. What you needed was a hot cup of tea to warm you up from the plummeting temperatures outside. 

“Hi, slut,” a voice came. 

You spun around on your heels only to be faced with Ryan. He grinned at you perversely, showing the gap in his top teeth where Thorin had attacked him. 

“Who are the roses from?” Ryan asked, stepping closer. 

You backed up, hitting your sideboard. Breath was painful in your chest, red hot as terror raced through you. Your head began to thump and adrenaline hit your bloodstream. Should you fight or fly? What would Thorin want you to do? 

“I said, who brought you the fucking roses?” Ryan screamed, dashing at you. 

Suddenly he grabbed your throat, his breath wafting over your face, stinking of alcohol. Pain hit you as his fingers dug into your neck, tightening. His dark eyes were wide and his intense stare bore into you, causing nausea to hit your gut hard. 

“Who? I won’t let go until you tell me who brought you the roses,” he said, his voice now soft, but just as deadly. 

 

***

Ryan was dragged out of your flat that afternoon, struggling against the handcuffs that police had used to restrain him. Meanwhile, paramedics got down on their knees next to you on the kitchen floor, tending to you. A police officer was standing behind the paramedics, waiting for your statement. 

One of your screams, or even Ryan’s shriek as you kicked him between the legs, no doubt alerted neighbours to seek the assistance of emergency services. 

“Is there anyone you want us to call for you, sweetheart?” the kind, middle-aged policeman asked. He must have seen hundreds of domestic violence cases in his years with the force, so you sitting slumped against a cupboard with bruising on your neck and possibly broken ribs was not anything new to him. 

“N...no,” you rasped. 

Of the two paramedics, one was a young woman, in her early twenties, blonde and smiley. The other was a dark haired man, more stern in his appearance but no less concerned and caring in his approach. 

You tried to move, but felt a huge stab of pain hit you in the side, soaring through your ribs where Ryan had punched you after you kicked him. 

“Don’t move,” the woman said, placing her hands on your shoulders gently to reassure you. 

Tears were streaming down your face as the pain in your ribs and neck mixed with all your shame, and the torture of being stuck in this nightmare, away from Thorin. 

The older paramedic looked to his colleague. “Go and get the spinal board and a neck brace while I give her some painkillers and check her blood pressure.” The woman disappeared out of the room, dashing back to the ambulance. “We’re going to take you in to hospital. Strangulation can cause major problems if not checked properly. I don’t want to scare you, but if it’s not treated, then you’re taking a big risk.” 

***

Once in hospital, you reluctantly agreed that the nurses could call your parents. You sat in a cubicle, having doctors prodding your neck, your side and later found yourself being wheeled away for X-rays on your neck and ribs. The whole time, however, the male police officer from your flat, waited alongside you. 

By the time that a doctor confirmed two of your ribs were broken, your neck brace was removed and you were given more painkillers, you were able to begin discussing your attack with the policeman. 

“We’ve got him at the station at the moment and he  _will_  be charged for what he did,” the policeman told you, leaning in across the edge of the bed. 

“He broke into my flat a few weeks ago and nothing was ever done about it,” you said, closing your eyes and trying to swallow over the pain. “I’ve got dozens of texts from him, threatening to strangle me in my sleep. He thinks I cheated on him, and I didn’t.”

“That’s your business, love, whether you did or not. I’m not here really to discuss that. But we’ll need the texts as evidence against him.”

“Oh, my God!” your mother’s voice came and the curtains were slung wide open. You sighed upon the sight of her; always her way, trying to prove to the world that she was the doting mother, but really she couldn’t give a rat’s backside. “Are you alright, honey?” How sickeningly sweet could this woman get? 

“I’ll be okay, Mom,” you groaned. She was now leaning over you, her hands roaming over your face and shoulders. 

“Oh, my baby. What’s he done to you? I told you to leave him ages ago, didn’t I?” she said. You stared at her, not able to comprehend what she was saying. You had  _told_  her you had split with Ryan! 

You couldn’t help but scoff and look away, not able to keep looking up at her perfectly combed and styled, highlighted hair, and have to look at her face where her expressions covered so many lies. 

***

You were discharged from hospital two days later and returned home, against your father’s wishes. He seemed more concerned for your well being than your mother was, who only complained that they didn't have enough money in order to feed another person. 

The police informed you that an automatic injunction had been taken out against Ryan while he awaited a court hearing, and your door locks were all changed. Photographs of your injuries had been taken while you were in hospital and all documentation regarding your hospital stay had been sent to the police station and court. 

On your first night back home you stood in your kitchen, counting out your medication for that evening. But your eyes kept darting to the very place you had been attacked, the memories still fresh. Your hands began to shake involuntarily, your medication spilling out across the floor as the plastic bottle fell out of your grasp. 

You placed your hands on the table, trying to steady yourself and push away the lead weight that was starting to descend down your legs. “Why didn’t you help me, Thorin?” you wept. “You’re not coming, are you?” 

In bed, you lay flat, trying desperately to get comfortable, until you growled in irritation and started to pull yourself up. Thorin hadn’t left a rose for that day, only the day previously that you had been in hospital. Had he forgotten to send one? Or was he starting to move on from you? 

You took his ring from around your neck that you kept on a chain and placed it on your dresser. Maybe it really was time to wake up from this ridiculous dream and face the reality that  _this_  place was your home. 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the kind words, support and encouragement with this story. It's so amazing and overwhelming (in a good way!).
> 
> I have another chapter of this story already written, and then after chapter seven it will be you waiting for me to physically write the story. So updates may become a little less once the next chapter has been posted. I've been trying to keep a good five days to a week between updates so people can read the story and get up to date. 
> 
> I'm not quite sure where this fic will go after chapter seven, but that's what I love about writing - the possibilities! And I'm very much a spur of the moment writer. 
> 
> Enjoy!

CHAPTER SIX

 

The following week was absolute hell. The police required you to go through an interview with them, explaining again all the details of your attack and also to give in copies of all your texts from Ryan as evidence against him. 

“I’m not going to lie to you,” the policewoman said to you as she looked down at you over her gold rimmed glasses, seeming to judge you and instantly take a dislike to you. “If this makes it to court, you have good standing to win, but his jail sentence, if one is even given, will be minimal. Domestic violence charges don’t tend to be taken as seriously nowadays, and sentences are, on average, around four or five months. However, because he’s only physically attacked you once, it may be classed as grievous bodily harm more than domestic violence.” 

You couldn’t help but sigh and look away, feeling frustrated with this woman. She seemed the snooty type that would automatically judge you on whether you were telling the truth or not just by looking at you enter the room. Maybe the type of shoes you were wearing that day could have somehow added to the authenticity of your case. 

“Did Ryan ever hurt you before?” the woman asked, shuffling her stack of papers in front of her. 

“Not physically, no. This was the first time he was physically abusive towards me.” 

“So he’s shown emotionally abusive behaviour? How about sexual?” 

“The worst he ever did before this was grab my breast once. But he was always controlling me, telling me that I was pathetic or he would laugh at me.” 

Your interview continued for around an hour and a half, you detailing the year relationship that you had spent with Ryan. Copies of your threatening text messages were taken, everything being put together in a file which would stand against Ryan in court. Photos of your previous break in, which conveniently came to light, were also included, meaning that Ryan could be prosecuted with two counts of breaking and entering and one count of grievous bodily harm or domestic assault, depending on the prosecution's stance on the case. 

Before leaving the police station you were also informed of the fact that Ryan had a domestic abuse claim standing against him from his ex girlfriend, however, it had been thrown out of court for not having enough evidence to make a conviction. You merely rolled your eyes in response. “Doesn’t surprise me in the slightest,” you hissed, and left the room. 

***

Later in the week and your manager began to become more overbearing in their attempts to get to you to return to work, considering that you had two broken ribs and considerable bruising of your neck. A doctor’s certificate didn’t seem to be enough, or an ongoing police investigation for that matter. 

“Look, I can’t come into work,” you growled on the phone. “I have broken ribs so can’t lift anything and I’m still losing my voice on and off. My doctor has recommended I stay off for at least six weeks.” 

“But we can make work place alterations for you. You know how busy Christmas is for us and we need the staff,” your manager countered. He was a two-faced arsehole most of the time anyway, who you tried to distance yourself from as best you could. 

You coughed, holding the phone away from your mouth. Your voice was becoming croaky again. “I can’t...I’m s...sorry.” Then you hung up, tossing your mobile onto the table and sighing. 

Late afternoon as darkness began to fall, you walked into your bedroom to grab one of your scented candles. But as your hand reached out for a jarred candle on your bookshelf, you noticed something on the floor next to the ripped poster that you had never moved. It was not a rose, but a beautiful purple flower, violet in colour. 

Slowly as not to pull on your side, you leaned down, bending your knees, and picked up the flower. You whispered his name and brushed the petals of the flower down your cheek, closing your eyes. “Please come. I need you more than ever,” you said, hoping he could hear you. “I thought you had forgotten me. I love you.” 

That night you slept a little more soundly, even though your sleep had been disturbed greatly since your attack. But you now had Thorin’s ring back around your neck, and your faith a little stronger that he was coming. 

***

The flowers Thorin left changed; they were all the colours of the rainbow and different sizes. Why had he started leaving you different flowers from roses? Hopefully the question would be answered soon. 

But one morning you received a phone call from the local police station, wanting you to go in as quickly as you could to discuss something that had happened the night previously. 

Confused and apprehensive, you walked the half a mile to your local police station. 

As soon as you walked into the building, the female officer who had interviewed you previously was waiting. “Please follow me,” she insisted, taking you into a small interview room which smelled stuffy and musty. You sat down opposite her and saw the concerned look on her face. “Thank you for coming in so quickly. I’m afraid I need to ask you some more questions about Ryan. We received word this morning that he was taken into hospital.” 

“Hospital?” you asked. 

“We understand that he was attacked previously but never filed any charges because he didn’t know the identity of his attacker and didn’t have enough of visual markers to go off.” The next words made you sit upright and your heart race. “But he was very badly beaten last night, and we have reason to believe it was the same person as before.” 

You tried not to breathe too hard and quickly, as each inhale caused paid to strip through your side and down into your broken ribs. You grimaced and stopped yourself, gripping onto the table as you put the phone down. Thorin was back. How he had managed it, you had no idea. But that didn’t matter for now. He was back and had found a way to pass between worlds once again. 

Ryan had been badly beaten and was currently ‘in serious condition but stable’. The selfish side of you rose in those moments, and all you cared about was Thorin coming to you. Ryan no longer mattered, and he had had his comeuppance for his disgusting treatment of you. 

Would it be tonight? You prayed and hoped that he would be back beside you that night. Each thought which raced through your mind for the remainder of the day revolved around Thorin. 

You waited. Every minute turned into an hour, gradually becoming an eternity of frustration. You checked your bag again, making sure that everything you wished to take into your new life was there. All of the flowers that Thorin had sent you had all been pressed neatly into a leather-bound journal. 

As dusk approached, you watched the almost-winter sun dip below the buildings. Oranges, pinks and reds filled the sky, looking like an artist’s palette. A pang of regret hit you as you began to think on the world you’d be leaving behind; it had been your home since you were born and there were so many places you hadn’t been, so many things you hadn’t done. But Middle-earth! The possibilities of adventures were limitless! And you would be cared for, loved and protected by a man who would move heaven and earth for you with no questions asked. You would never have found a companion in this world who would go to such lengths. 

For a short while your thoughts took you away, until suddenly you heard a deep voice behind you. “I have come to take my Queen home.” 

Thorin’s hand reached out and his fingertips brushed up your cheek. Your eyes were locked, your gazes sinking into each other. Tears fell down your cheeks. “I thought you had forgotten me,” you whispered. 

“ _Never_ ,” Thorin replied. 

Thorin kissed you, his one hand still cupping your face, drying your tears away, and the other winding around your waist. But the sudden lack of breath you felt as you kissed, made you groan in pain. 

“My love?” Thorin asked, his face crumpling with concern for you. 

“I’m sorry,” you told him. “I’m still in so much pain. It hurts just to breathe.” 

“Never apologise. I hope that pile of filth breathes  _his_  last.” Thorin’s eyes were alight with a fire which raged out of control. He took both your hands in his. “I should have protected you. That is my priority. That you are safe. And I swear that we shall not be separated again.” 

You sighed as you looked upon Thorin, trying not to lose your breath again. The pain was still sharp in your side and your breaths were now short and steady. “You need to be careful. I’m not worth being arrested for. You should have left him alone.” 

Thorin frowned. “How can you say you are not worth that? The moment he touched you and he brought this upon himself. Do you not see your own value and standing? Daring to touch a queen is a serious crime, and above all, touching  _my_  queen should warrant death.” 

“Not everything is about seeking vengeance, Thorin,” you told him. 

“If the one you love most in the world was treated like that, beaten, and made to feel undeserving, how would you react?” Thorin hissed. “Do not tell me that your mercy would be so overwhelming then.” 

He was right. Every word Thorin spoke was right, and you knew it. You reached out and wound your arms around Thorin’s neck, placing a kiss on his lips, but as he started to react more hungrily, you pulled away. “You're right,” you whispered. “I’d kill anyone for hurting you.” 

A short while later and you were lying on your back on the bed, Thorin on his side and leaning over you. You both kissed, your need and want for each other taking over your rational minds. Slowly, Thorin moved from your lips and began caressing your neck with his lips, being careful over your bruising. 

“Tell me if I am hurting you,” he told you, his breath hot against your neck. 

“You would never hurt me,” you replied back, needing to be one with him, but knowing your body would not yet allow it. 

You and Thorin had much time to catch up on and as you lay on your back on the bed, looking up into his eyes, you knew that there was no other future you could envision. Love at first sight and obsessions with love have been told all throughout history, and you had always thrown the very notions off as stupid and childish. But now that you actually felt that warmth in your chest, sometimes becoming an ache, you knew there was nothing childish or stupid about the matter. Love existed. 

The heat between you and Thorin was getting to the point of blazing. You took his hand and guided it down your body to the waist of your jeans. As Thorin’s hand delved into your underwear, his fingers seeking your main pleasure point, you reached into his breeches and grasped his manhood. 

You both pleasured each other, your hands and fingers setting up your own rhythms that had become so familiar. Between gasps, pants and groans, you both came, seconds apart. Just for this and you had made it though the pain that had stabbed at your side every time you inhaled sharp. 

Thorin was still resting over you, not wanting to move you and cause you more distress. He leaned on his arm and kissed you, his long hair falling onto your shoulder and chest. “I missed you,” you whispered, parting from his kiss. 

“We never have to be parted again, my love,” he told you. His fingertips brushed down your cheek and his eyes were alight with contentment and happiness. “Gandalf showed me a way through and we can stay by one another’s side. This doorway does not part us at night. It is one of three left in all Middle-earth. Which will mean when we go back, we must travel home to Erebor. That was why I could not send you a rose each night. I was travelling alongside Gandalf to get to the doorway, and could only send you the flowers I rode past.” 

You pulled yourself up slowly, wincing through the pain. “I don’t care if we have to travel and I’ll treasure those flowers because they were from you. I just can’t wait to start my life with you.” Tears began to fall down your cheeks and Thorin remained silent for a moment, watching you in concern and confusion. “I always felt as though my life never meant anything in the grand scheme of things and no one would ever truly love me. My mom never cared or my sister. My dad was really the only one whoever showed me any kind of appreciation, and he only ever did that when my mom wasn’t looking. Ryan hurt me so much, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. I used to wonder what was wrong with me. People never see how harmful their actions and words are to other people, and the long term consequences that they can cause.” 

Thorin’s eyes grew darkened by anger as he listened to your words and you saw his jaw clench tight. You reached out and curled your hand around his. “Thank you,” you told him. “I still don’t quite know what you see in me,” you laughed. “But you’ve shown me that someone really can love me and I’m worth fighting for.” 

“I see much in you. Your strength, your kindness, beauty. And I know that the people of Erebor will love you just as much as I do. Just tell me when you are ready, and we shall go home.” Thorin reached into his tunic and pulled out a small stone which was black in colour and had silver flecks sparkling through it. “Gandalf has put an enchantment upon it which means that when I say the words, we can leave.” 

That night and you remained flat on your back in your single bed, still in pain, and kept Thorin’s hand tight in yours whilst he got comfortable in the chair next to your bed. He sang to you for a short while, telling stories of battles long ago through the words, all wrapped up in such beautiful melodies. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is up to what I already have written. The continuation will have to be written. This certainly isn't the end of the story, but I've uploaded everything that's already written so far. 
> 
> Please have patience with me, and I hope to get the next chapter written for you soon. 
> 
> Again, thank you for all the kind comments and kudos. It's appreciated. 
> 
> Enjoy!

CHAPTER SEVEN

 

When you woke the next morning, you saw Thorin sat on the end of your bed. He looked at you, smiled and then moved across, placing a gentle kiss against your lips. “This wasn’t how I envisioned the first time we’d wake up together in the morning...” you said sadly, your words trailing off. “I wanted us to be at least in the same bed.” 

Suddenly your phone began to ring which was on your bedside table just behind the seat Thorin had slept in. A bad feeling hit you in the stomach as ‘unknown caller’ flashed across your screen. It was only just after half past seven in the morning, too early to be anything less than an emergency. 

A sinking feeling settled in your gut as you answered the call and heard a man ask if he was speaking to you. “Yes, speaking,” you replied. 

“This is PC Warren from your local station, regarding your case with Mr. Ryan Carter. I’m afraid that we need to conduct an interview as soon as possible with you. Mr. Carter passed away this morning from his injuries.”

You looked up at Thorin, fright in your face, telling him that something serious had occurred. Nausea began to rise in you, and when you had finally agreed to go into the station and disconnected the call, you rushed into the bathroom and threw up in the bowl. 

“What’s happened?” Thorin asked, racing behind you and getting down on his knee beside you. 

“Ryan’s dead.” 

Thorin held you as you shook in your sheer shock at the news you had just been given. Ryan, your ex boyfriend, whom you had shared in a relationship with was dead. Having been killed as a result of the injuries that Thorin had given him for hurting you in the first place. 

“I have brought this upon you, my love,” Thorin whispered, stroking your hair. “I felt nothing but rage for his disrespect and dishonour against my One and my Queen.” 

“What exactly did you do to him?” you asked, looking up from Thorin’s chest, your eyes red and sore. 

“If I told you, would it make you think any less of me?” Thorin asked, his eyes glazing with tears. “I did not think of the consequence of my actions. All I saw in my mind was him harming you, and he  _needed_  to be punished for that. Your screams...” 

Then you realised. Your connection with Thorin was still there between you even when you were apart, despite being only small. But that connection had been enough for Thorin to know. “You heard it.” 

Tears fell down Thorin’s cheeks. “Your screams broke me, my love. I heard them through my shard of mirror which connected me to you. They pierced me so much sharper than any blade could. And I could not protect you.” He grit his teeth and stepped back, closing his eyes tightly. “I could not carry out my duty by you and fulfil my promise that my ring represents, what our binding represented. I do not deserve you. I should have fought harder to get to you.” 

“It was not your fault,” you told him, grabbing his hands and putting them to your face, kissing them. “None of this was your fault. If anyone’s, it was mine. My next door neighbour heard us the first night I saw you, he heard you telling me to believe you were real. And he told Ryan. He then accused me of cheating, but he never knew that I didn’t give myself to you until I’d broken up with him. I’m a lot of things, but unfaithful isn’t one of them.” 

Thorin smiled at those words and swept you into a kiss. His arm laced around your back, holding you against him, and his other hand began to brush upwards into your hair. 

“Take me home,” you told him, smiling as your kiss broke. 

Before leaving, you picked up your shoulder bag which you had prepared a few weeks earlier upon organising your original departure with Thorin. You took one last glance around your room, only to then hear a loud banging at your front door which echoed through the flat. 

A voice shouted through your letterbox; it was a police officer needing to talk to you urgently. “I must speak to you. Please answer the door.” 

Your breath began to stick in your throat again and the pain in your side stabbed at you, making you wince. “Please, just take me away from here,” you told Thorin, taking his hand in yours. 

Thorin held the stone in his free hand and whispered the words Gandalf had told him. The words reacted with the enchantment which had been placed upon the stone, summoning the doorway to open between Middle-earth and Earth. 

The door banged again and you heard your name bellowed through the letterbox. 

And suddenly you saw a bright, white light which was temporarily blinding and the ground beneath your feet shook. You concentrated solely on the feel of Thorin’s hand in your own: warm, tight, reassuring. 

With a jolt that made you cry out in pain, the white light disappeared. You had never realised but the whole time you had had your eyes closed, apprehension and fright resting in your chest. 

“Are you alright?” Thorin asked, hearing your cry. 

Then you opened your eyes. 

A sense of relief washed over both you and Thorin; you could still feel his hand in yours as you opened your eyes, looking upon woodland all around you. However, towering over you both was a stone archway which had Dwarf runes inscribed into it. Was this where you had crossed worlds? 

Thorin raised your hand in his and kissed it gently before releasing it and walked on ahead, approaching two chestnut brown ponies who were stood in a small clearing. 

It was a bright morning, very few clouds in the sky. However, it was cold, and the biting wind began to dig into your flesh. You folded your arms around yourself, trying to ignore the dull ache in your side, a reminder of your injury. 

“Gandalf must have left them for us, along with my packed bag,” Thorin said, guiding the two ponies over to you. “We’re, thankfully, only a few day’s ride from Erebor.” 

You felt overwhelmed by the whole situation unfolding before you, and decided to remain quiet. Instead you focused on the pony that would be yours, fitted with a saddle and accompanying bags. 

“My love, what is wrong?” Thorin asked, standing beside you. “Do you hold the death of Ryan against me?” He lowered his head, feeling shame wash over him. “I only intended to defend you and your honour; I would never have done this if I knew you would hold it against me.” 

“Thorin, I hold nothing against you. I’m just finding it hard to comprehend everything that’s happened. Remember, I’ve grown up knowing the stories of what happened to you, and it was that spark in my heart which was always burning that kept me going. To be standing here, in the world I always wanted to inhabit...It’s just....” Tears fell down your cheeks, of both sadness and joy. 

“You are cold,” Thorin said, not addressing your words, but silently putting them aside for later consideration. “I packed these especially when I left. They were the only things I managed to pick up before my abrupt departure with Gandalf.” From one of the saddle bags and Thorin pulled out a long, dark blue, fur lined coat, and he gently placed it around your shoulders. Then he took out a pair of leather gloves, handing them to you. “We are fast approaching winter. Durin’s Day will soon be here, and you are coming home at just the right time to enjoy our festivities.” 

Riding was hard as you had only ever ridden any kind of animal once, and that was a donkey when you were around ten years old; you had enjoyed riding along the sea front of a west coast town. And to make matters worse, pain was constant in your side as you moved, swaying with the movement of the pony. However, Thorin made sure your journey back was slow so your pain was no more than it had to be. 

On your return to Erebor and you stopped at nightfall each night, snuggling together next to a fire. Gandalf had provided plenty of food in your saddlebags. Thorin had explained to you that the archway you had come into Middle-earth through was one of three, one being situated within each of the three vast, multi-country realms of Dwarves, Men and Elves. However, very few knew of the secret portals and any writings of them was scarce. 

“I had been frantically finding any way to return to you, my love, and the answer happened to be on my doorstep, just slightly south of the Iron Hills,” Thorin had chuckled to you on the first night you stopped for sleep. “Some say it is only the wizards who hold the secret to passing through worlds.” 

“But how did you manage to get back to me? My world isn’t exactly small. You could have wound up anywhere,” you inquired. 

Thorin smiled at you, drawing you in closer against his broad chest. The fire was crackling in front of you, a small spit having been placed over the flames, cooking some deer meat which Gandalf had left for you. “Gandalf told me to focus on you. As for the mirror that came into my possession which allowed me through, I will probably never know where that came from.” 

***

On the afternoon of the fifth day and you saw the all too familiar kingdom of Erebor. In the distance you could make out the towering statues of Kings from times gone by, having been carved into the stone. The entrance was heavily guarded by Thorin’s kin, and as you approached, trotting steadily through the bleak terrain, passing very few trees, they began studying you suspiciously. Guards bowed their heads to Thorin, acknowledging the return of their King, but watched you, their eyes bright from inside their large helmets. 

Thorin helped you dismount your pony. The pain was easing, gradually ebbing that little more each day. He held your hand tight, his large fingers curling around your small ones so perfectly. And you both stepped inside. 

You craned your neck to look at all the spectacular carvings, tapestries and balconies that filled this wonderful kingdom. This was to be yours. How could you co-rule this? 

As Thorin guided you through the grand halls, both of you walking up flights of steps, he released your hand and wound his arm around your waist, keeping you close to him. “I intend to focus on you for now. I shall tell everyone that Fili is to act in my stead.” 

“You don’t have to,” you told him, stopping as you came to a bed chamber door. 

“Of course I do. The kingdom is safe, and so are you. We must have our privacy for a while.” 

Thorin took you into his bed chamber. A huge, four poster bed dominated the back wall of the room, full of furs, blankets and plumped pillows. On the right hand side of the room was a large desk, complete with a chair and upon the desk was various papers, inks and quills. 

“I know this is all overwhelming for you, but I want you to be happy. Anything you want or need and I shall request it for you.” Thorin told you as you looked upon the grandness of the room. Your eyes surveyed the large tapestry on the back wall, showing a battle scene from long ago. He placed his hands on your shoulders as you remained with your back to him. “This is all yours as much as mine. And once we have had our privacy, I shall make my announcement to the kingdom that you shall be Queen.” 

Thorin’s blue eyes were alight with so much hope as you turned to look at him. This was now your chance to finally prove that you were someone worth listening to, someone worth loving. You always had been that, but the main one you had to prove that to was yourself. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long delay in updating this story. I've had a lot of things going on recently, and my writing has taken a back burner for a while. After a tough few months I'd kind of lost my interest and love for writing, but I'm trying to get back into it. However, I now have a book I'd like to write which is an original version of one of my other fan fictions with lots of sci-fi and twists thrown in for good measure. 
> 
> I'm aware that this chapter is probably shorter than some of the others, but I just wanted to get something out so you all know I haven't forgotten about this fic. Again, as always, thank you for your encouragement and continued support of this story. :) I truly appreciate it.

CHAPTER EIGHT

 

You sat on the edge of the four poster bed, still churning the unbelievable events of the previous weeks through your mind, which was a tangled mess of doubt, fear and joy. Everything was a spiral of impossibility, turning and winding, out of control. You breathed in deep in an attempt to calm your nerves, but an ache began to stir in your side, a sign that your broken ribs had still not completely healed. The air smelled pleasantly fresh, considering your home was now within the foundations of a mountain.

“Do you wish to eat? Bathe?” Thorin asked, sitting down beside you.

A bath sounded like heaven and you smiled in response to his proposals, nodding your head in agreement.

Thorin disappeared from the room for a few minutes, making all the necessary arrangements for your bath.

A short while later, merely minutes, a stern faced male Dwarf appeared at your door which had been left ajar. “Come this way, my lady,” he said, his voice deep and almost demanding. The Dwarf limped out of the room, never looking back to see if you were behind him. All you could see of him was his long, red, plaited hair. The clothes he wore were thick, luxurious fabrics, showing that even the servants were dressed and treated well. 

You followed, noticing that the hallways were particularly chilly. You crossed your arms, attempting to keep the warmth in. The hallways were completely stone, arched upwards into the ceiling, and you walked past many wooden doors, until you came to one larger door.

The male Dwarf threw the doors open and you stepped inside.

The bath looked more communal than private. It wasn’t a tub like you were used to back home, but rather a tiled bathing area with steps leading down, reminding you of a small swimming pool. Those who served the royal household were on hand, filling the bath. They hurried back and forth, filling the bath with water and fetching towels. One woman stood before you. She had dark blonde, frizzy hair and light facial hair on her chin and cheeks, typical of both males and females of the Dwarf race. Her pale blue eyes studied you in curiosity. You smiled, causing her to reciprocate, showing her white, slightly crooked teeth.

“Your night gown, my lady,” the woman told you, holding across her arms a pure white night dress. “I shall leave it with the soaps and towels for you.”

“Thank you,” you said, nodding in appreciation.

The room began to fill with steam, easing your nerves. You closed your eyes for a second, but suddenly a flash of Ryan’s face shot before your eyes. Your heart jumped, sending it pounding out of control. He was lying unconscious in a hospital bed, a ventilator tube in his mouth, tape keeping it in place.

“My lady?” a male voice came, breaking you away from the unpleasant thought.

“Mmm?” you asked. “Sorry.”

“Your bath is ready.”

The water was hot, fierce against your skin as you lowered your bare foot into the bath. “Thank you,” you replied and watched the serving staff leave.

Slowly you got undressed, letting your clothes fall to the floor, which still consisted of your own world clothing that you had left in: jeans and a T-shirt. No one had seemed to question your clothing or find it out of place since you had entered Erebor.

Thorin stood behind you, watching as your clothing dropped to the tiles, and he knew that something was wrong. Ever since you had arrived in Erebor, you had been quiet, only speaking a few words. He couldn’t help but smile at your curves, allowing the sight of them to cause a stir lower down his body. Finally, his Queen was home.

You descended the steps into the water, groaning at the heat as it eased your muscles, all tension leaving you.

“May I join you? Or would you rather be alone?” Thorin’s voice came and slowly he came into your field of vision, making his way around the edge of the bath.

Breath caught in your throat as you watched him undress, revealing a broad chest and muscular arms which had seen battles and worked with many a hammer in his one hundred and ninety-five years. Your eyes remained glued to him as he stepped down into the water, never waiting for an answer to his question. Oh, his tight thighs, trail of dark hair from between his legs up to his navel, and then the one thing that made you grin in delight: his hardening manhood.

You both kissed hard, your chests tight together and your hands roaming each other. The kiss was hot, hungry and fierce. Both of you groaned and then with no word spoken, you felt your bodies join. Thorin lifted you, and you wrapped your legs shut around his hips, both of you thrusting back and forth, water lapping around you. His lips nipped at your neck, brushing so pleasurably over your fading bruises.

Never before had you ever experienced sex like that which you had with Thorin. Love, desire and lust pushed you to such great heights, and you both toppled off the edge, flying hand in hand. Everything felt so right, fitting together perfectly.

Both of you came and settled in each other’s arms for a minute, your breathing settling back to its normal rhythm.

You held onto Thorin and closed your eyes, thanking whoever was above for this chance to make something good of your life. So far and everyone had mistreated you, pushing you down beneath them so you could not ascend to make much of yourself. Now that Thorin had had his opportunity, he was able to hold you high, proudly showing you to the world as a Queen.

You washed each other slowly, finding so much contentment and peace in those moments. Most of your time was silent; neither of you needed words, but basked in the reassurance that you were now safe.

 

***

After your bath, hot food was served to your room on a trolley, and you and Thorin ate together. Both of you enjoyed the scrumptious delicacies and revelled in one another’s company.

“When did you realise that you could see me? As in, you could see me in my world?” you asked around a mouthful of raspberry tart.

Thorin chuckled at your lack of airs and graces and proceeded to answer your question. “It was just after I had re-taken the mountain. These were once my chambers, and when I came to re-acquire them, the mirror was in here. It was a full length mirror, looking like any other. Until one morning I woke and noticed that the reflection looked strange. Behind the reflection of myself, I could see you.”

“How long did you watch me for?” you asked, propping yourself more fully against the pillow behind you. You took another bite into the tart, appreciating its full, fruity flavour. “And what made you want to come through to me?”

Thorin hung his head as if embarrassment had taken him over and he looked away. As his blue eyes met yours, you saw tears.

You whispered his name and watched him get up from the seat which was set next to the bed. You followed.

“What did you see?” you asked.

Thorin turned back to face you and this time his eyes were wide, the tears having fallen down his cheeks. “He touched you, kissed you, took you…and you never wanted it. I saw it in your eyes, my love. I wanted to please you, protect you. And I failed you.”

“You never failed me!” you exclaimed. “I stuck with Ryan of my own choice. No one made me do it. When we were parted, Thorin, that wasn’t your fault. You did everything you could to bring us back together and we are now.”

“I heard him deny you love, happiness, and even a child. I could never deny you any of those things.”

Thorin had heard your argument with Ryan over children? You closed your eyes and felt a lump rise in your throat at the very thought of those heart-breaking words.

_Anyone who wants kids is a fucking moron. They’re dirty, noisy, always want your attention and cost too much. If you ever try and come off your pill to get knocked up, I’ll deny its mine._

“The one thing I wanted to call mine,” you whispered. “Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve always known I want to be a mom. No one’s ever allowed me to be.” You stopped and looked at Thorin. His eyes were focused on you and he reached out, taking your small hand in his. “Everything makes sense now as to why I never had my own family before. I want _your_ child.”

Thorin smiled at you, released your hand and curled his arms around your waist. “Then I shall give you a child.”

 

***

 

You fell asleep not long after finishing your food and Thorin revealing how much of your life with Ryan he was aware of. Dreams were shattered pieces of your former life, fractured pictures of the home you once knew, floating faces and whispers. However, one face began to move towards you out of the darkness.

“You cheating piece of shit!” a voice came.

The loud, monster-like voice jolted you awake all of a sudden. Fright had overtaken you, leaving you with a thundering heart and headache. You groaned and looked up at the arched ceiling of the bedchamber you now shared with Thorin. All of the blankets which encased you and the pillows supporting your head brought you back to a sense of peace.

Something red caught your eye, a mass of beautiful colour, and when you focused on the rest of the room past your bed, you saw vivid red roses on every surface. In vases, single flowers criss-crossed over the table, bouquets. Upon inspection you saw petals on the rug next to the bed.

You couldn’t help but throw your hands to your face, grinning and blushing.

Everything was overwhelming, causing you to shake. Why was all of this happening? Why had you so far lived a life where very few cared for you, and had now been drawn into a world where you were destined to rule alongside a man who worshipped you? Maybe yours and Ryan’s fates were a result of karma. But what had you done that was so amazing to warrant this?

You approached Thorin’s writing desk, feeling the silky sensation of rose petals beneath your bare feet. There were two vases full of red roses. You brushed your fingers over the roses and leaned forward, letting the scent overtake you.

Suddenly a loud knock at your door pulled you from your thoughts. “Um….yes?” you called out, shocked and nervous at the interruption. “Come in.”

The blonde haired female Dwarf who had spoken to you the day previous in the bathroom entered the room. “My lady, I am sorry to disturb you. The King has asked me to attend to you this morning whilst he takes care of business in council, but assures me he shall be no more than a couple of hours. The roses are beautiful. The King arranged them himself after we picked them all fresh whilst you slept.”

“How long did I sleep?” you asked, feeling as if you had slumbered through many more hours than you usually did.

“Certainly more than twelve hours, my lady. It is now almost midday. Would you like breakfast?”

“Please,” you replied, suddenly noticing that you were growing hungry, despite the many different flavours you had savoured the evening before. “But you don’t need to do all this for me. I can do things myself.”

The Dwarf woman chuckled to herself and walked further into the room, throwing open the doors of a wardrobe which was positioned on your right hand side. You caught a quick glimpse inside, noticing dresses alongside fur robes and deep blue tunics, assuming the dresses were to be yours and the tunics Thorin’s.

“The King has been keeping clothing in the wardrobe, ready for your arrival. There are only a select few of us who have been made aware of you. Come and dress if you wish.”

In that moment you lost control and felt emotion sweep over you, making you sob into your hands. Your shoulders racked back and forth, waves of fierce conflict wash you away into self doubt. “I’m not worth this,” you whispered. “Why does he think I deserve all of this? Why me?”

The Dwarf woman looked at you, her bright eyes full of concern for you. She rested her hand on your shoulder and you smiled at her through the tears. “I cannot answer that question, but I know that my King is always true to his heart and his word.”

The door opened again, and this time it was Thorin. Instantly he saw the upset on your face and dashed to you, reaching out for you. The Dwarf woman backed away, taking her leave with no further words.

“I’m sorry. I’m being stupid,” you said, pulling way and rubbing your face with your hands. “I’m ungrateful.”

Thorin furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. What had come over you? “Do you not like the roses?” he asked, his voice low and tinged with sadness. For the first time since you had met him and you felt as though you had thoroughly offended him, and the expression in his face caused you to grab his hands and kiss them.

“No, it’s not that. I love them,” you replied. “Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.”

“Then what has caused you this upset? I don’t understand,” he asked. “I only wish to please you and show you my love.”

“It doesn’t matter,” you replied, dropping his hands from yours and brushing past him.

Thorin caught your arm, firmly but not enough to cause discomfort. “It _does_ matter.” His voice had become authoritarian. The side of him that showed his position as a leader and ruler was pushing through. “There is no place for secrets between us.”

His eyes were focused on you, wide and waiting for your answer.

“I wish I could just gladly sit back and accept all of this, but something inside me is holding on to everything that Ryan told me…”

Thorin’s eyes closed as he heard those words, and inside his mind he secretly hoped that Ryan was in eternal damnation for all the damage he had left behind. “You will never believe me when I say I love you, and you will never fully accept this life and be happy beside me.” He sighed, feeling anger begin to stir up in his stomach and chest.

“But….”

Thorin cut you off. “If you cannot commit to me fully then I cannot see us having a future together. You should have remained in your own world and not let me believe that this actually meant something to you.”

 You saw Thorin swallow hard and tears were swimming in his blue eyes.

 His name fell off your tongue in a desperate whisper.

“Do not utter my name again. I shall see you back home....”

“You’re being unreasonable and not listening to me!” you called out, stepping forward. Irritation was burning in you now and you would not back down. “Try living a life where you’re told you don’t deserve anything. Try being brought up by parents who would rather spend their money on new cars, holidays and ignore you. Then when you try and search for someone who might love you, everyone follows the same pattern as before. No one really cares; they just use you for their own gain. And I’m sick of it.”

“And you think I will do the same?” Thorin exclaimed. “You believe I will treat you like Ryan? All of those people who have caused you pain, I am not one of them. You told me that you knew of me before I passed into your world; you had heard the stories told of me and my people. Have I not shown you that I am the one from those tales?”

You turned away from him and closed your eyes, his voice penetrating you so deeply. Of course he had shown you that he was the same as he always had been from the stories you had read.

The words Thorin whispered next made you freeze. These had been the words you had wanted to hear from someone; just one person who could show you were worth something.

“I need you.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing this chapter and hope you enjoy it, too. This chapter starts off a little sad, gets hot, and then becomes all nice again. I like to try and level out all the happiness and angst in even portions. 
> 
> Oh, and on a quick note, I actually got hold of the poster, from Ebay, which is featured in this fic, and I'm going to be keeping my eye on it now, especially at night. ;) If I find any roses about the place, I'll let you know.

 

 

CHAPTER NINE

 

Someone needed you in their life? It was such an alien thought to you; far away and unfathomable. And even though Thorin only showered you with his love, making sure that your new home was just right for you, something still felt out of place. It began to make you wonder if you would ever truly feel at peace with this whole situation. Thorin had brought you a peace which settled on the surface, but a self doubt and fear bubbled beneath it.

Ryan’s death was starting to play on your mind, even more fierce and unrelenting. On the third day of being in Erebor, resting in your bed chamber with Thorin, spending your waking hours in solace and harmony, you felt that something was wrong. Anxious thoughts and pressing memories of Ryan filtered though and you woke drenched in sweat that night. His hateful words of calling you a cheating piece of shit, a slut, pathetic and childish were swimming around in your head.

You could hear the quiet snores from Thorin beside you; he had fallen asleep fairly quickly after your lovemaking that evening. As you sat up in bed, resting back against the pillows, you looked across at your sleeping lover, studying the way his hair fell down his back, almost black and wavy, and the curve of his neck connecting to his shoulder. Even from behind he was beautiful. Was this all just a dream, and your night terrors were reality? Was Ryan screaming at you, trying to drag you back from a fantasy as you escaped such a tormented reality?

Candles lit your way as you stepped out of bed and ventured to the door, hoping you wouldn’t wake Thorin. Most of the last three days had been in this room, and you had only come out of it to bathe and have a quick tour of the upper hallways. It was becoming claustrophobic, feeling as though Ryan’s hands were around your neck again.

As you made it out into the hallway, you brushed your fingertips down your neck, trying to fight off the memories of the attack. How could you ever explain to Thorin the full extent of your stress and anxiety, remnants of the time you had spent with Ryan? Leaving your world was the escape you thought you needed, but it had only pushed the memories away momentarily, before they became so strong that they were now choking you.

“My lady? What are you doing out of bed?” a voice came, making you jump. It was the female Dwarf who had attended to you when you bathed on your first night and then assisted you in dressing. She appeared from a room down a side hallway to your right. You still didn’t know her name.

The first thing you did was request her to call you by your proper name. Formalities always made you feel even more nervous. Then you asked her name.

“It is Neldra,” she replied, smiling. “Now, I must know why you are out of bed so late at night? The King will worry if he wakes and find you gone.”

You chuckled. “He worries about me too much, Neldra.” Then you looked down, feeling an ache in your side. The pain had been diminishing recently, becoming almost non-existent, but your memories of Ryan seemed to re-ignite the discomfort. “I suppose he’s had reason to.”

“What do you mean?” Neldra asked, looking a little confused.

“May I have something to drink and I will tell you?” you asked politely. Your instinct told you that you could trust this woman. She had wide eyes, an honest and kind face and an almost constant smile. Something about her reminded you of one of your teachers from school when you were only young; someone who had seen their own share of trial, but used that to home compassion and love for others.

Neldra guided you down the hallway towards a set of stone steps, leading down and over a slim walkway. You looked over the walkway and gasped, seeing the many stairwells, halls and vast space beneath you. Considering the whole kingdom was beneath a mountain, it was incredibly large and open.

You both entered a room, which was a kitchen area. You could see various cooking utensils, crockery and cups. Neldra walked across to a wooden table, picking out two cups. “This is my main serving space as I am the King’s personal servant. Tea?” she asked. “I normally like something a little stronger at night, but herbal tea is usually very good for calming disrupted nerves.”

“Oh, yes, please,” you asked kindly and watched on as Neldra pottered about the kitchen, humming to herself and grabbing necessary items for making the beverages. “Calm nerves?” How did she know you were anxious? Normally, over the years, you had covered your anxiety well, learning to wear a mask of ‘I’m fine’. You sat down at the table, resting your elbows on it.

Neldra chuckled. “I can tell a lot from the general behaviour and demeanour of people. Your eyes tell much about you. There’s a sadness in you, something lost, yet something gained. And if there’s one thing I know amidst all of this, the King loves you very much. He sacrificed so much of his life for our people, but now he has something for himself. A happiness and companionship.”

Neldra looked up at you, her face becoming straight in its expression and she leaned ever so slightly across towards you. “I will ask you one request, and I may be rude and forward in this. But please do not think I am disrespecting you.”

“Of course not. Ask me whatever you wish,” you replied. Trust in this woman was building in you, and you spoke the words without rationally thinking on them.

“Do not break his heart. I know that both of you are in love; I do not even need eyes to see that. But I sense that you hold back fully, something from your past not allowing you to completely give yourself to him. Being the Queen will not be without its challenges, I’m sure, but you have won the heart of King Thorin, one of the boldest and bravest of our people. See it as an honour to serve him.”

You reached out and took the steaming cup from Neldra, blowing it and then smelling the aromatic contents. “I was attacked by my previous partner, Neldra,” you began. “He thought I was unfaithful to him, and he found out about me and Thorin. He tried to strangle me and broke my ribs.”

“The King would never…”

“I know he wouldn’t. Believe me, I know he would never hurt me. All Thorin has done is protect me, and even to the point that Ryan died from injuries he sustained from Thorin. I’m trying to come to terms with that. But I can’t. Ryan is dead, and it’s because of me.”

You sobbed as the words came.

Neldra stood before you and leaned in closer to you, placing her hands on your shoulders.

The grief was too much to bear and the guilt was eating you like a maggot to an apple, leaving only a mangled and wrinkled core that was starting to rot.

You heard your name whispered.

Then you felt arms embrace you. You sank into Neldra, smelling her sweet perfume. Time passed and you wept on Neldra for a while, releasing all the pain that had built up since you had arrived in Erebor. The whole time that you cried, Neldra kept her arms locked around you. “Let that pain be your strength; let it show you kindness to others,” she told you. There was so much wisdom in her voice and you felt yourself gravitating to it, clinging to its edge.

“Thank you,” you said softly, sniffing. “You don’t know me and all you’ve been is kind.”

“I have had my fair share of pain in this life, losing both my son and husband to war. But I intend to put my skills to good use and hold their memory in my heart, tucked away in a sacred place for times when I’m alone at night.”

By now and your tea had cooled down enough so that you could begin taking cautious sips from it. “I promise that I won’t hurt him,” you told Neldra, who had since sat opposite you.

“You deserve so much, and I believe he’s chosen well.”

You chuckled and hung your head in embarrassment. “Time will tell on that.”

 

***

 

An hour later and Neldra guided you back towards your bed chamber. “Thank you so much for tonight, Neldra. And you know that any time you wish to talk, I’m always here for you.”

“Thank you. I hope that we build a good friendship. Now sleep well.”

You turned away and pushed open your bed chamber door slowly, wincing as it creaked. Thorin groaned in his sleep as light from the hallway spilled in.

“Who is that?” he asked sternly, pulling himself up fully from his slumber.

“It’s only me,” you replied, closing the door behind you. “I went for a walk to clear my head a little. And I wound up having a cup of tea with Neldra.”

You slipped back into bed beside Thorin, watching as he looked at you still slightly dazed. “She’s such a lovely lady,” you grinned, rolling towards Thorin. He was still sat up and found himself pulled back gently by your awaiting arms. You leaned in and pressed your lips to his, instigating the passion first. It was mostly Thorin that instigated your intimacy first, but tonight you wanted to show him that you were true to him in every sense of the word.

As the heat grew and your tongues meshed, and you lost your breaths, you straddled Thorin. You pressed him to the bed and kept on kissing him, listening to his groans become louder. Then your lips trailed down through his beard, it tickling you, and then you nuzzled his neck. “My love,” he moaned. “What has brought this on?”

You stopped and looked into his eyes which were sparkling with delight and question. “I can stop,” you replied, teasing.

“Please, don’t. But I just wish to know what has put you in such a mood...not that I am complaining.”

In continuance of your teasing, you didn’t answer but rather kissed down his chest, feeling him rise slightly off the bed in response. “You need to learn to let a woman take control,” you laughed.

He groaned again. “And you need to answer my question.”

You stopped kissing him suddenly and shifted your body so your hips were tight together. Then you pulled your nightdress up and felt down, positioning Thorin inside you. “I’m yours, completely. My heart, mind and soul,” you said softly, revelling in having him in you.

With no warning, Thorin sat up, pulling you into his arms and his hips began to move, a pace building. Your legs locked around him and your chests touched. Heat rose, desires fired and climaxes began to build. Between thrusts, groans, pants and sweat, you let yourself go. If there was one place you felt safe it was here, with your King. He would always love you, protect you and give you what you desired.

 

***

 

You woke the next morning, free from nightmares, and feeling contentment resting more heavily in place. As your eyes opened, you focused on the ceiling, however, sensed someone watching you. Smiling, you rolled over to see Thorin watching you. “I wish to show you something today,” he said, grinning at you as he sat propped up on his pillows. “It is still a work in progress.”

“What is it?” you asked, pulling yourself up and rubbing the sleep from your eyes with the back of your hand.

“It is a surprise for now.”

“I hate having to wait for surprises,” you groaned. “It’s not fair.”

“No, it is not. But I enjoy making you wait,” Thorin chuckled.

“You’re cruel,” you groaned again, sticking your tongue out for emphasis.

Suddenly a knock came to your door.

“Yes?” Thorin called.

Neldra entered the room. “I am sorry; I shall come back later if you are both still in your bed clothes.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, knowing that Thorin slept naked.

Thorin smiled at your outburst and then gave his attention back to Neldra. “It’s quite alright. Can you fetch us breakfast and make sure that everything is in order for the unveiling at noon?”

“Unveiling? What the hell is it?” you growled playfully.

 

***

 

After breakfast you got dressed, putting on a long, burgundy dress and matching slippers. You looked at yourself in the mirror, drawing in your reflection, although not focusing on your face. That was always one part of yourself that you tried not to look at. The dress was snug, fitted in just the right places and very comfortable. It had silver stitching across the hem, forming an angular shape. Dresses had never been to your liking, but for today, you wanted to make a good impression to whatever it was that Thorin was unveiling.

Nerves began to rear their head again; your hands shook and nausea rose in your gut. It was a mixture of pent up anxiety for the unveiling but also over your conversation with Neldra. Whilst you trusted this woman, something was still telling you to remain guarded. Your passionate night with Thorin had only temporarily distracted you from the thoughts just before. However, now you knew that your promise to both Neldra and Thorin was sealed. You vowed you would never break your King’s heart and you would forever be his.

“Are you ready?” Thorin asked as he placed his crown on his head. You looked at the bright gold shining so beautifully against his raven hair and felt your chest compress. Majestic. In every sense of the word.

You curled your arm around Thorin’s and made your way out of the room and down the hallways.

Thorin knew you were nervous and would look at you every minute or so. “I am with you, my love. There is no need to be so nervous. I thought you were excited and impatient.”

“I didn’t realise that it was a full on unveiling of something. I thought that it was just something between us and small.”

“It will be the first of many gifts to you,” Thorin said as you began descending steps.

“You don’t have to keep getting me gifts. You’re enough for me. Truly you are. Don’t feel like you’re indebted to me.”

Thorin stopped and looked at you. “I will gladly give you anything you wish for. And this is my proclamation that you are to be Queen.”

Those words didn’t make you feel any easier and your breathing remained short.

By the time you had reached the main work room where your unveiled surprise was hidden, you felt as if you had walked miles. But you had been able to see all the glory of Erebor and know this was now your home and your kingdom. Guards bowed to you and Thorin, seeming to know who you were, despite you being a foreigner to this place.

“I wish for us to be alone for a short while,” Thorin told the line of guards who were standing by at the huge, wooden doors of the work area.

“Yes, my Lord,” one replied loudly and shut the doors behind you and Thorin.

You walked into a room which was full of shelves and on every shelf were various tools. Around the place were work benches, piles of stone, piles of wood and seats for the workers. But one thing caught your eye at the back of the room, covered in a dark sheet. You could tell from the outline of it what it was and you felt tears in your eyes and a lump in your throat.

“No Queen before you have sat beside their King. I wish to change that,” Thorin told you and walked on ahead, his hand reaching for the sheet.

You momentarily shut your eyes, holding your breath.

When you opened your eyes, you immediately began to sob. In stone, so beautifully carved, was a throne. It stood at the same height as Thorin’s, although the top of it was not yet finished and remained uncarved. The outline of the throne itself, the seat and arms, all around the edge, was adorned with carved roses.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope you enjoy this latest chapter. Again, there's not anything really big happening, but it's leading up to the unveiling of the throne and wedding/coronation. 
> 
> I'm not sure how frequent my next updates are going to be as I'm working away for the next 3 months at Heathrow airport in London. I do intend to take my laptop with me though so I can work on various things before and after shifts in my hotel room. And I'll be back home (in the Midlands) on my days off. However, I've got a lot on when I'm home on my days off like seeing family, friends and having driving lessons. So writing will probably predominantly be when I'm in my hotel room.

 

CHAPTER TEN

 

During the next week and you began venturing out of your bedchamber more often, discovering the huge library that housed thousands of tomes all bound in leather. Most afternoons and you would occupy one of the reading tables and delve into the world of the Dwarves; however, many of them were written in Khazdul. Only a few had been written in the Common Tongue, your equivalent of English back in your home world. That was to be something you added to your list of things you wished to accomplish: learn the ancient Dwarvish language.

For two consecutive evenings, you sat in the library after dark, with your journal from the bag of belongings you had brought through, and a quill. There you began writing down your experiences of the last few weeks; you detailed everything. It began with Thorin first making himself known to you, the time you felt you were having a mental breakdown, your growing passions with the King, Ryan’s attack and destroying Thorin’s gateway to you. You sat there, comfortable, with a steaming mug of tea next to your hand that Neldra had prepared, and you wrote everything down.

On the second night, you began to wonder what people thought of your disappearance. Had the police been notified? Did the authorities assume that your disappearance was in some way connected to Ryan’s murder? Murder. That word made you shudder as you thought it.

Erebor was such a huge place that you often became lost, asking for directions. But all of the residents seemed to be open to your questions, seeming to know who you were. Most of them referred you to ‘my lady’, and one day you decided to ask Thorin about it when you were eating in the main hall which was situated in the lower levels of the mountain.

Thorin reached for his glass of ale and smirked. “Of course they know about you. And the official unveiling of your throne is but three days away.”

“You failed to tell me _that_!” you exclaimed.

“It will also be the day you will meet my sister and nephews.” Thorin added. “They have been in the Blue Mountains, helping those who wish to come back to Erebor. I hope they will make it in time. Roac believes that they will be here the night before your unveiling.” Thorin loved to tease you, and revelled in keeping you in suspense on the edge of your seat, especially in such a situation as this. “In fact, many of those from my Company to re-claim the kingdom shall be returning and you will have your chance to meet them.”

You breathed in sharp, digesting the revelation that had been thrust upon you. So many people to meet, and you hoped that you received their approval. “I hope they like me,” you said softly, shifting in your seat and then getting up. You grabbed your half empty plate and began to walk towards the kitchens, but Thorin called you back.

“Those who work in the kitchens will take our plates, my love,” Thorin told you, standing up. He saw the change in your demeanour once again. Your head was bowed and your eyes were avoiding his gaze. You couldn’t help but let the situation overwhelm you. Unveiling your throne, meeting Thorin’s family, being put on show in front of the entire kingdom. Was a life of being royalty really something that you could get used to? But you had promised Thorin your life, your service and your heart. You had to remain strong for him. “I am sorry,” he apologised, his voice becoming soft with guilt. “This is too much for you, I understand. I shall leave the unveiling until another time, for after you have met my sister.”

“No,” you replied, finally looking up at him. “I promised to be in this with you. All or nothing. I always worry about what people think of me and if people like me. It’s just something I need to get over. Do what you need to do.”

Thorin stepped up beside you and curled his arm around your waist. “I just want the kingdom to know you and be prepared for your coronation and our wedding. That is all. Is being proud of my wife to be such a crime?”

 _Wife._ He said that word and it made butterflies swarm in your stomach. Of course since your first kiss with Thorin, your physical intimacy and your promise to co-rule with him, meant that you were to be his wife. The customs were so vastly different to the traditions of marriage that you had been used to when growing up. Marriage was something that people came to eventually, after months and years of dating, getting to know each other, and in a lot of cases, living together. Your fate with Thorin had been sealed when you first kissed him. Thorin often talked about you as his Queen, being given a position of power within his kingdom, but wife was so personal. Being Thorin’s wife brought on a legality, spoken vows, a promise you would speak in front of hundreds. It was of the heart.

Marriage was something you had never mentioned with Ryan. The two of you bumbled through your relationship, slipping into a rut of familiarity, which soon became poisonous. You remembered meeting Ryan for the first time, being introduced to him through an ex-colleague at work, Sarah, who had later left your shared workplace and gone on to work in the civil service, climbing that little higher on the employment ladder. Your initial reaction to Ryan was that he was confident, funny, charming and attractive. You would text each other, sharing jokes, asking about one another’s day, but as the months began to tick by, his true nature set in. He would cancel your plans last minute, give you snide remarks whenever you tried to talk to him about something you felt was important. You had never been Ryan’s priority as you should have been, despite you always trying your best to please him. Then your want for a baby became fiercer; you would have something that you could love unconditionally and that love would be returned, and you could focus your attentions on something pure that would not disappoint you like most other human beings you had come into contact with.

Thorin was the first person you had met in your life who wanted to please you. When you conversed, when you walked together through the halls, when you laughed, made love, lay against one another at night in bed, he held you at the centre of his world. He looked at you with pride, happiness and love. And for that, you owed him everything you could offer.

“What are you thinking?” Thorin asked, noticing that you had slipped away somewhere else. He was still stood beside you with his arm encased around your waist.

“Nothing,” you replied, lying.

Thorin’s eyes narrowed slightly and he withdrew his arm from around you, making his way back to his seat. He sat back in his seat and picked up the glass from in front of him, taking a gulp of ale. “Are you still wishing to spend time with Neldra this evening?” Thorin asked, diverting the conversation away from the upcoming unveiling.

“Oh, yes, I almost forgot about that,” you chuckled. Only the day previously and you had agreed to spend time with Neldra, chit chatting over tea and desserts whilst she made alterations to a couple of your dresses. “She needs to take the hem up on a couple of my dresses as they’re a little too long.”

“You are taller than many of the women here,” Thorin began, raising a smile. “And when I asked for clothing for you, I told the seamstresses such.”

“I’m still considered short back home. But the seamstresses have made a wonderful job of them,” you said. “So much work has gone into them. Although I was going to ask if maybe I could have some trousers as well. I was never big on dresses. I’m getting used to them now, but I still like wearing trousers.”

 

***

That evening and you sat with Neldra in her work area, watching as she searched through boxes of fabrics and sewing utensils. You had tried your dress on, and Neldra had measured how much of the hem she would need to adjust.

“Have you been feeling calmer of late?” Neldra asked, pushing thread through a needle, ready to begin stitching.

You raised a hot mug of tea to your mouth, taking a sip. “I still keep dreaming of Ryan sometimes, and in my dream he’s coming to attack me. But I tend to wake up before he gets to me. I still feel responsible for what happened to him. Whatever Ryan was and how badly he treated me, he didn’t deserve to lose his life. He still had a family who cared about him and lots of friends.”

Neldra sighed and looked up at you. “Thorin’s actions towards Ryan were to protect and honour you. I am sure Thorin did not go out of his way to take Ryan’s life. He feels deeply for those he cares about, and you are the one he cares about most, above anything else. How would you react if your roles had of been reversed?”

You couldn’t help but chuckle dryly. “Thorin asked me the same question. And I told him I would kill anyone for hurting him. Although maybe not literally. I could only imagine how Thorin must have felt when he heard my screams; I’d have reacted the same way if I heard him in that situation.”

“There you are,” Neldra said with a big smile.

You shifted a little closer to the table, pulling the seat with you. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course you can,” Neldra replied. Her eyes were focused on the stitching before her, but her mind was alert to the sound of your voice.

“Do you know anything about the mirror that brought me through? Thorin said he had a mirror in his bed chamber and he could see me through it.”

Neldra placed the dress down on the table and looked at you, her full attention resting on you. She took a sip of her tea and began to speak. “Whether this is he same mirror, I do not know, but I remember reading a story as a child about magic mirrors that were said to be enchanted and able to grant the deepest desire of whoever looked in them. The one who looks into the mirror and is able to be granted their wish has to be pure of heart. This was all a story, mind you.”

“But it does seem rather strange that Thorin could see me through a mirror and could come through. In my world, he was a character in a book that had been written many years ago. He was a fictional character, and at first I seriously thought I was losing my mind.”

“There are many magics in this world that we aren’t aware of. Who knows if the mystery of you and Thorin finding each other will ever be solved. But for now, does it really matter that much?”

“I suppose not.”

 

***

It was not too far off midnight when you made it back to yours and Thorin’s bed chamber. Inside and the candles were burning fairly low. You walked in and began to unbutton your dress, allowing it to fall to the floor in a pool around your feet.

Your bed was empty. Thorin was no doubt still going about his necessary preparations for the unveiling.

You climbed into bed, feeling the sting of fatigue against your eyelids. The warmth and comfort of your bed suspended you, and you sank down into the fresh sheets. The cotton pillows were soft under your head and you felt the fur of the covers beneath your hands.

Darkness descended, until you jerked awake. You had sensed someone in the room, and when you focused, you saw Thorin with his back to the bed. He was pulling his tunic over his head, leaving his body completely naked. You smiled sleepily as you studied his broad shoulders and chest, which them tapered further in down at his waist. His tight backside and thighs, all signs of an experienced warrior, physically fit and able to endure much.

You lay under the covers, pretending to be asleep and felt the bed dip as Thorin slipped in. Immediately you felt your heart begin to beat that little quicker, and the all too familiar flicker of pleasure between your thighs. Thorin had been there many times already and you always welcomed him.

You waited just a little longer until Thorin was lay on his back, comfortable and had closed his eyes. This was your moment.

Slowly, as not to raise suspicions that you were awake, you shifted, hoping that Thorin wouldn’t open his eyes. Downwards you went towards his navel, smelling his earthy aroma. You remained beneath the sheet.

Little did you know, Thorin was smiling to himself, knowing full well you were awake.

You opened your mouth and took Thorin’s manhood.

A gentle groan. Then he chuckled. “You do not fool me so easily, my love.”

 

***

The next day and you woke fairly late, opening your eyes to see Thorin already fully dressed and prepared for council that morning. However, upon waking, he sat beside you and asked something that made your heart race. “Will you join me this morning?”

“In council?” you asked, startled by the question. “I’d have nothing to contribute, and would I even be welcome there?” You knew that as soon as you stepped foot inside the hall you would be judged. Of course the council members, along with every other resident of the mountain, would he analysing their future Queen, wanting to know if she was of the right calibre to co-rule such a wealthy and powerful kingdom.

The smile that Thorin had greeted you with slowly drained from his face. “Why would you not be welcome? You have every right to be there and meet those who I trust to advise me on pressing matters. I do not think you realise your importance.”

“I’m not Queen yet, though,” you said, sitting up. “I’d not be able to speak…”

“This morning is purely for you to meet those who attend. I’m not expecting you to stand before them all and decide on matters which would greatly affect the kingdom. That will come with time. There may even be times that you go alone and act on both our behalves.”

His words made you think back to the night you first gave yourself to him, before Ryan tried to tear away your hope of being together. Both of you had lay beneath your covers, discussing this very thing. Thorin had told you that being Queen meant you would hold responsibility in your hand and the people would look to you to make decent decisions. All of that back then had seemed like such a far away possibility, a far flung dream. Now it was staring at you. That responsibility was waiting for you. You looked at Thorin, watching that beautiful smile begin to grow again. You could do this. And for one main reason: the man at your side. He would teach you and shape you to be a good, just ruler of people. Neldra had also shown you that the people were behind you, ready to be your guide.

With a huge inhale, you got out of bed and prepared yourself for the day ahead. Thorin stood by, watching you with pride as you washed, dressed and combed your hair, then applied perfume.

“I have something very important I wish to begin discussing at council,” Thorin began as you both approached your bed chamber door. “But it’s only right that we discuss it between ourselves first.”

“What’s that?” you asked.

“Our wedding.”

Something jumped inside you at those words. Something exciting, pleasurable and also which exacerbated your nerves. Wedding. That word made things so real. The very idea of marriage in your former life with Ryan and even before him, had been something you had hidden inside you. Marriage to you was the ultimate outward symbol of love, declaring to the world that you were about to give your life to someone else. And that had been something you had yearned to do, always wanting to be completely vulnerable to someone else and bear all.

“You are quiet again,” Thorin said softly, drawing his arm around your waist. “Talk to me.”

“I…just…” you began, fighting hard over the lump in your throat. “I never imagined I’d ever get married. I always told myself that I would just drift, never finding someone to give myself to.”

“I would be lying if I told you that I had not felt the same. Among Dwarves, the number of women has dwindled, so many of us have found ourselves dying unmarried and without children. I began to think that was my fate. After all, I had sacrificed all that hope for my people. Little did I know that my path was not meant to cross with a woman of my kind. Mahal had other plans for me.”

You couldn’t help but chucke at Thorin. “Even if there aren’t as many women as men, surely all the women would have been going crazy to get to you.”

Thorin began to blush and he looked down. “Position and standing can be driving force for many, and I was able to discern that in my youth. But as I grew wiser to the world, my motivations and priorities changed. But there was always a hope, an unfulfilled desire, and I thank Mahal every day that it was answered.”

You both kissed, revelling in the warmth and contentment that you radiated.

As you both parted, Thorin took your arm and guided you out of the room and down towards the council chambers.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all kudos and comments on this fic. I did find this chapter particularly hard to write and when it was three quarters completed I considered deleting and writing it all again, but then decided to leave it the way it is. In some ways I feel that the reader is actually turning into her own character and really should be more of an original character rather than a reader insert. We see a lot more of her vulnerability, anxiety and the way the past has affected her negatively. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy. Honest thoughts and feedback are welcome!

CHAPTER ELEVEN

 

Your first time in council hadn’t been as frightening as you were first expecting. Thorin had introduced you to all the Dwarves sat around a huge table, and in turn they had bowed their heads to you, offering smiles as well. You had shaken from head to foot, intimidated by the whole situation. But Thorin had kept his hand in yours, reassuring you that you weren’t alone.

The council session had lasted one hour and was mainly Thorin listening to the other members speak about trade deals, building works which were repairing damage to the lower halls from when Smaug the dragon had taken charge of Erebor, and then your wedding had been mentioned, along with the unveiling of your throne.

Thorin got up from his seat, turning his full attention to the dozen or so people before him. “The unveiling is two days away and in that time I hope for full support from you all. The carpenters and stonemasons have been working day and night to finish the Queen’s throne. But after that I intend to set our wedding and her coronation on Durin’s Day.” Thorin smiled, his happiness beaming across the room. “It will be the finest and grandest of celebrations.” He then turned and looked at you. But you could not reciprocate in Thorin’s enthusiasm. You offered a weak smile and looked down at your feet, but as your gaze drifted back up, you noticed a flicker in his eyes. He was well aware of your reaction.

As all the council members filed from the room shortly afterwards and the majority of them had bowed to you again, Thorin stared at you. He walked to the door briskly and slammed it. The bang echoed around the stone hall. Shock hit you hard and you jumped. “What was that?!” Thorin shouted.

“What do you mean?” you asked, your heartbeat racing. Such a stupid question. You knew what he was referring to.

Thorin growled under his breath. “Everything I am doing and you act ungratefully. What do you want of me? To treat you as something to be discarded? I do not understand what you want.” His eyes were alight with frustration and his jaw was clenched.

This man was beautiful, and even when he was raising his voice, he gave you butterflies. You could feel shock and anxiety mixing with excitement, forming a toxic mix which made you shake. Tears burned in your eyes, threatening to come any moment. But strength rose from somewhere inside you, making itself known from your deepest depths. “I’m not the same as you, Thorin,” you replied, your voice composed, despite your insides leaping chaotically. “You’re proud and you don’t have any problem with standing in front of people, being a leader and being strong. I’m nothing like that, and you can’t understand that. You expect me to lie down and accept all of this completely without question. You call me ungrateful, but you don’t see what’s going on inside me. And even though I’ve explained this to you, you still don’t get it. If I was truly ungrateful then we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

Thorin glared at you. “I only have one question for you, and answer me truthfully.” His voice was stern, verging on angry. “Are you prepared to be crowned as Queen?”

You remained silent for a few seconds, and that lack of response was all the answer Thorin needed.

In a flash the man you loved was gone. The door slammed again as he stormed out of it.

You stood still, closing your eyes. Would Thorin ever truly understand you? Probably not. As royalty, he had been used to a life of standing on a stage in front of others, always being held in high status and having others flock before him. Your upbringing was an almost complete opposite. As a child you had been quiet, not quite fitting onto people’s radar. Friends came and went. Potential boyfriends were never interested enough, wondering on to prettier girls, slimmer girls, more exciting girls. You were never the one people fought for, who people wanted.

A memory began to rise from the depths of your mind. Ryan had kissed another woman after only six months of being in a relationship with you. You had always been suspicious that more had occurred between them as she was the receptionist at the garage he had worked at. But you had let the incident go, scared of leaving him and being alone.

The door to the hall opened again and one of the council members re-appeared. He was a grey fellow with hair that stuck up in all directions and he had a long, braided beard, again, completely white. “My name is Hodel, my lady,” he said, giving you a broad smile which made his bright eyes become smaller over a broad, rounded nose. His teeth were slightly yellowed by many years being a pipe smoker. “I sensed your…ahem, uneasiness. If I am being rude, my apologies…”

“You aren’t being rude at all, Hodel. Thank you for being kind. I’m surprised how many of you have accepted me so quickly and I’ve done nothing.”

“Well, my service is yours. Dwarves are often victims of the misconception of not being welcoming to others, but show us hospitality and friendliness, then we will offer the same in return. Thorin has struggled to begin re-building this kingdom, even with so many of us advising. He needs someone close to him, and maybe you need that too.”

You looked at Hodel and saw his bright, caring eyes studying you. This gentleman before you was like Neldra in male form, and for a second you wondered if they were relatives; maybe father and daughter or uncle and niece.

 

***

Meanwhile, Thorin thundered back into your shared bedchamber. The door banged and shook as it was slammed shut, the metal latch rattling. Thorin approached his writing table and flung a vase of roses across the floor.

_WHY? Why are you doing this to me? After everything I have done for you! Why can you not give yourself completely?_

A knock came to the door.

Thorin roared profanity in Khazdul at the door.

Neldra stood the other side of the door and sighed to herself. Immediately she knew that something sensitive had been discussed between you and Thorin. She had known his foul moods before, but nothing had ever caused him to explode in such a manner as that day. “My Lord?” Neldra asked, opening the door anyway in concern.

Thorin was speechless that Neldra had dared to enter the room after being screamed at. “LEAVE ME!” He bellowed again.

“Is she alright?” Neldra asked, becoming concerned for you. “I am asking out of concern for both of you.”

Thorin scoffed. “She talks to you often so maybe you can put some sense in her head.”

Neldra walked inside and approached Thorin, watching his puffed out chest and high shoulders begin to slouch. Defiance and pride began to slip away from him, leaving sadness and confusion. “I do not understand how to please her,” Thorin said again, frustration seeping from his voice. “Her happiness is paramount.”

“My Lord, what I am about to say may be considered impertinence, but I ask that you will listen to me.”

“Go on,” Thorin said reluctantly, sighing.

“You must stop putting so much emphasis on her status; concentrate on those things in which you can enjoy together. Spend time in one another’s company forgetting the upcoming coronation. Let her be herself. She worships you, as you do her. But realise that your relationship is not tied to her being Queen. It is about your union, not the kingdom.”

 

***

 

There was no way you could face Thorin now. His huge outburst had shown you how deeply sensitive he was and how easily he could be offended. Was there any way you could make this right and compromise? Your relationship with Thorin had become so rooted in your future of being Queen that it felt as if he had forgotten your true identity, the woman you were outside of being his companion.

You walked down stone hallways, listening to the hammering and clanking of re-building going on, repairing the huge, towering columns and statues of past kings. At a balcony which overlooked the main area in which Smaug had remained, sitting upon King Thror’s gold hoard, you re-collected the story. In your mixed emotions of coming to Erebor, you had forgot that all of this was something you had always been aware of. The story of Thorin’s quest to re-claim Erebor from Smaug had been in written form for many years. How could you have forgotten that?

Life had departed one extreme and spiralled into another. Humble beginnings had become a high profile, high standing fate. The girl who no one ever seemed to care for and who walked aimlessly through life was now ascending to something wonderful, powerful. That thought made you freeze in terror. Your chest tightened and you panted.

“You must ask yourself a question,” a voice said from behind you.

You spun on your heel and looked upon the reassuring face of Neldra. “Is it yourself you do not accept, and your ascension to something bigger? Or is it Thorin?”

“Of course I accept Thorin!” you growled. “Why wouldn’t you think I accept him.”

Neldra stood before you and looked at you, her eyes showing anger. “I asked you not to break his heart and that is what you’re doing. I have spoken to him, advising him on how I think he can ease the pressure from your shoulders. But this runs deeper in you than in him. You talk as though Thorin is the problem, but it is you. How can a man loving you be crime in which you seek punishment?”

“I’m _not_ seeking punishment!” you countered.

“You say that you knew of Thorin before you came here, but why are you now finding such hardship in accepting him? I am your friend, but I am also a servant of the King. I am true to those I hold dear and both of you I do.”

“Sounds like you’re in love with him!” you scoffed, unable to hold back such petty words. Everyone was slowly turning against you, banding together. At first they gave you words of reassurance, and then those words turned to accusation.

Neldra grit her teeth and looked away. A nerve had been hit. “If I wasn’t your friend and not of service to you, I would have no issue hitting you. How dare you!”

You turned your back on Neldra and walked away, knowing that your words had been ridiculous and out of order, but you felt loneliness eat at you. That gnawing, empty sensation in your stomach which made you want to gag and weep. Offending people seemed to be the only thing you could do that day.

 

***

 

That evening you sat in the library in a corner, avoiding as many people as you could. You were hungry, thirsty, alone and empty. Thorin had not attempted to look for you and your confrontation with Neldra meant that you had now lost your one friend.

_I bet you_ _’_ _re happy, Ryan. Even now and you_ _’_ _re still with me, haunting me. Every person who has ever turned against me, hurt me and rejected me. All of you have made me like this: a wreck who can_ _’_ _t even accept the love of a good man. Instead I fuck everything up, putting a wedge between me and everyone who actually gives a toss about me._

Candles burned low and the librarians disappeared for the night, leaving you amongst the books. Hundreds of them, all rowed neatly. It had become silent. No footsteps, no tinkering and hammering. The whole afternoon and you had sat contemplating your life: let go, be vulnerable and be happy. Or stay guarded, isolated but take no risks.

_How can I do this to Thorin? Again and again, I go back on my word, on my promise. That trust is eroding. It_ _’_ _s not the point of marrying Thorin, having children with him, growing old together. It_ _’_ _s knowing my life will always be on show to people. He_ _’_ _s giving me too much to handle._

You thought on what you could be doing with Thorin in those moments, if you hadn’t of been so stupid and he so stubborn. Making love. The way he touched you, made you feel, made you orgasm. No other man could ever satisfy you. Ryan’s touch made you feel as though you were only there for one purpose: his pleasure. Thorin suspended you in air as though your whole body were floating. He would thrust against you faster, knowing your peak was coming, and get faster still, his eyes focused on you, a smile between his lips. Thorin made you see a bigger purpose than Ryan ever did: intense, electric pleasure for both of you. In all the times you had been intimate with Thorin, he _always_ made sure you were pleasured, even if he was not.

The way he had looked at you when he said he could never deny you a child. Thorin was ready to meet every single need of yours, every desire. His desire did not matter. Were you being selfish? What did Thorin want? That question had never been raised by you. In fact, Thorin was constantly asking the question verbally or mentally as to what you desired. You realised that you had never bothered to ask Thorin that one special question.

The mirror. Neldra’s story about the mirror. A desire can only be granted to those pure of heart. Thorin’s desire was you. If the mirror had drawn you both together across worlds, then what was it about you that was compatible with Thorin? _You_ Thorin’s desire? How could this beautiful, powerful man desire you?

No matter how much you tried to accept all of this going on around you, you couldn’t.

_I deserve mediocre at best. Not this. Thorin needs a woman who can lead and who can be confident. I can barely lead myself in life, let alone a whole kingdom of people._

You slept in the library, awkwardly propped in one of the high back, leather seats. It was only weak sleep which lasted in hour bursts, then you sat awake, contemplating your next move. Going home would mean you being open to police interrogation regarding Ryan’s death. It was obvious that they were approaching you as a suspect, or at least knowing something behind the motives to his murder.

Your stomach was tight, your breath became painful and the terror of where your future was heading hit you. Nothing was simple. Nothing could be foreseen. That uncertainty had always pushed your anxiety, and the loneliness had given way to bursts of depression throughout your teen and adult years. Curing your fear and loneliness had to come from within yourself before you could even consider making a new life. Was Thorin prepared to wait for you? Or was his need for a Queen so urgent that you would never find peace?

 

***

As the morning broke, signalled by the arrival of the librarians, you got up from your seat, stretching your back. Your head throbbed, your stomach gurgled and all you wanted was peace, no matter where you found yourself.

You had to speak with Thorin, to announce your departure. You couldn’t stay in Erebor, knowing that you had deeply offended him and Neldra, but also because your issues were causing these intermittent tears in your relationship. In your excitement to leave your world and be with Thorin, you had fallen into the misconception of so many others: love will save you.

The walk back to your bed chamber was a slow one. You breathed in and out, deep and steady, calming your nerves. No doubt Thorin would still be fuming from the day previous, and he would not be in any mood to sit down and talk with you openly.

By the time you got to your door, your heart was hammering in your chest. With a shaking hand you reached up and brushed away a stray tear from your face. “Come on, you can do this,” you whispered to yourself. You knocked on the door and waited.

Footsteps from inside.

You closed your eyes, preparing yourself for what was to come.

“What?” Thorin shouted as he opened the door, only to come face to face with you. His eyes widened as they focused on you and his shoulders fell back. “Where were you all night?” he asked, his voice still stern, but holding on to confusion and relief.

“Can I come in?” you asked.

Thorin stepped aside and let you in. You walked into the bed chamber and immediately noticed two vases of roses smashed on the stone floor. Papers were littered across his desk, and the previous day’s clothing was lying, strewn over the floor.

“We need to talk before I leave,” you said, standing up straight and composing yourself.

“Leave?” Thorin asked, turning back towards you in shock.

“After what happened yesterday, I can’t stay here. I have a lot of issues, and I need to get them straight in my own head before we consider what happens from here. I not only offended you, but Neldra.”

“Are you saying that you wish to leave me…and…?” his voice began to break.

“I don’t know what I want. Everything in my head is a mess, and I need to try and put things back together. I’m no good to anyone the way I am. Maybe I was stupid enough to think that coming here with you and loving you could heal me. But it can’t. You don’t understand me the way I thought you did.”

“In what way do you feel I do not understand you? And I will try,” Thorin said, stepping towards you. “I will do my best to try for you. I have been putting our duties above everything and this has compromised our relationship. I know that now. Neldra spoke to me yesterday, helping me see where I need to amend my ways.”

_Neldra only wants to help and my attitude to her was absolutely disgusting. I need to stop lashing out when people are trying to help me._

“I’m sorry,” you said and rushed at Thorin, embracing him. You held your head against him and wept. “You can do so much better than me. I’m not a leader.”

“Shhhh,” he cooed, brushing your hair. He felt your whole body judder in the throes of your grief. “I have already requested the unveiling and wedding be post phoned for now, my love.”

You sniffed and looked up at him from the comfort of his arms. “Really?”

Thorin smiled. “I was selfish in all of this and never asked you how you felt. It is I that should apologise. Please stay. And we will take as long as we need for you to reach the point when you feel you are ready.”

You pressed your forehead to his. “I’ve promised myself to you and that won’t change. I just wish I was stronger.”

“You are stronger than you think,” Thorin said softly and then kissed you.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you're all enjoying the fic so far. It's starting to move on a little now and the reader is really beginning to make her mark. 
> 
> I do have a warning for this chapter. It has some quite graphic dream description of the reader's strangulation memory, but also centres on Ryan now being dead. The imagery may be a little graphic for some people. The description is like a cross between Pet Semetary by Stephen King (fantastic book! And, yes, it is spelled like that with an 'S') and The Evil Dead. This is why I've now added the tag of 'Graphic description of corpses' as it's probably the closest thing I could find to it.

 

CHAPTER TWELVE

 

For the next two days, the unveiling and coronation weren’t mentioned again. And after a long talk with Neldra, you explaining the reasons as to your outburst towards her, both of you made amends and continued on with your friendship as though nothing had happened.

On the second night, just before Dis, Fili and Kili were due to arrive, you had one of your worst nightmares to date. Ryan had his bony hands around your neck, pressing in to your vocal cords. You struggled for air, gasping and trying to scream. He lifted you from the ground, your feet kicking back and forth, attempting to hit him. Tears streamed down your cheeks as you looked into his hollow eye sockets. Maggots slithered out of the sockets, falling down his skeletal features along with pieces of skin and dirt. His grip became so tight that your vision became blurred and a manic laugh escaped his mouth. There were no lips, just an echoing, devilish sound that resonated from within the decomposed remains of what was once Ryan Carter.

“You’re dead, slut,” he laughed.

Suddenly your eyes shot open and you realised you were screaming; the sound of your own terror hit your ears hard. Thorin was over you, his hands on your shoulders, trying to calm you. You looked up at Thorin and burst into tears, weeping uncontrollably as he swept you up into his arms. “Please, take it away. I can’t stand this anymore,” you begged. “He’s haunting me.”

Thorin never said anything, but instead held you tight, kissing your head. He knew that he shouldn’t have allowed his emotions to take control as much as they had in those moments he sealed Ryan’s fate. But as Thorin had stood before Ryan, pounding his fist into the man’s skull, knocking him to the ground and then cracking his head against pavement, all he could hear were your screams for help. And as you screamed that morning, waking from the nightmare, it was exactly the same as those screams he heard from the shard of mirror when Ryan had attempted to strangle you.

In Thorin’s want to protect you, he had only opened another door to your suffering.

***

It was just before dawn and you knew you wouldn’t be able to sleep. Thorin had remained awake beside you after your nightmare.

“I’ll go and get a drink,” you said.

Thorin gripped your hand. “Allow me to go. You rest.”

“I just want to get up and walk. I keep seeing him, Thorin. That decomposing face, and I can hear him laughing at me, calling me a slut.” You cried again, sobbing into Thorin’s bare chest. Even with your eyes shut tight and your body flush against Thorin, you could still see and feel him. Rotting flesh, claw-like hands digging into your neck, a demented laugh that had become gravelly from the dirt which had begun to fester in his throat.

Thorin grit his teeth in sheer anger, thinking on those dark eyes of Ryan. They were evil, malicious eyes, that wanted nothing more than to cause havoc. Even when Thorin had defended your honour, Ryan couldn’t help but smirk, teasing Thorin to make his move, provoking the Dwarf King.

_“I know it’s you who beat me up last time,” Ryan had laughed, looking down at Thorin from his taller height. “Come to finish off what you started last time, have you, cunt? Let me guess, you’re the one fucking her now, aren’t you? Good riddance to the piece of shit. She was never worth much, only a quick shag to relieve the itch for a bit. You’re welcome to her.”_

_Thorin acted on pure raging anger at Ryan’s disgusting words and flew at him, his fist administering the first battering blow. Cheek bone cracked and then jaw, before Ryan toppled backwards. The back of Ryan’s skull hit the pavement with a sickening thump. And that was the last thing Ryan ever saw: Thorin’s face, eyes raging and teeth bared. He would pay for his actions towards you, and he would pay for them with his life._

One thing was evident: Thorin had taken his anger too far and the consequences of his actions now rested on your shoulders. “I’m sorry, my love,” Thorin whispered to you, stroking your hair. “If I could take back my actions, I would. I would have let him live just to know that none of this would lie on your shoulders.”

You looked at Thorin, your eyes red and swollen. “I would never hold this against you. You were defending me, and you’re the only person in my life who ever has. If I could wish things had of been different, it would be that we met sooner. I wasted years moving through life, searching for people to care about me, and you were always there. I just never knew you were real. But you kept me alive in all that time; your story, and what you did, it kept a spark alight in me. And I’ll be eternally grateful to you for that.”

A few minutes later and you got out of bed, leaving Thorin amongst the covers and furs to doze a little, whilst you fetched hot drinks. The walk down to the serving area helped you unwind just a touch, your heartbeat and breathing now keeping at a steady pace. The carpet, woven fabrics of navy and gold, was soft beneath your feet. The air was fresh, despite you being situated underground.

Everyone was still asleep at this hour. The only people who were awake were the guards and they very rarely ventured down towards the King’s quarters, only doing so in a dire emergency. All servants were off duty until early morning, rising to begin work at day break. So it wouldn’t be much longer until Neldra rose to begin her duties. Today would be a busier day than usual due to the arrival of Thorin’s family and possibly more Dwarves accompanying them from the Blue Mountains. Not all Dwarves had moved from the Blue Mountains to Erebor immediately, tying off their loose ends to begin a new life that Thorin was now building back in their true homeland.  

Ryan’s face shot before your eyes again as you lit the stove, preparing the water for boiling. Your breathing sped up again and you felt tears sting your eyes. Was he haunting you from beyond the grave? Or was this the guilt you now carried manifesting itself as such a ghastly image? You had never been a religious person, but spiritual matters were something you were open minded towards. An afterlife was something that you kept in mind, and now that powerful forces had been at work to bring you and Thorin together, you were adamant that something more, higher powers, were at play.

_Be strong. You can get through this. Starting over new is the only way you’re going to be completely rid of the bastard. And so far you’re proving him wrong that you mean nothing. Thorin has shown you enough now that you’re worthy of love and kindness. He’s done nothing but be kind, gentle and show his love. I should try and do something special for him. Maybe I can have a word with Neldra about preparing something._

You poured the hot water over tea bags and consciously tried your best to concentrate on other things. For a day or two now you had been considering helping out in the library. Some of the books had fallen into decay and needed re-binding, so you had been thinking on talking to the head librarian about giving a helping hand. However, you knew that Thorin more than likely wouldn’t be happy with the idea, thinking that you were above such work. But if it kept you busy and your mind was elsewhere, then you would do what was necessary.

By the time you had made it back to your bed chamber with two mugs of hot tea, you stepped inside to see Thorin had gone back to sleep and was snoring. You sighed and stepped up to his bedside table, placing a mug next to him. He jumped, startled by your presence. “Oh, apologies, my love,” he told you, pulling himself up. “Are you alright?”

“Feeling better now that I’ve gone for a walk,” you told him, and slipped into bed. “I hope I can stay awake for Dis’ arrival later today. I can feel myself growing tired now.”

“If you don’t feel up to meeting her at the main gates, then we can always leave you both meeting until dinner tonight,” Thorin proposed.

“Meeting the in laws, always scary,” you giggled, taking a sip of your hot tea. “I’ve met a couple of boyfriends’ moms, and it’s nerve wracking. Back home it has become almost a joke that meeting the in laws is terrifying and your partner’s parents always hate you.”

Thorin looked at you, a broad smile on his face. “I know my mother would have loved you, and my father. If you had of met my brother, Frerin, then I believe you may have been swayed with his charm more than mine. He had a definite way with women. More so than I ever did. Being the first born, I was always being taught by my father and grandfather how to rule the kingdom; Frerin was free of such responsibility.”

“I doubt it very much,” you said, not wishing to ask about Thorin’s family too early into your courtship and cause him any upset. You assumed that Frerin and his mother were no longer alive. “I’ve never really been attracted to overly charming men who act as though they can have any woman they want. I can’t really say what I’m attracted to in general. I don’t have a type. You’re nothing like the couple of boyfriends I’ve had. And that’s definitely a good thing. Have you had many courtships?”

Thorin blushed a little and coughed over his tea. “I have a little experience with women, but purely in the sexual sense. As many of us males do, we pursue women for our pleasures when young. But that changes with time, and the act of sexual pleasure evolves. When we find our One, making love becomes a true binding, emotionally and physically. And that means once you are bound to your One, sexual pleasure and companionship can never be found anywhere else.”

His words caused an ache to stir in your chest, a reaction to such beautiful sentiment and belief. You pulled your nightdress above your head and threw it to the floor, then placed a leg either side of Thorin, positioning your hips against his. His arms curled around you, and you both kissed.

“My love,” he whispered to your ear and then allowed his lips to delve onto your neck. Within seconds, you found yourself lying on your back across the bed, his dominant streak winning out, as always. Thorin’s hands caressed your skin, drifting down your thigh and cupping your breast. Electric raged through you and you groaned, your head thrown back. Then his lips were back on your neck, his beard tickling you. “How about we make that baby you so yearn for?” he asked. His fingers felt through the curls at your thighs, finding your main pleasure point.

“Please,” you begged, your mind ablaze with such lust and passion for this man. The thought of being primal in your actions, using this time of intimacy to try and do the very thing that was natural to all creatures, reproduction, made the throbbing between your legs even more intense.

“Anything,” Thorin groaned against you, his hand curled in yours. “Anything you ask and it will be done.”

You made love slowly and deeply, every movement so intense. Thorin rocked his body against you, pushing in as deep as he could go, drawing moans and gasps from you which made him smile. One way or another he would bless you both with a child and an heir.

Thorin felt his climax approaching but lingered just at the edge, not allowing himself to fall until you had had your fill. The feel of your soft skin, the warmth inside you, the sweat on your neck and chest, and your moans of pleasure were forcing him closer. “I do not think I can hold on any longer,” he whispered, desperate to make sure you reached climax.

“Go with it, Thorin. Enjoy it,” you told him, and from then on you thrust against him faster, wanting to see him come. And then he did. His eyes closed and a deep, low groan hit his throat. With one final thrust against you, hard and deep, he spilled.

Gasping, Thorin fell down next to you. You reached across for him and placed your head on his chest, kissing it. “Don’t keep worrying about me. Enjoy the moment,” you said.

Thorin chuckled. “What kind of man would I be to deny my future wife and Queen her due pleasure? It is my duty to make sure you are satisfied.”

A short while later and you drifted to sleep on Thorin, warm and content. No more dreams came to you…for now. And by midday you woke, alone. Thorin must have got dressed and prepared himself for Dis’ arrival. The bed was warm and for a few minutes, you remained bound by the sheets, clinging to the comfort. You could still feel fatigue and an ache behind your eyes, signalling a lack of sleep.

Reluctantly, you got up from the bed and began to wash and dress. A fresh bowl of water had been supplied, probably whilst you were still sleeping just after Thorin left. The atmosphere felt more peaceful as you washed and dressed alone, not having Thorin or Neldra watching you and on hand. Their constant want to help you made you uncomfortable; you had always been self sufficient growing up, taking responsibility of your own life and not relying on others. Just shy of your eighteenth birthday had been when you first moved from your parents’ home, taking up residence with a fellow student from your college. You weren’t close friends by any means, but had agreed to go in shares of your rent to help save money to then move forward into your own lives. Now in Erebor seemed like the years you should have had with your parents growing up: being looked after, helped and reassured. Your father had tried to commit to that to some extent but your mother had been the main driving force for you becoming independent so early. Her selfish nature had meant that you had never been prioritised in the way you should have been as her child.

You looked at yourself in the full length dress mirror next to your bed and could see the similarities in appearance between your mother and you. The same eyes and nose. But you had your father’s lips and softer facial expressions. They would never know what happened to you. In their mind you had probably run away to start a new life, crumbled under Ryan’s will. They would never know you had risen from the ashes of insecurity and anxiety to be a Queen.

***

Neldra arrived at your bedchamber shortly afterwards with a light breakfast.

“Have you eaten yet?” you asked her. Neldra placed the tray down on your bedside table.

“Not yet. I have not had chance. The preparations for the the King’s sister arriving have taken precedence.”

“Not over eating they don’t,” you said firmly. “Come and sit down and share this with me. I can’t believe you haven’t eaten. I’ll have a word with Thorin later to make sure none of you are missing out on your meals and good rest. It’s not right.”

Neldra smiled and sat down in a leather seat next to you. “I can assure you that it’s not the King’s fault. If anyone’s it is ours. A few of us like to make sure our duties are carried out first.”

You reached over and began to eat your food, taking a mouthful of egg. “Think of it this way, Neldra, if you’re not rested and have energy, then how are you going to carry out those duties? I’m going to make sure that everyone has a good breakfast each morning. How often do you take breaks, and how long are your working hours?”

“I tend to work from sunrise until around dinner time and have the sixth day of the week off for myself. Some days I do not have any breaks.”

“That’s going to change,” you insisted. “Every one of you, no matter what job you do, and you’ll get a breakfast at sunrise and regular breaks. I need to talk to Thorin about this because it seems as though he does not know it’s going on and you’ve all been arranging your own working patterns. I just want to make sure you’re all taken care of.”

“You are very kind,” Neldra said.

“Come, eat,” you told her.

***

Just before you made your way down for dinner to meet Dis, you took a detour into the library and approached the main librarians. You smiled upon the sight of a very familiar face. “Hodel!” you cried happily. “I had no idea you were a librarian.”

“I have devoted my life to book keeping and taking charge of Erebor’s history recording for many years now, my Lady, but also advise at the King’s counsel meetings,” he replied. He was sat behind an oak desk and in front of him was a leather book, covered in cobwebs and ripped down the spine. “What brings you here?”

“I wanted to ask if I could help you? It’ll keep me busy and take my mind off things. I overheard that a lot of books need re-binding.” You leaned a little closer over the desk towards Hodel. He looked up at you over half moon, silver-rimmed spectacles.

“I could ask what has made you want to carry out such work. Does the King know that you wish to help?”

“No, he doesn’t, and I know what Thorin will say, but I just need time for myself and to help me through a very rough time I’m having at the moment. I like to keep myself busy. I hate being bored and over thinking.”

“I shall not ask any more, but you are more than welcome to help, as often or as little as you wish. I can tutor you for a day or two on the basics in binding if you like.”

“I would like that very much,” you grinned. “Maybe it’ll help me learn Khazdul in the process. That’s something I want to ask Thorin to teach me. It’s not very fitting to have a Queen who can’t even speak the language of her people.”

Hodel chuckled. “We can all speak the Common Tongue, my Lady, so that would never be a problem for us. In fact, I would highly recommend Kurdul. He has much experience in languages and has tutored many of us here. He’s an old fellow now, but still likes to feel useful. I’ll speak to him on your behalf if that is what you’d like?”

“Would you?” you asked. “That would be greatly appreciated, Hodel.”

***

Dinner time arrived, and you could feel your stomach beginning to knot. You knew much about Kili and Fili from the quest to take back Erebor, but Dis was a complete unknown to you. Would she be offended by the fact that her brother was about to take a wife who was not a Dwarf? Being such a proud race of people, surely someone would not be so welcoming towards you.

Guards bowed their heads as you walked to the main, wooden doors of the feasting hall. The doors towered above you, and for a second you had to take a deep breath to settle the nerves raging inside you.

_You can do this._

One of the guards lifted the latch on the door and allowed you in. Little by little, the room got bigger before your eyes, and there sat in the centre was a group of Dwarves. Thorin, as he usually was, sat at the head of the table. He was smiling at you. “Here she is,” he told everyone.

Your eyes scanned the others; you recognised Fili and Kili sat side by side. Dwalin and Balin, and then a raven-haired woman sat at the very bottom of the table, facing Thorin. She looked up at you, eyes wide and ice blue like her brother’s. Her eyes surveyed you as you walked into the room, heading to the empty seat next to Thorin on his left hand side and on Fili’s right side.

“Good evening,” you said sheepishly, and sat down.

You took a deep inhale and prepared yourself for the meal ahead.


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

 

All eyes were on you, and once again the nerves began to rear their ugly head. The voice in the back of your mind told you that you were not suitable to be sat in such company and every one of them would hate you. Then came the reassuring touch of Thorin’s hand on yours beneath the table. You looked up and caught one of his loving smiles.

Dis was watching you, as you suspected. Her eyes would be on you like a hawk, studying whether you were a worthy match for her older brother and King. She remained straight faced as you tried to judge what she may have been thinking in those moments upon first meeting you, but already you could gauge that she was a difficult woman to analyse. However, you could not deny that she was beautiful. Her almost black hair and slight facial hair shone against her paler skin and silver eyes. Down her back were long braids, clipped with silver rune beads. Her dress was navy blue with gold edging and long sleeves and seemed to have a lower neckline than a lot of the other women’s dresses you had seen.

“So, Uncle told us how you met. What a strange story,” Kili began, breaking the silence.

You noticed Dis raise an eyebrow. “I have never been a believer in such fairy tales,” she said in a stern voice, which was deeper in pitch for most women but still held that familiarity of being feminine.

Thorin chuckled. “Are you telling me that I would lie?”

Serving staff began to arrive with trays of hot food and tumblers of wine and ales. Wafts of mouth watering cuisines hit your nose and in response your stomach gurgled. “It looks lovely,” you said, finally speaking in front of everyone. Up until now they may have mistaken you for a mute.

You noticed Fili, Kili and Dwalin begin to pack their plates with foods, their arms stretching across to the middle of the table. Balin held back, giving his brother a look of distain who nearly hit him in the face with his elbow in his enthusiasm to eat.

“Good journey?” you asked, looking to eat Dwarf in turn around the table. Your heart was still racing, but you knew that you had to be social at such an event. Dis, Fili and Kili were to be your family, and no doubt Balin and Dwalin would be council members and advisers to Thorin for some time.

“Apart from the thunderstorm that hit us just two nights ago,” Balin mused. “It was decent enough. Do you intend to send a message to Bilbo? I would assume you would want him to attend your wedding.”

“The wedding has not yet been arranged,” Thorin said, shifting in his seat. You noticed him glance at you out of the corner of your eye as if he were waiting for you to respond. “But, yes, I’ll send a formal invitation to Master Baggins when arrangements are underway. And Gandalf, if he can be found. There is reason he is called the Wondering Wizard.”

“Lets hear more about you,” Fili said loudly, chewing on a piece of pulled pork. He looked directly at you, his eyes alight with questions and intrigue. “We had all given up hope that Uncle would wed. You must have proved to be something quite special to turn his head.”

You looked at Dis, seeing that her face was still straight. No hint of a smile, scowl, nothing. Her face was entirely unreadable. You swallowed hard and looked down at the table, your eyes not quite knowing what to focus on. A loud exhale slipped past your lips and then you looked back up, seeing all eyes were once again on you.

“Um, not a lot to tell really,” you began. “My world is completely different to any of this, so a lot of what I’d talk about, you may not even understand. But today I did go into the library and request to help re-bind the books with Hodel, and have asked if I can begin learning your language of Khazdul. It’s only fitting that I should know the language of my future kingdom.”

“Not afraid to get your hands dirty, Lass?” Dwalin asked, his mouth full over a piece of meat pie.

“I like to keep myself busy,” you said.

Thorin nudged your arm gently. “Eat, my love. You haven’t touched any food.”

You reached across the table and took some roast vegetables and meat and continued on speaking, taking note that everyone was still quiet, waiting for you to carry on. “I’ve always worked to pay my way, so I’m used to being busy with things. I also spoke with Neldra today, and from what I can gather, I do not think that workers are getting regular meals and breaks.”

“Are they not?” Thorin asked. “I shall raise it in council in the morning. Would you come and join me?”

“Of course,” you replied.

“Already beginning to make changes,” Dis said, her voice void of any emotion.

At Dis’ words, you looked down, feeling as though you were shrinking back behind the table. What exactly did she mean by such a comment? Was she being sarcastic or purely stating a fact? Again, you could not tell. Your heart was still racing and in your panic, you began to feel dizzy.

“Are you alright?” Thorin whispered to you, leaning across so his face was only a few inches from yours. “Did you rest this afternoon?”

Thorin could sense your anxiety as he studied your expressions and behaviour. The way you kept looking down and your shoulders would slouch, he knew that you were uncomfortable. Maybe such an open meeting with a larger group was not quite the way to help you meet everyone. And he knew that Dis could be quite intimidating at times, having a bold personality.

The King’s attention turned to his sister. “Did you not hear her, sister? She wishes to keep busy and her input into the kingdom can only be for the better.”

“But she does not wear a crown yet,” Dis replied, staring at her brother.

Those words hit you like a hammer and you felt the heat swell in your head and chest. Breath was tight and your body began to shake. Dis had made a good point, but on the other hand, Thorin had made it clear that your voice was already of value to Erebor. You coughed and then spoke, “With all due respect, I only wish to do good for the kingdom, and from past experiences I know that when people are at work they can sometimes feel they are being exploited if not given any credit for their skill. Surely it’s a good thing that it came to my attention from Neldra so that we can look into it.”

Thorin shifted again in his seat and then looked up at Dis. Fili, Kili and Dwalin were too busy eating their fill of food, whilst Balin remained quiet, growing somewhat apprehensive to what the rest of the conversation would revolve around. “I trust her judgements, Dis. That should be good enough for you.”

You looked away, never noticing Dis’ smirk.

For the rest of the meal, Thorin spoke with Dwalin and Balin, and as you expected, asked that they would join him on the council. Balin immediately agreed, giving Thorin a smile and raising his glass to his new position. Dwalin never said anything and continued eating. Meanwhile, Dis and Kili remained in conversation and you had begun talking with Fili who was sat on your immediate left.

“Our father died some years ago now, only when Kili was barely of age,” Fili began. “He went to war and never returned. Uncle Thorin became a father of sorts to us, and Mother almost broke down when Kili and I announced we wanted to go on a quest with Uncle. We’ve had a lot of our family die in war.”

You glanced at Dis and you could see a warmth in her eyes that only seemed to radiate when she was conversing with her sons. They and Thorin were the few she had left now around her, having lost her husband, other brother, father and grandfather, all to war. A stab of sadness hit you. In your home world and war had always been something so far away, something you rarely thought about unless you turned on the television and saw graphic images of terror, violence and death in other countries. Your country had been relatively peaceful, and no one you knew had enlisted in the forces. Now, in Middle-earth and it seemed that most people had had their experiences, whether hands on or knowing someone who had and then losing them.

At the end of the meal, Thorin stood up. “Dwalin, Balin, if you would join us both in council tomorrow morning,” he said, including you. “Bed chambers have all been prepared for you and they should be to your liking and satisfaction. Thank you for good company.”

Everyone around the table got to their feet and raised their glass. “To the King and future Queen,” Balin said.

The rest of the group chanted the words in response and then took the last mouthful before beginning to exit.

Before leaving that evening, Thorin approached Dis, who was waiting for him at the end of the table. “And you say she is not from Middle-earth?” Dis asked, raising her eyebrow at Thorin.

“No.”

Dis smiled. “I like her.”

***

You had exited the dining hall before everyone else, giving each person a smile. But inside, your nerves were summersaulting, twisting and causing an emotional commotion. Your breathing was erratic as you dashed down the hallways, trying to get to the safety and solitude of your bed chamber as quickly as possible. You could tell from the meeting that Dis hated you; she had questioned why you had been given so much authority, considering you were not yet the Queen.

Eyes watched you as you rushed past, and tongues wagged, asking why you were in such a hurry. But you ignored them all, focusing on getting to your room. And by the time you had gotten there, you could feel a thin sheet of sweat on your brow. You pushed the door open, it swinging back on its hinges, and nearly banging into the wall.

A pulsing was setting up a constant pace behind your eyes.

_Calm down. What_ _’_ _s the worst that can happen? Okay, Dis doesn_ _’_ _t like you, but who are you marrying? Dis or Thorin? I don_ _’_ _t think Thorin will allow the opinions of his sister to get in the way of our relationship. But the cold way she was asking those questions and how she kept looking at me._

You sat yourself down at Thorin’s writing desk, sighing in relief that you were finally back in your place of familiarity. For a couple of minutes, you closed your eyes and rubbed your temples, your fingers moving in a circular motion to try and ease the pain.

_You need to get a grip with this. You knew full well when first coming here what it was going to be like. You_ _’_ _ve always known what it_ _’_ _s going to be like, but you went along in the thrill of it all and never really stopped to think just how it would all impact on you. This needs to stop. What kind of Queen are you going to be always having panic attacks?_

Your eyes surveyed Thorin’s desk and you suddenly noticed a piece of silk which was to the right hand side, just behind a pot of black ink. You reached across, curious as to what was inside the silk. There was an outline of something inside it, but it was a peculiar shape, not quite a rectangle. As you picked it up, you could feel something cold inside the fabric with a sharp edge.

Then you realised what it was, only a second before pulling back the fabric. The shard of mirror that had kept your communication open with Thorin. It suddenly became heavy in your hand and you pulled back the fabric, trying not to focus on your reflection.

You were sure you heard something from inside the mirror, a voice, and you put the mirror up to your ear. Sure enough you could hear a woman’s voice from inside, a very familiar voice that you had heard many times in your life. It was your mother.

“Mom?” you whispered.

No reply.

Of course. When Thorin had heard you through the shard, you had been oblivious to the connection; it was only open from one side. Did this mean that she was in your bedroom, and your shredded poster was still in there somewhere?

She spoke again and this time you listened intently to her words. She said your name, and in her tone was so much regret and sadness. “I’m sorry. The words sound so weak, not proving anything at all to you. I’ve never been a mother to you. And I’ll never even know what happened to you…” Sobs.

The sound of your mother weeping for losing you made you shiver, and slowly, tears rolled down your cheeks. Those words were too late. You had needed to hear them much of your life and for her to realise the mistake years earlier. Instead she had half raised you, turning you into an adult who never felt worthy of love.

“I’ve always loved you, but I was never a mother to you, sweetheart. I always envied you, seeing how independent you became, and I was never like that. I relied on your dad too much over the years, and even down to loving you. He did everything that I couldn’t. I hate what that bastard did to you, and he deserved what happened to him.”

You choked over your tears and wrapped the mirror back up, stifling your mother’s voice. You couldn’t bear to listen to anymore. It had taken your disappearance for your mother to actually realise she felt love for you and she had always been selfish. Why was telling someone you love them so difficult to do? If you were to ever be blessed with yours and Thorin’s child, you would tell them every day you adored them, and nothing would ever stop you doing such.

Quickly, you pulled out a piece of blank parchment from the stack in front of you and took a quill. Your family had to know what happened to you, or at least be aware that you were still alive. They would never begin to understand the miracle that had brought you and Thorin together or the fact you were on the cusp of being a Queen, but they still had every right to know that you were alive, well and moving towards your peace.

_Mom and Dad,_

_I know that you_ _’_ _ve got plenty of questions as to where I am, what_ _’_ _s going on and how I managed to get this letter to you. But all you need to know is that I_ _’_ _m safe. If I could explain everything without you thinking me insane, then I would._

_I_ _’_ _m living with wonderful people who have welcomed me to their home and I_ _’_ _m with a man who treasures me for everything I am. He is the most amazing man I have ever met, and I know that he_ _’_ _s the one I_ _’_ _m meant to be with._

_I know we were never a close family, and I wish we had of been. I will always love you both and thank you for trying your best, even if it never worked out the way it should have been._

_Maybe one day we_ _’_ _ll meet again under better circumstances._

_All my love._

You signed your name at the bottom and watched as a tear fell into the parchment, smudging the ink of your signature. You sniffed away the tears and rolled up your parchment, tying it with a piece of ribbon which was on the desk.

Before you sent your letter, you picked a rose from the vase on your bedside table and pushed the stem between the parchment and ribbon, securing it. Then you watched in amazement as the letter and rose dissolved into the piece of mirror, as if being pushed under water. The mirror looked like liquid metal when touched.

***

Your mother sat on your bed, looking at the life of yours that she never knew existed. All the books, DVDs, ornaments, CDs. She had never taken much notice of you to know what your favourite type of music was or what your favourite book was.

When the police had originally been called and your flat searched for evidence or clues, it was noticed that your purse and mobile phone were still behind. However, your father noticed that your collection of journals that you had kept for many years, and the black dog toy you had had since a baby were both gone. Your grandmother’s wedding ring was also missing. The police knew from this pattern that you had disappeared of your own accord; you wanted to not be found and so had only taken things of sentimental value, leaving behind necessities like money and a phone. You didn’t want to be traced.

Your father walked into your room, holding a mug of hot tea and handed it to your mother. “It’s been two weeks now. Maybe we should start thinking of boxing her things up,” your father said, hanging his head. “She’s not coming back wherever she is. I still think she knows more about Ryan’s death…”

“Are you trying to say she did it?” your mother hissed, looking at her husband.

“No, I never said that. But the person who did is probably connected to her. We know he was abusing her, so maybe the person who killed Ryan did it for revenge.”

“It should have been me!” your mother shouted. “I’d have killed the bastard!”

Your father scoffed. “Why are you only starting to care now?” His words were cold and full of venom. “When she was taken into hospital after he beat her up, you couldn’t even have her with us. What’s suddenly changed in you to make you give a shit?”

“She’s still my fucking child!” your mother bellowed.

Neither of your parents noticed a roll of parchment and rose appear on the carpet next to the remaining shreds of your old Thorin poster. They continued arguing, their voices getting louder. Your mother was near to screaming now, until she spotted something in the corner of her eye.

“What’s that?” she asked, getting up and rushing to the rose and letter.

Your mother unrolled the parchment and began to read. Her hand shot to her mouth and a sob hit her throat. “Oh, God, it’s from her!” One thing about you she did recognise was your handwriting.

Your father picked the rose from your mother’s hands and he looked at it sceptically. Something strange came to his mind, and he immediately knew that your disappearance really was connected to Ryan’s death. The last time that the police had visited your flat, talking with your parents about any more leads which may have come available, it was revealed that Ryan had spoken just before his death. It was just thought to be gibberish as he lingered on the edge of a coma, but now it seemed to be making more sense in this whole fucked up situation.

_“_ _He brought her roses._ _”_


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, a huge thank you for all the support and encouragement with this story! 
> 
> This chapter has been re-written as I found it quite difficult to get my head around which course of action to take regarding the crossed words between Thorin and the reader in this chapter. I think I got more of a compromising end to it, feeling that this was the best route, rather than keeping the tension going for too long. 
> 
> Enjoy!

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

 

The next three weeks passed by without incident. However, the revelation that you had stumbled across from your mother you kept to yourself. It pained you to think that your mother had loved you all these years, and to the point that she had argued with your father regarding your disappearance, but had never bothered to show that affection when you were physically together. Her demeanour had always been brisk and avoidant in nature, rarely embracing you. In fact, there was only one time that you could remember her showing you true affection, and that was when you were around ten years of age. She had been drinking heavily and was on the brink of divorcing your father. One night she had sat on the end of your bed, crying into the glass of whiskey and Coke in her hand.

“You’re all I have,” she had told you, her words slurred by her alcohol consumption. By the age you were then, you were aware of her behaviour and simply lay beneath the covers, wanting her to leave you alone so you could sleep. “Give Mom a hug,” she asked, holding out her arms to you. And you can remember the guilt you felt then for wanting to go to sleep and see her gone out of your room. You sat up and moved over to her, apprehensive, but shocked. The hug was warm and tight, and that was the only time in all of your life that you had felt close to your mother.

One morning, after getting dressed, you stood in front of Thorin as he sat quietly, his quill scratching on parchment. “Are you alright, my love?” Then his blue gaze drifted up to you.

“Can I have a word with you, Thorin?” you asked.

“Of course,” he replied, and dropped his quill onto the desk.

You moved around the desk and stood beside Thorin as he remained seated. His hand reached out and took yours. “You seem upset,” he said again.

“I…um, came across the shard of mirror you kept. It was about three weeks ago when I found it. It was when I first met Dis. I came into the room and sat at your desk and noticed it. I…” you swallowed hard, hearing your mother’s voice in your head. You closed your eyes for a second, squeezing your eyelids together so a burst of colour flashed before you. “I heard my mother. She was talking as if I were in the room with her.”

Thorin’s hand tightened around yours. “Why did you not tell me sooner?”

“I don’t know,” you replied, embarrassed. “It was something I wanted to get clear in my own head before talking to anyone else about it. It’s only us that know. I haven’t even told Neldra. I wouldn’t tell anyone else something before you.” Neldra may have been your best friend in this world, but Thorin was the one you shared all of your deepest secrets with. You were connected to him on a level that no one else could ever match.

“Talk to me about it. What happened?” he asked. However, he still felt pained by the fact that you had not spoken to him about the incident as it had happened.

Tears began to fall down your cheeks and a lump rose in your throat. “She…she loved me all these years but never told me until that day. What kind of mother does that, Thorin? For all those years, she made me live with emptiness inside me like I was never good enough. How could you do that to your child? My dad wasn’t that much better really. He let her have her way to keep her quiet.”

“I am well aware how holding on to past hurts can affect your present,” Thorin said, getting to his feet and standing before you. “No one knows that more than I. But you cannot let her actions rob you of your future. She realised her mistake, my love, and tried to make amends as best she could.”

“I sent her a letter and told her that I’m safe, but I keep running her words through my head, over and over. I know she tried her best and so did my dad, but there’s still part of me that’s angry at her for that. The very basic foundation of your self worth comes from your family, and without it, everything else shatters around it. If your family can’t love you, then who else will? That’s the question you ask yourself every day.”

“The actions of one person are not the actions of all.”

“But a mother?”

Thorin’s eyes widened and you could sense frustration in him. He straightened his back and spoke again. “Would you treat our child in such a way?”

“Of course I wouldn’t,” you replied, shocked that he would ask such a question. “Why would you ask me that?”

“Then your mother has taught you at least one thing. Be grateful for that. She has helped you see the kind of mother you want to be. Regard it as one lesson learnt.”

“I want to go and talk to her. I want to go back home,” you admitted, internally bracing yourself for Thorin’s response.

“Why?” Thorin hissed. “You hold all this hurt and anger, but you wish to speak with her. I do not understand.”

“Not everything is back and white, Thorin. I may feel angered by her, but she’s still my mother and I want to at least speak to her one last time. I have every right to. Where is the stone that brought you through to me?”

Thorin turned away from you, and grit his teeth, not wanting you to see his reaction. Why were you insisting on going back to your home world? Were you not happy with him? All he had wanted was for you to make a clean break and give all to him back in Middle earth. Was he selfish for wanting such a thing? Of course you had every right to see your mother, but he could not stop the pain in his heart at your wishes.

“Thorin? Where is it?” you asked again, your voice sharp.

“Why did you not tell me sooner about this?” Thorin asked again, disregarding the first answer you had given him. “Why must you keep living in the past? Our future awaits us…”

Anger rose in your chest at Thorin’s selfish attitude. All he seemed to care about, in your mind, was filling the throne that was to be next to his. Your mental state, closing the door on your previous life and the odd nightmare that you still had about Ryan seemed to mean little to him. “All you care about is that throne and seeing me sat on it. My family, my peace of mind…none of it seems to mean anything to you. I thought we’d spoke about this before and you were prepared to help me?”

Thorin’s jaw clenched. “I saved you from that life!” Thorin shouted. “But still you keep opening the door on it and looking back…”

“I want to CLOSE the door on it once and for all!” you called back. “And talking to my mother face to face is the only way I can do that. You of all people should know about mental turmoil and trying to be strong, and I have to do this in order to be the person you want me to be.”

“You are already that person,” Thorin growled. “You are stronger than you realise; most people would not have endured half of what you did and come out the other side.”

You couldn’t help but scoff. “People say that to appear polite. Sometimes it’s nothing to do with strength, but knowing that you’ve got to carry on going whether you like it or not.”

Thorin turned away from you, sighing. He closed his eyes and wished there was some way he could make you see yourself through his eyes; to feel the love he felt for you, to see the strength in your eyes and heart, see your passion, and know that you were the only person he could ever envision marrying and ruling the kingdom with. Thorin remembered the times he watched you cry at night when Ryan had left your flat after tormenting you with his spiteful words. Your strength shone through, because you could have given up on life and on being the person you were destined to be, but you didn’t.

You stepped towards Thorin, his back still to you, and you placed your hand on his shoulder. “I need to do this. You have me, and that will _never_ change. Are you scared I’m going to go back and then somehow decide I want to stay? Is that it?”

Thorin looked up at you, his eyes saddened, on the edge of tears. “I still feel like you are half in your own world and half here. I still feel like I do not completely have you.”

The vulnerability in Thorin’s face and the grief in his eyes made you choke over a lump in your throat and you put your hand to his cheek. “Of course you have me. I’m yours, _always_. When I come back from seeing my mother I expect to finally sit on that throne,” you said, trying to add some hint of happiness into your words. “What do I need to do to make you see that? I’ve given up my former life, and this…” You held up Thorin’s ring that still remained on a chain around your neck, safe, and next to your heart. “I’ve done everything you’ve wanted. All I ask is that you grant me this one thing. I’ve asked so little of you. When I return you can destroy the stone and the mirror.”

“Then I ask that you do not go alone. I will accompany you,” Thorin proposed.

“You need to be here. Erebor needs you here. Dwalin or Fili can come with me. I’ll go through alone. Remember, an investigation is still ongoing into Ryan’s death. It’s better that just I go.”

“No, that is why I need to be beside you. What if you’re found?”

“All I do is speak the words over the stone and it brings me back. I can get back no problem.”

“I will come through with you. I cannot risk anything…”

“You’re not risking anything happening to me!” you shouted. “The stone works anywhere in my world. It only works at the archway here. Wherever I am back in my world, I can still get through. Trust me, please. You said to Dis that you trust my judgements on ruling the kingdom; trust my judgement on this. You need to let go of me a little.”

Thorin growled again under his breath and moved away. “Let go of you? My duty is to protect you, first and foremost. What if something happens and you cannot get back through, and we’re parted? I promised you that we will not be parted again.”

“Alright!” you shouted abruptly. “And while I’m with my mother, you stay in my old room.” Your orders made Thorin smirk and he couldn’t help but curl his arm around your waist and pull you tight against him. “We are in this together, my love, and I will follow you wherever you go.”

***

Later that morning, before final preparations began for the Durin’s Day celebration feast that evening, Thorin called Fili, Kili, Dwalin, Balin and Dis into the main council hall. You were sat beside Thorin at the head of the table and you smiled at everyone in turn as they sat down.

Dis, by now, had warmed to you. The two of you often shared lunches together and took walks, participating in lady gossip and idle chit chat. Your topic of conversation did not delve as deep as it did with Neldra, but you felt that your friendship with Dis was becoming stronger now. Her initial testing of you and her judgements were cast aside, and she had determined quite early into meeting you that you were worthy to be married to her brother.

“I have called you all here to know we will both be leaving Erebor for a short time, and ask that Fili act in my stead,” Thorin began, looking to his older nephew. “He will need guidance while we are gone, and I hope that you will all encourage and advise him accordingly.”

“What’s the reason you’re leaving?” Dis asked, diving straight to the point of the meeting.

Thorin looked towards you, giving you a weak smile and then turned his attention back to everyone else. “She wishes to return to her world temporarily in order to take care of personal business, and I shall not allow her to go alone.”

“One of us could go with her,” Dwalin said, piping up from the end of the table. “The kingdom needs you here, Thorin. We all do. I’m happy to go with her, and make sure she’s safe.”

“I have already said this,” you told the group. “I can go on my own if need be.”

“No!” Thorin barked. “You will go with me and that is final on this!”

Dwalin immediately took note of Thorin’s face and the anger in his voice and sank back into his seat. Meanwhile, you opened your mouth to speak and Thorin looked at you, his eyes wide. “Don’t,” he whispered. “Not again, and not here.”

“When will you leave?” Fili asked.

“The day after next,” you said. “We have planned to leave at day break and should be gone for no longer than ten days.”

***

Later that day and you went to the library, your second place of solace next to your bed chamber. You had been binding books now for two weeks, only completing two or three a day, but enjoying the process. Neldra sometimes came and sat with you, making sure a non-stop flow of tea was beside you. That afternoon and Fili had accompanied you, laughing about his brother’s obsession with Wood Elf maidens, one in particular.

“Will Tauriel be joining us tonight?” you asked Fili.

“To the distain of much of the council, yes,” he replied. “Thorin knows that she saved Kili’s life and is indebted to her for that.”

“Well, if so many people are against her because she’s an Elf, then why aren’t more people against me? I’m not a Dwarf.” As you asked the question, you placed your last book of the day back on the shelf carefully. “And I’m stepping into very big shoes that have always been filled by Dwarf women.”

“Elves and Dwarves have never really liked each other. I know when Thorin was young that King Thror had a truce with Thranduil of the Woodland Realm, but that all turned sour. Dwarves have no qualms with others of the world like Men and hobbits.”

Suddenly a voice broke you out of your conversation with Fili. “There you are!” Neldra gasped, her breath having become pants. “I’ve been searching for you. We must get you ready for tonight. Come with me.”

“I can see her back to her chamber, Neldra,” Fili replied, looking a little irritated by the sudden interruption.

You looked at both your friends and chuckled dryly. “I can see myself back, thank you very much.”

***

Neldra presented you with a selection of dresses, offering her recommendations as to which one she thought was the best choice for the evening. You looked upon each dress in turn, noticing Thorin still sat at his desk, his gaze lifting every now and again from his work.

“What do you think, Thorin?” you asked, calling over.

Thorin chuckled. “For me, you could be completely naked…”

“Thorin!” you shouted, shocked. “Not in front of Neldra!”

“You asked for my opinion, and I gave it,” Thorin replied, smirking at you.

“Filth!” you chuckled, faking your disgust. Your gazes met for a couple of seconds and locked. He knew you enjoyed him teasing you; in fact, whenever Thorin mentioned anything of a sexual nature, you felt your heart begin to pound. You could have gladly waltzed to his desk, offered his choice in your clothing (albeit, lack of) and given yourself to him.

Neldra turned away for a second so you spied your opportunity and approached Thorin, again, your gazes locked.

Thorin watched you coming towards him and eased himself back into his chair, opening his legs a little wider to accommodate you to stand between them. You never broke eye contact with him and stood between him and the desk. Then you leaned forwards, your hand reaching for his thigh.

“Neldra, can you excuse us for a few minutes?” Thorin requested. “And knock when you re-enter.”

Your servant and friend left the room, glancing quickly over her shoulder and knowing what was happening between you and Thorin. The two of you were still in the first stages of courtship, meaning that your passions and lust for one another was in a constant state of smouldering.

“Why do you always tease me at the most inopportune moments?” you asked, straddling your lover. You took his hand and guided it up beneath your dress. “You need to sort this out, Thorin. You’ve started something which needs to be finished.”

He pushed his fingers further into your underwear and then felt your warmth and moisture. You gasped against his neck as his fingers began delving inside you, rhythmic and so in tune with your needs. The pulsing at your pleasure point was becoming stronger and you groaned in his ear, your hips riding against his.

Suddenly, his own frustration building, Thorin got up, picking you up in the process and positioned you on his desk. “And I will finish it,” he replied, his voice deep with lust. Quickly, he pulled off your underwear and dragged his breeches down, allowing his erect member to spring free. You felt another wave of excitement rack through you at the sight of his erection.

You pulled Thorin to you, your arms winding around you and your legs locking at his waist. And you joined, both of you moaning in relief at the sensations.

Thorin held your hips steady and in place whilst you both pounded against one another, your gasps and groans music to one another’s ears. “My love,” he panted at your ear, nuzzling the skin and then kissing down your cheek and jaw.

“Always,” you replied.

Both of you came, stifling your cries so as no one heard.

Neldra stood outside your bed chamber door, knowing full well what was going on inside. And she sighed, allowing her mind to drift back to the intimacy she once shared with her husband, the love of her life and her One. A tear of remembrance rolled down her red cheek, which she brushed away. The times he would sweep her off her feet when he returned home and they would retire to their room for the night, making love way past midnight until the candles had burned low.

Then Mahal had blessed them with a son, red-haired like his father and kind hearted like his mother. But both of them had perished at the battle of Moria alongside Thorin many years previously, leaving her to mourn them every day. The pain never disappeared or healed, but Neldra had learned to live with it, turning the pain into compassion for others and an understanding of them when they experienced heartbreak.

_Mahal, I pray most earnestly that you will bless them with a child and strengthen their binding. Help her to understand how strong she is and give her the wisdom to be a worthy queen._

Neldra often prayed for you, wanting to see you truly happy and blessed in your courtship and marriage to Thorin. Not only was she dedicated in service to Thorin, but to you, and to your friendship.

Thorin called Neldra back into the room, and as she entered, she could see the flush on yours and Thorin’s cheeks, a sure sign of your intimate actions only minutes ago. “I’ll have this one, I think,” you told her, picking up a purple dress. “And the matching slippers.”

Neldra couldn’t help but chuckle as she approached you, her eyes locking with yours. In that instant, you knew that she was aware of what you had been up to with Thorin. Your friend winked at you and began to help you getting ready, taking you behind a wooden partition next to your wardrobe. As if you really needed any privacy from your future husband; he had been much more intimate with you than just looking upon your naked form.  

Whilst you got dressed, Thorin sat in his chair and listened to you giggling with Neldra. He looked down at his balled fist and then opened it, revealing the black and silver stone. Thorin closed his eyes and clutched the stone, closing his hand into a fist again.

_Mahal, I ask that this be the last time she crosses through, and once we return, we can be married. You have blessed me with her and I pray that I keep her until our last breaths._


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had a lot of very encouraging feedback for this story, and like always, thank you so much. In response to a couple of people who have mentioned it, this story has been challenging in some aspects and not so much in others. As someone who lives with anxiety and has a background in Psychology, the mental wellbeing of the reader is still quite an easy and interesting area to work on within this story. However, the physical abuse and lack of love from her parents are things that I, thankfully, haven't experienced myself. I hope that I have done those parts justice and written them in a convincing way. I've experienced emotional and mental turmoil from a partner, but never physical, so that has been my greatest challenge with this story!

 

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

The Durin’s Day celebrations soon got underway, and in true Dwarf fashion, the residents of Erebor made sure their festivities continued on until after midnight. There was much drinking, smoking, singing and participating in silly party tricks and anecdotes. Groups carried out rounds of drinking games, some including Truth or Dare.

You and Thorin remained at the head of one of the enormous tables that had been set out in the hall. You both watched on as the people of your kingdom enjoyed themselves; laughing, getting steadily drunk. Music was playing from a far off corner of the hall, but it echoed nicely around the stone pillars; harps, drums, flutes and deep, mellow singing voices filled the air.

Down the centre of the tables were trays of food, stacked with meats, vegetables, pies, desserts, pastries, almost every food imaginable. The smell of the delicacies mingled so well with the sweet music. Your senses were on fire.

Barrels of ale and wine were on hand, being rolled in and opened almost hourly.

The atmosphere was happy, charged with excitement from the groups of children, and relaxed. You couldn’t help but smile as you caught sight of the children, playing together or sitting on their mother’s laps. No doubt they would retire to bed earlier than a lot of the other people enjoying themselves. But those who had children on their laps caused you to feel a stab of envy stir in your heart, which you pushed away, turning your attention to Thorin. Both of you had remained quiet to one another, only speaking with others down the table when you had been eating.

The Dwarf King took your breath away. He may have been yours, to cherish and serve, but butterflies still fluttered in your stomach when he approached and that all too familiar wave of excitement spiralled down your body when his eyes met with yours, intent on being intimate with you. The bond that Thorin had spoke about, you being his One, was that also the case with you? Had your body connected with him on some spiritual and more meaningful level?

However, thoughts of your impending meeting with your mother began to filter through all the niceties of the evening. How would she react to you? Would she be as open and honest with you to your face? One thing was for certain: you needed closure. Moving on to your new life as Queen of Erebor meant that you needed to close the door on your old life and lock it tight behind you.

Neldra stepped up to you all of a sudden, jolting you from your thoughts. “Would you like me to bring in the King’s gift?” she asked.

“Oh, I completely forgot about that!” you replied in a loud whisper. True, you had forgotten all about the gift you had been planning with Neldra to give to Thorin on the Durin’s Day celebrations. Two weeks previously and you had both gone into a meeting with one of the main instrument makers, who was very well known across the seven Dwarf kingdoms. His ability to craft any musical instrument was infamous. You had given him your requirements and then placed your trust in his hands that he would follow through on his reputation. “Yes, please. Do you need any help?”

“Balin and I will fetch it,” Neldra replied.

Thorin began to watch, knowing that he was at the root of the conversation. “Is everything alright?” he asked.

“Yes, Neldra just reminded me of something that needed to be done. But she’s gone to do it,” you told the King.

Thorin leaned across towards you and placed a gentle kiss at your temple, and his hand curled around yours. You felt that delight begin to rise inside you. Since the first time he had ever touched you, when he placed his hand against your cheek in your bedroom on the night you first met face to face, you knew there was no other tactile sensation you would revel in as much as Thorin’s skin against yours. “I love you,” you whispered to him, looking into his eyes. Then you leaned across and placed your lips on the tip of his nose, kissing it, making him chuckle. This man made you forget everything else, and it was only when you were sleeping or without him that your thoughts would take you to negative places.

Public displays of affection had never been something you liked much, but with Thorin, nothing else around you mattered. You didn’t care if people were watching, analysing, questioning, judging.

Neldra and Balin soon returned to the hall, holding something large and wrapped in a huge silk cloth. They carried the object between them, walking sideways towards the King’s table. You immediately got up from your seat and helped them both place it on the table before Thorin. “This is for you, my love,” you told him. “I hope you like it.”

Thorin got to his feet, a smile of questioning and intrigue on his face. His hand reached forward and pulled the silk sheet away, revealing a bright, golden harp. It was easily four feet tall, and down the soundbox of the instrument were all the phases of the moon, which had been intricately carved into the wood and then covered in gold plating. The crown of the harp was designed in typical Dwarvish fashion and had runes, blessing the musician with good health and fortune, carved into it. The King’s eyes were wide in shock, but also love and joy, which brought forth tears. “You did not need to do this,” he said softly.

“I wanted to do it,” you replied and brushed your hand down the soundbox, feeling the moon shapes beneath your fingertips. “I’m the rose and you’re the moon because you always came to me at night.”

Not caring who was watching, Thorin swept you into his arms and kissed you. Your tongues met and you became breathless, feeling the rising want for more taking you over. But you refrained yourself from such activities in public and ended the kiss. Other Dwarves from further down the table were watching the spectacle before them, laughing and cheering for the King and future Queen. Their ruckus made you blush, and you looked down as you parted from Thorin, knowing all of their eyes were on you.

Thorin requested his harp be taken to your bedchamber, and you watched the instrument be carried out carefully by two guards, whom were both half on duty, but joining in the festivities with everyone else.

Further down the table from you and Kili looked upon Tauriel who was sat beside him. She was dressed in a bright green gown with a gold belt, and her red hair fell loose in tendrils, cascading down her back. Kili had been drinking now for the last three hours but whenever he looked at Tauriel, her beauty shone, sobering him in those moments. Other Dwarves had looked upon her in disgust when she entered the hall, but Thorin had glared at them, silently advising them to back off.

You watched Tauriel, knowing she was on guard and on edge. She had only arrived in Erebor two days past and this was the first time you had formally met her. “Excuse me a moment,” you told Thorin, brushing your hand down his arm.

Kili grinned as he saw you approaching and you sat opposite him and Tauriel. “I know we met earlier, but I wanted to come and talk to you,” you said, hoping that neither Tauriel or Kili would be offended by your appearance in the middle of their conversation. “Are you planning on staying a while?”

Tauriel smiled at you and instantly you felt inadequate to her beauty. She was tall, graceful and slender, and you weren’t. “We want to stay in Erebor a short while and then travel Middle earth together,” Kili piped up, and then glanced at his companion. Their eyes locked and in those seconds you recognised the love they shared; it was like that which you had with Thorin. Just a quick glance was enough to communicate a thousand words. “That sounds amazing,” you replied. “I’d love to visit different places.”

“You’d be more than welcome to accompany us,” Kili offered.

“You’re so sweet,” you replied, blushing. “I doubt Thorin would like it much. He doesn’t seem to want me to go places without him because he’s quite protective of me, and I understand why he is.” You looked down, feeling tension hit your chest and Ryan’s face flash before you.

Tauriel edged forward in her seat, sensing your discomfort. “Are you alright?” she asked. Her eyebrows knotted in concern for you and her hand reached over the table. You felt her hand rest on yours. “Do not talk any more on it.”

You could feel tears stinging your eyes and you swallowed hard. “I’m sorry,” you whispered. “It’s nothing and it’s silly.”

Suddenly Thorin appeared at your side, his blue eyes glaring at Tauriel and Kili. “What did you say to her?” he hissed. He must have been watching you all from further down the table.

“Thorin, it’s alright. It was me, not them. Please don’t blame them,” you begged and got up from your seat, moving out of the small group that was congregating. The shame of your anxiety was rising, causing your gut to wrench again. You kept going, despite Thorin’s protests. His footfalls were hard behind you, getting closer until you had both reached the corridor leading in to the hall. He caught your arm. “My love?” he asked. “Talk to me.”

Tears were flowing down your cheeks and you turned to look upon Thorin, falling into his arms. Your shoulders shook on him and he held you tight, kissing your head. “You are safe. I have you,” he cooed. “You can fight these thoughts of him. You are strong.” It was as if you were synchronised with Thorin; he knew what had caused your outburst. It was Ryan. The man still haunted you. Any mention of your past threw you back to him. “Come with me.”

Thorin took your hand in his and together you walked down the hallways. “You’re probably sick of me crying all the time and getting anxious. I’m sorry,” you apologised.

In the middle of the hallway, with a stairway but a few feet away, Thorin stopped abruptly. “You will not apologise for this,” he told you, his voice stern. “Never apologise for this.”

“You’ve endured war and I can’t even get through a couple of days without seeing Ryan’s face in front of me.”

“Your pain and fight was a betrayal against your heart, and that cuts deeper, leaving a scar which surpasses any battle wound. Emotional pain takes longer to heal, my love, so never feel that it is not worthy of rest and recuperation.”

You continued your walk back to the bed chamber, hand in hand. Your tears had now stopped flowing and the anxiety in your chest, stomach and head had subsided somewhat, leaving only a dull ache in your forehead and temples.

Back in your chamber and Thorin encouraged you to get in to bed. You sat down and he knelt before you, slipping your shoes from your feet. Your King and your husband to be, still with a crown upon his head, was before you, on his knee. “Don’t kneel in front of me, Thorin. You’re the King,” you told him.

He looked up at you, his hand curled around your ankle. “The only one a King bends his knee to is his Queen,” Thorin replied, his blue eyes so mesmerising in that moment.

You reached out and brushed your hand down his cheek, feeling your love for him become so overwhelming. “Come to bed with me,” you asked.

“I want to see you rest first,” Thorin said and moved away from you, sitting in front of the harp that had been delivered to the bed chamber. His hands brushed across the gold finish of the instrument, feeling the carving. “Thank you so much for the gift.”

You smiled across at him, sinking into the pillows and watched his fingers begin to pluck the strings gently. An ethereal sound, like the song of angels came from the instrument. It was high pitched but calming and you felt a smile form on your face. You sighed. Thorin played for a minute, the melody wrapping around you, until he began to sing. That deep, velvet voice was intoxicating yet so relaxing. Slowly you drifted, feeling as if you were flying like a feather on the wind.

The song told the tale of a miner who unearthed endless gems, their value so high that only the rich could afford them. But he became restless in his world, never feeling fulfilled by the fruits of his efforts. So he left his home, wandering the world.

“Can you sing me Far Over the Misty Mountains Cold?” you asked, smiling beneath tired eyelids.

“As you wish,” Thorin replied, stopping mid song.

For a second, he watched your eyelids drop shut and then his hands began to strum the strings again, beginning the song. The tune brought back memories of Smaug bursting through the front door of Erebor, intent on taking over King Thror’s threasure hoard. Thorin could feel the heat of flames and hear the booms, shouts and crashes.   

 

 _Far over the misty mountains cold_ __  
To dungeons deep and caverns old  
We must away ere break of day  
To seek the pale enchanted gold.  
  
The dwarves of yore made mighty spells,  
While hammers fell like ringing bells  
In places deep, where dark things sleep,  
In hollow halls beneath the fells.  
  
For ancient king and elvish lord  
There many a gleaming golden hoard  
They shaped and wrought, and light they caught  
To hide in gems on hilt of sword.

Thorin smiled to himself as he heard you hum the tune, you knowing the history and song so well. He became captivated in his memory, seeing the gold before his eyes, shining like the sun. His hands moved quicker across the strings and sadness swelled in his chest.

 _On silver necklaces they strung_ __  
The flowering stars, on crowns they hung  
The dragon-fire, in twisted wire  
They meshed the light of moon and sun.  
  
Far over the misty mountains cold  
To dungeons deep and caverns old  
We must away, ere break of day,  
To claim our long-forgotten gold.  
  
Goblets they carved there for themselves  
And harps of gold; where no man delves  
There lay they long, and many a song  
Was sung unheard by men or elves.

You kept humming, feeling as if you were swaying to the tune as it lulled you to sleep, falling deeper and deeper.

 _The pines were roaring on the height,_ __  
The winds were moaning in the night.  
The fire was red, it flaming spread;  
The trees like torches blazed with light.  
  
The bells were ringing in the dale  
And men they looked up with faces pale;  
The dragon _’s ire more fierce than fire_ __  
Laid low their towers and houses frail.  
  
The mountain smoked beneath the moon;  
The dwarves they heard the tramp of doom.  
They fled their hall to dying fall  
Beneath his feet, beneath the moon.  
  
Far over the misty mountains grim  
To dungeons deep and caverns dim  
We must away, ere break of day,  
To win our harps and gold from him!

Thorin felt his crown weigh on his head, a reminder of the victory he had won when re-taking the mountain back from Smaug, and all the naysayers, those who did not believe he could win such a war. He had won the mountain, his crown and the heart of the most beautiful woman in creation.

Thorin stood next to your bed and looked down upon your sleeping form. “Rest now, my love. Let Mahal bring you peace.”

***

You woke the next morning, feeling more refreshed and invigorated than you normally did. Your eyes didn’t ache, your body didn’t feel low on energy and you came out of your slumber to see Thorin lying on his side, facing you. He was still asleep, quiet and undisturbed. With a smile, you snuggled down into the covers closer to him, your eyes surveying his face. You studied the contours of his face, his slim lips, long nose, and dark eyelashes that fluttered beneath closed eyelids.

You reached out and laced your fingers in his long locks, following their gentle wave. They were softer than they looked. Thorin continued to sleep, oblivious to you. A few questions rose in your mind: how had everything between you been possible? How could this be the exact Thorin you had seen in films and read about? Were you _really_ living this or just dreaming? Somewhere, in a dark corner of your brain, you began to wonder if you were still in your world, but had recoiled so far into your own mind that all of this was just a fantasy, a coping strategy to help you survive the torment and manipulation of Ryan? But it felt too real, too intense to be anything but real. Your senses confirmed it; the warmth and soft sensations beneath the covers, the sound of Thorin’s gentle breathing, his smell, earthy and musky, the bland taste of wine you had drank the night previous which lingered in your mouth, and the sight of love before your eyes.

_Surely this is real. It can’t not be real. Have I fallen into a parallel dimension or something?_

These questions could have continued being asked and revolving in endless circles until time no longer existed.

A tap to your bedroom door broke you from your thoughts and made you jolt. Your heart began to beat a little quicker and you gasped. You pulled yourself out of bed, almost stumbling over your own feet and walked to the door swiftly, not wanting to wake Thorin. A quick peek over your shoulder confirmed that his sleep remained unbroken.

“Your breakfast,” Neldra said, her face cheerful. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“No, no. I had just woken up,” you replied, yawning. “Thorin’s still asleep though.”

Neldra brought the silver tray of fresh breakfast into your bed chamber, placing it down on your bedside table. Still, Thorin remained asleep. “Are you alright?” Neldra asked. “Kili and Tauriel were very concerned about you last night. They were worried they had offended you.”

“No, they didn’t. It’s just something that came to mind. I’ll be alright,” you said, your voice flat.

“Something has happened. I ask that you confide in me as your friend,” Neldra said again, standing before you as you sat down on the edge of the bed. “I’ve noticed changes in you again the last fortnight or so. And it was announced yesterday that you and the King are leaving the kingdom, although it is unknown as to why. I fear all of this has a connection.”

You sighed, clasping your hands shut in your lap. You looked away for a few seconds, drawing your thoughts together and then looked up into the caring and wise eyes of your best friends. “I’m going back home…only to speak with my mother. Thorin is adamant that he’s coming with me.”

“Do you think it is a good idea?” Neldra asked. “You have still not healed entirely from Ryan, and adding this to your plate. I ask that you consider it a little more.”

“My parents deserve to know what happened. I sent them a letter, but I need to talk to them face to face, especially my mom. There’s a lot that’s still unsaid between us, and I need to close the door on it before putting a crown on my head, Neldra. I can’t rule with Thorin and have all of this weighing on my shoulders every day. The door needs to be closed once and for all.”

Thorin began to wake, sitting up against his pillows. He yawned and looked at Neldra, sensing that you were both participating in quite a sensitive conversation. “Everything alright, ladies?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, Neldra was just bringing us breakfast,” you replied, turning away from your friend. “I’ll see you later, Neldra.”

The servant felt a stab of hurt, being brushed off by you. However, she understood that such conversations caused Thorin to become protective and defensive of you, and his sterner attitude would rise, silently advising Neldra to stop prodding at your emotional wounds. She left the room without another word, leaving you and the King to eat your breakfast together.

“May I ask what you were conversing about?” Thorin asked, the bedclothes pooling into his lap.

You picked up the tray of food and placed it between you both on the bed.

“I told her why we’re leaving and she wants me to think twice about it.” Your words were matter of fact as you concentrated on your breakfast, putting egg and bacon into your mouth.

Thorin sighed. “For once, my love, I agree with her.”


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

 

As Thorin thought, you didn’t go with Neldra’s advice and think again on returning to your world. Instead, you stayed the course. Rations of food were prepared for you and Thorin, and Neldra began sifting through your wardrobe searching for your warm clothing which would fight away the biting wind and snow that had begun to fall outside the mountain. It had first been suggested that you travel by a royal carriage, however, Thorin immediately dispelled this idea, stating that it would draw too much attention to you both. You needed to be as quiet and swift as possible, and not raise any suspicions.

“I need to take my clothes from my world,” you told Neldra. She was standing before you, a long, suede, fur lined coat lying across her outstretched arms. “It’s just if I return dressed in this, my parents will ask questions. So I’ll need to change my clothing before I meet with them.”

Suddenly a loud, quick tapping came at the door. “Enter!” Thorin shouted, who was sat at his writing desk, like most mornings just before council. The quill in his hand stopped scratching at the parchment and dropped to the table.

“My King,” a young, red-faced, panting Dwarf began. “We need you urgently. There has been an accident in the southern mines.”

Twenty minutes later, both you and Thorin arrived at the southern mine, only to find that one of the cranes had collapsed, taking out a huge piece of wall and a pillar, trapping two dozen or so of the workers. You could hear shouts from guards and workers as a rescue mission was put in place. The whole atmosphere was charged with fright and urgency, so you looked on feeling helpless in such a situation.

One guard stood a short distance away from you, conversing with Thorin about the situation. It made you feel like a spare part. You approached them both. “What can I do?” you asked. “Please let me do something.”

“My lady, the King must remain here,” the guard told you, his voice authoritarian. Something about his tone you didn’t quite like and furrowed your eyebrows. “If you still wish to go on your business then I can find escorts.” This was an emergency within the kingdom, and the guard had instantly referred to you and Thorin leaving. Something did not quite make sense here.

“Excuse me,” you replied, glaring at the guard. “Shouldn’t we be making that decision, not you? If I am to leave, I will choose my own escorts.” A tension was resting in your gut about this guard; his eyes kept surveying, their gaze coursing up and down you. Who was he to judge you in such a manner?

“Stop with the bickering,” Thorin snapped, raising his hand in emphasis, and then looked at you. “You will go nowhere without me. My focus for now must be here.”

Dwarves raced past you, carrying equipment to help rescue those that had become trapped. Chains, axes and smaller cranes were used to begin pulling the rubble and broken machinery away. Around you were the groans and calls of the dwarves’ efforts. Before you, only metres ahead and you could see a huge hole in the wall and the once towering crane, resting on its side. Rubble and debris filled the floor.

Only a short time later and you retired to your bed chamber at Thorin’s request, who knew that you could be of no more help in the mines. Thorin was on hand, advising and talking his kin through their work for the evening and night, as no doubt their work would continue all day and into the night, possibly lasting a few days. Fili, Kili, Dwalin and Balin had also been called upon by the King. You sat on your bed as Neldra spoke to you, her voice soft and reassuring. She had brought you a cup of herbal tea and supper, but the gurgling in your stomach and apprehension would not leave you. Something about everything which had occurred earlier was not right.

“Do not fear. Those men will be safe and sound soon enough, warm in their beds, I am sure,” Neldra told you, trying to fake optimism for your sake, despite herself fearing for them. “Come and eat your supper before it gets cold.”

“Something doesn’t feel right,” you whispered, pulling your nightdress and robe in around yourself tighter. “I can’t shake this feeling…” It was only mid afternoon by now, but you had decided to remain in your bed chamber, knowing that you were of no more use in the lower levels.

Neldra sat down beside you. “The King will know what to do and all will be well. Come and eat, please,” she asked. Those kind eyes focused on you and Neldra smiled, a sadness clinging to it. She picked up a plate from the tray on your bedside table and placed it on your lap, encouraging you to eat.

A knock came to the door.

“Yes?” you called, and put the plate of food aside.

The door opened and Dwalin walked in. “May I speak with you, Lass?” he asked.

“Of course, Dwalin. What’s the problem?” you asked, getting up from the bed. “Is everything alright?”

“Thorin has asked me to escort you on your business tomorrow,” Dwalin said. He crossed his arms and moved further into your bed chamber.

“Really? Thorin has formally requested this?” you asked sceptically. “Why has he suddenly changed his mind on the matter?”

“The council has voted that Thorin must stay here and that your business can still go ahead,” Dwalin told you. “I am just a messenger, Lass. I had no input on any of this.”

“But you and Balin are on the council!” Neldra snapped. “Surely that means you voted…”

“This is not a matter for you,” Dwalin growled.

Neldra stormed towards Dwalin. “Do not attempt to intimidate me! Something about this does not smell right and if I find you are at the centre of this, Dwalin, I will take you down. She is my future Queen and my friend, and I will not have her put in harm’s way.”

“Oh, pipe down,” Dwalin scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“Both of you, please, don’t argue,” you insisted. “But I do agree with Neldra, Dwalin. You are on the council, so you must have voted.”

“My brother and I, along with Hodel, were the only ones who voted in favour of keeping you here, Lass. We knew that Thorin would want you close to his side. But the rest of the council feels that you should leave whilst he takes care of business here. Thorin decided to not cause tension with the council and requested that I escort you. We were outvoted, twelve to three.”

“I shall go as well,” Neldra insisted. “I do not trust you!”

“Oh, Neldra,” you said, turning to your friend. You took her hand in yours and squeezed it. “Thank you so much. It would be a privilege to have you come with us. And I know Dwalin; you can trust him implicitly. I know Thorin does, and that should be good enough for us. Don’t let this force us all apart. I know tempers and frustrations are going to run high, but I trust you both.”

***

The rest of the day passed by slowly. Neldra remained in your bed chamber, finishing some of her sewing whilst you wrote in your journal, documenting the events of the last week. Dwalin had agreed to return before you retired to bed in order to plan out your course of action, and hopefully, Thorin would also be present.

By the time that Thorin re-appeared, he stormed into the room, slamming his crown down on his writing desk. The bang made you jump, your quill dropping out of your hand. “What’s the matter?” you asked.

Thorin paced the room and then looked at you, his face full of anger and frustration. “We have lost three workers, and the work to rescue the five who are still trapped is not coming on as quickly as we had hoped.”

You got up from the bed and approached Thorin; you placed your hand on his arm and then your other hand cupped his cheek. His sad eyes met with yours. “You are doing all you can,” you whispered.

“Am I truly?” Thorin asked, his voice hitching over a lump in his throat.

“You know as well as I do, no faults were reported with the equipment, so the crane collapsing is something that will have to be investigated. For the sake of those families who have lost loved ones, the reasons it came down will be looked into,” you told Thorin. He gave you a weak smile and placed a gentle kiss against your lips. “Dwalin will be here soon to talk about the plans of tomorrow; that’s if you’re still alright with me leaving. I won’t go if you need me.”

“The plans and preparations are now all set in motion, my love. The council have voted that I must remain here, and I trust Dwalin with my life. He will keep you safe.”

“Neldra is coming as well,” you told Thorin.

“Then I know you will be cared for. However, I wish to offer one more assurance of your safety,” Thorin said, turning away and disappearing to the weapons mounted on the wall behind his writing desk. “Take this. It has served me well.” You looked down at Orcrist lying flat on Thorin’s outstretched hands, still sheathed in its scabbard. But you recognised that curved hilt anywhere, along with the dragon tooth handle and diamonds shimmering beautifully in the pommel.

Dwalin came shortly afterward and sat down opposite Thorin at his writing desk. You and Neldra sat either side of Dwalin, all of you drinking wine from tall glasses. Thorin was still troubled by the day’s events and the lives of the three workers that now rested on his shoulders.

“You cannot blame yourself, Thorin,” Dwalin said simply. “This was an accident.”

“Can we be sure of that?” Neldra asked, sipping her wine. “None of the equipment has been faulty and there were no signs of weakness in the rock or the crane itself.”

Thorin was gazing past all of you, his mind drifting somewhere else.

You decided to intervene on Thorin’s behalf. “I suggest we just discuss what we’ve all gathered here for and then let Thorin rest.” The expressions on the King’s face were enough to tell you that he was placing guilt on his shoulders for the deaths and possible future casualties. “At daybreak, shall we meet for breakfast?”

“I am open for whatever you choose,” Dwalin said, his eyes wondering towards Thorin, who was still silent.

“All the food has been prepared and is currently stored in my working kitchen area. Ponies have been prepared for us and will be waiting at the gate,” Neldra explained.

“I don’t have to go,” you told Thorin. “I can stay here if you need me.”

Finally, Thorin broke from his thoughts, coming back to the room. “You need to go, and I cannot disrupt the council on what they wish.”

Dwalin scoffed. “Whenever have you cared for what others tell you to do? I have no problem escorting her and Neldra, but your word is final, Thorin, not the council.”

‘Take her for me,” Thorin replied, his voice sounding far away. “She needs to go, and I must be here. Whilst we are parted, you are both responsible for her.” Thorin looked at both Neldra and Dwalin, his eyes focusing. “I would not trust anyone else with her safety.”

“And neither would we,” Neldra said, offering a smile to Dwalin.

***

“Come to bed,” you asked, touching Thorin’s shoulder as he slouched back in his chair at the desk. Then you leaned down and took his hand, pulling him gently. “Come on.”

Thorin followed you, still silent.

You unclasped his tunic and draped it at the end of the bed. Then as he sat on the edge of the bed, you knelt down and removed his boots. “It’s alright,” you told him, rising back to your feet. “You were not responsible for any of this. Come and get in the covers.”

You watched as Thorin got in bed, the weight of everything making his shoulders push back. He looked defeated and drained. Had he ever looked like this during war? Why was it all causing such a stir within him? Had all the events he had endured come to a head, causing him to break in this moment?

Thorin remained sat up so you shifted behind him, curling your arms around his bare chest. You leaned forwards, your chin resting on his shoulder and you kissed his cheek. Then you felt his hand grip your arm, silently thanking you for your comfort and reassuring you that nothing would break your bond. “I’m here for you,” you whispered. “I’ll always be here for you. Just say the words and I won’t go tomorrow.” You kissed his cheek again, and this time Thorin turned his head and shoulders, taking your lips against his. Both of you kissed, allowing the frustrations of the day to drift away and sweep you up in the moment.

As your kiss ended, Thorin looked at you. “You never believed me when I said that you are stronger than you think. Can you not see it now? You are _my_ strength.”

“Let me stay with you. I won’t go tomorrow.”

“The council have decided on it,” Thorin replied. “They wish for you to continue on tomorrow. I am needed here.”

“And so am I. Dwalin’s right. No one tells you how to handle affairs and what you should do, so why are the council suddenly having such an impact on your decisions?” Something wasn’t quite right with this situation; had Thorin been cornered? Was there leverage that the council were using over Thorin? Your return home would only be a matter of days, two weeks at most. So why were they causing such a stir to see you gone? “I don’t trust this situation, Thorin. None of it sounds right to me. They’re trying to separate us on purpose for something.”

“What reason would the council have?” Thorin asked. “They have shown nothing but good intentions.”

“Do you know each of the members personally? Apart from Dwalin and Balin, and me knowing Hodel, how well do you know any of the others? How were they appointed to be on the council?”

“They were all council members from the Iron Hills and Blue Mountains, and so have already proven themselves as good advisors. I cannot fault them for the work they have helped be carried out since the mountain was re-taken.”

“I know I sound suspicious, Thorin, but the way your attitude has changed and the sway they’re having over you doesn’t sit right with me. I know you, and you trust those closest to you before any advice from others. Those men may have a decent track record with advising Lords and Kings, but they are not your friends. I have a feeling that something is bubbling beneath the surface.”

“And what cause would they have…?”

You sighed. “ME!” you called out. “I saw the way that guard spoke to me earlier today. I’m not one of your people, Thorin. You have to remember that. Bringing me here, and also Tauriel, has been a huge risk. Everyone has been nice to my face, but I don’t believe now, after seeing that guard, that all of them are quite as honest and forthcoming as they try and appear.”

In frustration, you jumped out of bed and turned your back on Thorin. You raised your hand to your face and began to chew on your thumb nail with nervous tension. “There will always be opposition,” you said in sadness. “Even if we have a child, they won’t be full Dwarf. How will that be taken?”

Thorin walked behind you and placed his hands on your shoulders, feeling a shiver radiate through you. “Then we fight,” he told you, his voice low. “We will take down any opposition. I am the King and have chosen my Queen, and my people will have to abide by that.”

“Then stand up to the council, Thorin. Show them that you have the last word.”

“No, _we_ have the last word.”

***

The next morning and you met with Neldra and Dwalin as agreed, however, you asked them to accompany you back to your bed chamber. “Remain quiet as we go back,” you whispered. “We must talk.”

Little did you know, a pair of prying eyes were already watching you all intently, surveying your body language. They couldn’t hear your words, but because you were on your way back to the upper levels, they knew that you were growing suspicious. The figure dashed back through the stone hallways, trying to remain quiet and inconspicuous. They would have to report back to the others, explaining that they would all have to think of another solution for their plan to be put into action. It seemed now that you had an iron resolve to stay beside Thorin and support him. Seeing Thorin and you separated was the perfect situation to put the whole plan into practice, however, it would now have to be re-considered. Could it still somehow go ahead with you beside Thorin? Drastic measures would have to be taken.

The figure ran up a flight of steps towards a meeting room and disappeared inside. “Well?” a harsh voice came. “Has she gone?”

“No,” came a reply over pants of breath.

“She is going to be harder work than anticipated.”

“I am sure suspicions have been roused. She still met with her serving maid and Dwalin, but took them back to her quarters with hushed tones. I did not hear any of their conversation.”

“She has to be separated from the King somehow. We _must_ try again.”

“Lives were lost last night!” the first person exclaimed, the one who had seen you in the corridors with Neldra and Dwalin. “Surely none of this is worth sacrificing innocent lives for.”

“Of course it is!” the second person growled. “The King has grown too soft to outsiders and I will not wait to see a half breed bastard sitting on the throne. I will not! And bow to her? It makes me sick just the thought of it. I’ve already been forced to smile at her too many times and watch her slowly take over our kingdom whilst the King allows it.”

“I am not pursuing this any further. I see reasons for your cause, but the way this is being carried out and the lives you are prepared to take, I cannot go any further. My conscience will not allow it.”

“You are a traitor to our people. Weak, pathetic.”

“If that is what you think of me, then so be it. I will not live with blood on my hands.”

***

Back in your bed chamber, Dwalin paced the room, back and forth. Neldra sat beside you and Thorin rested back in his chair, his hand resting against his forehead. He was stricken with anger, feelings of betrayal and also fear. How far would this go? Your words made sense; the council had been extremely persuasive, forcing Thorin to decide on you both being separated for a short while.

“I fear they are trying to part us, Thorin, in order to send me away or, worse, harm me,” you said, sighing. “That guard last night. His tone of voice and the malice in his eyes; I could see his hatred for me.”

“If this is true, we need to create a way to seek them out. Bring them to us. Traitors are scum, Thorin,” Dwalin said.

“Treason is a crime which my grandfather never took lightly,” Thorin replied. “Although he only ever saw it once. But he ordered exile from the Dwarf kingdoms, never to return. We will flush them out.”

“I have a feeling it’s the majority of the council members. Those twelve who voted for her to leave,” Neldra began. “They must all be in on some kind of plan. Why would that be such a huge concern for them? The main concern is the lives of those trapped in the mines, not whether the future Queen departs for business or not. It would not be a priority to the council. It is the King’s presence they would fight for, first and foremost.”

“Or maybe the incident last night was far from an accident! Can I make a suggestion?” you asked.

The others looked at you, their expressions telling you to put forth your proposal.  

“I say we continue on with what we have planned; I leave with Dwalin and Neldra, but we have back up from somewhere. If they really want to strike at me, then they’ll do it when they see me at my most vulnerable and that’s when I’m away from Thorin. I suggest we move out, but send others half a day behind, cloaked as a merchant party perhaps, or a group going for exchange deals in Dale.”

“How many traitors we have in the kingdom, I do not know,” Thorin said. “You going anywhere is a risk which I shall not take.”

“Thorin,” you began. “A target was drawn on my back as soon as I entered this mountain.”


	17. Chapter 17

 

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

 

“You are not going and that is final!” Thorin boomed. For the remainder of the morning since Dwalin and Neldra had left your bedchamber, you had been arguing with Thorin, trying to make him see the advantages of your proposal. Leaving Erebor, as you had already planned, would mean those who were planning on committing treason would come forth to strike at you. “I am going down to the southern mine, and I do not want this mentioned again. We will find those traitors and they will be punished for their plans, but you are not to leave my side. Do you understand?”

“You aren’t seeing sense. You’re blinded by your love for me,” you shouted back at him. “This is the only way that we can be sure we will find out who is behind this.”

Thorin approached you quickly, his teeth bared. “And do you not think that this group has infiltrated far enough? My own _council of advisors_? If you were to leave right now, they would not _all_ abandon their work here just to follow you. That would be too suspicious. They have others working alongside them. You even suspect the guard had something to do with this also. It’s not just the council.”

You looked down at the floor, knowing that Thorin was right. Even if you left and went about your journey as planned, not all of the traitors would make themselves known. Only a few of them would track you; the rest would remain behind as not to attract any suspicions. The whole council would not get their hands dirty for the sake of their own ends.

You felt Thorin’s arm curl around your waist. “Your strength has multiplied and grown to heights that not even I could have foreseen.”

“I feel like the only thing I have in my life to fight for is you,” you said, resting against Thorin’s chest. “And that’s something I’d never stop fighting for. I just hope you never stop fighting for me.”

Thorin raised an eyebrow and smirked. “I think you know me enough by now, my love.”

Thorin moved away from you and walked back to his desk, opening a draw. “I intended to wait a little longer, but I feel today is perfect. This is a joining of both our customs.”

Your heart began to race and in that moment you knew what was about to happen. Your lips grew dry and you gasped, the breath becoming painful with both your nerves and excitement. A small, wooden box appeared out of his desk, which Thorin grasped and held, walking back towards you. However, you noticed two small silver beads in Thorin’s hand also, alongside the box.

“The first thing will be for your custom, and then I ask that you indulge me and follow me in honouring the Dwarf custom,” Thorin said again. “I may have only spent a short time in your world, but I learned much about it, especially your courting rituals.”

You sat down on the bed, feeling your legs become numb. The weight of your body would not stand much longer. “Of course,” you managed to say.

Thorin fell to his knee before you. And that was when you felt yourself begin to cry. Your King, humbled by his love for you. The box in his hand opened, showing a bright, diamond ring. It was set in gold and the shoulders supported three stones, two diamonds and an amethyst sitting in the centre. Thorin knew you loved not only purple but the amethyst stone. You could see Thorin’s hand shake as he took the small ring out of it’s cushion and then slip it onto your left hand. “Will you be my wife and my Queen?”

“My answer has always been yes,” you said between tears. You shifted forwards and curled your hand around Thorin’s cheek, your fingers lacing in his long hair. “I live to love and serve you, my King, as wife, Queen and resident of Erebor.”

You kissed, drawing each other into your arms, sealing the promise in one final act.

“May I now braid your hair?” Thorin asked, getting up from his knee to sit beside you. “And you mine.”

***

When Thorin left you that morning to head down to the southern mine, you kept running your new braid through your fingers, feeling the three separate weaves of hair, and then your fingertips felt the cool metal bead at the bottom. Your eyes would catch the beautiful rainbow shimmer of the diamonds resting on your left hand. The amethyst was violet and lilac, both shades mingled. The resolution to fight your oppositions within Erebor had been sealed.

Thorin had asked you to promise him that you would not exit your bed chamber without Neldra or Dwalin at your side. The very real chance of some kind of altercation or attack within the kingdom was a possibility, although those responsible would pay. In your heart you knew that if anyone harmed you, Thorin would make sure they paid with their life.

Neldra came to your room a short while afterwards, offering you a weak smile as she entered. The tensions were even taking their toll on Neldra. And despite your now engagement to Thorin, which should have been an exciting exclamation` of your love, you remained silent about it.

“I want to go down to the mines to be with Thorin,” you told Neldra. “My place is beside him.”

Your friend’s eyes caught sight of your braid and her face erupted into a huge smile. Then she glanced downwards, catching sight of the ring on your hand. “The King holds many things close to his chest, but this was one thing he told Dwalin and myself about. I suspect his sister knew also. You are now officially betrothed.”

“I never imagined it’d feel like this. Back in my home world, girls are always told that getting married and finding true love are the things you’re aiming for, and then to be a mother. When Thorin opened the box, I didn’t feel shocked, I just felt love and relief. I was numb with excitement and relief that this is real. All of it has been real. Now I sit here and realise how much I’ve brought on him.” You choked on tears and bowed your head. “I’ve caused unrest and now he’s got to put it right. I should bring him happiness and peace, not this.”

“You _have_ brought him happiness and peace.”

***

Thorin remained down in the mines for most of the morning, overseeing the clean up. Thankfully, the remainder of the missing men had been found, alive, and their injuries were being seen to in the healing chambers two floors above. He watched on as dozens of men began hauling huge pieces of rock, chain and machinery into carts which would be moved away by ponies. Then he began assisting the men, helping them to pick up pieces, not able to stand by any longer and not physically help.

“Do you need help, my love?” you asked, stepping up behind him.

Your fiancée turned on his heel, shocked by your appearance, but his expression grew into a loving smile. “Why have you come down here?” he asked, still smiling. “This is no place for you.”

“My place is with you,” you said, curling your arm around his. “Do you need any help?”

“We are quite alright at the moment, but just seeing you always lifts my spirits,” he replied, chuckling. “I shouldn’t be too much longer here and we can spend the rest of the day together.”

You placed a quick but heartfelt kiss against Thorin’s lips and then reluctantly let go of his arm. However, you felt eyes burning into the side of your head. The stare felt like it was penetrating deep within you and your chest began to tighten. As you turned, you saw not only the guard whom had tried to intimidate you, but two members of the council. They were watching you, their eyes surveying you with suspicion and malice.

“Everything alright, gentlemen?” you asked sarcastically, feeling the irritation begin to rise within you. The anxiety was resting in your chest and gut, but so was your fight. You would not let these men break you away from your fiancée, if that indeed was their intention.

“Fine, thank you,” one of the council members said curtly.

The council had always been open and approachable with you, bowing their heads and smiling when you entered the meetings. Their façade was obviously beginning to slip, and all because Thorin had not carried out that which they had voted on.

Thorin smirked and then wound his arm around your waist. “I shall be leaving soon so we can spend the rest of the day in each other’s company,” Thorin told the men. “Since she officially accepted my marriage proposal this morning.”

The council members glared at both you and Thorin, and then fake smiles crept onto their faces. You could sense the tensions, noticing the sudden straightening of their backs. “Congratulations,” the one man said, his brown eyes still swimming with hatred towards you. The smile he wore did not reach his eyes whatsoever.

The guard looked down, noticing the ring on your hand. The last man looked at your braid. You knew they were holding back their revolt behind a dam of well wishing and acceptance. You looked at each man in turn, curling your lips into a very weak smile. They had to know that you suspected something.

“Are you not leaving Erebor on business?” the guard asked, his voice gruff. There was a slight noticeable trace of disgust running through it.

“Why is me leaving Erebor of such importance to you?” you hissed, unable to hold back your anger any longer. “Shouldn’t you be more concerned about the families those men have left behind who died here? The widows and…”

“Calm down,” Thorin cooed, drawing you in closer, his hand rubbing down your arm.

You knew that Thorin was trying to hold on to the façade that you knew nothing of any sinister plots, but you could not stand by and live with these men, knowing they were revolted by your very presence and wanted nothing more than to drag you away from the man you idolised. “I won’t calm down,” you growled. Your eyes were wide and you stared at each of the men in turn, your teeth bared. “I know you want me gone, but I’m not taking _one step_ out of this mountain.”

“We never said we want you gone!” one man exclaimed.

“You’re damn liars and hypocrites!” you shouted.

“My love,” Thorin warned. “Go back to our bed chamber, and I shall return presently.”

You gave the men one last look of utter disgust and exited the mine, beginning your ascension back up into the upper most levels. Tears were welling in your eyes and you felt your breath tightening. They would not win. They would not.

“In here,” Thorin growled, pulling you aside and into an empty room. You had never noticed his loud, thundering footfalls behind you. “What was all that?!” His voice echoed around the room and made the tears of anger fall down your cheeks. “We cannot let them know…!”

“I don’t care anymore!” you shouted. You rushed to Thorin and grabbed his hands. “I’ve been weak, Thorin, I know that. I’ve been indecisive, ready to throw away what we have because of my own stupidity. But this has made me see that I won’t stop fighting for you. After everything you’ve done for me; I want to show my loyalty to you in return. I’m just so sorry that I’ve brought all of this upon you.”

Thorin’s eyes glazed with unshed tears as he listened to your words and then watched you hang your head in shame at your last sentence. “Never apologise for this. None of it. It should be me that is apologising for bringing you into such a predicament. _You_ are a true Dwarf, not those men who stand in front of me declaring their lifelong service to me, only to plot behind our backs.”

You looked up at Thorin and smiled through the tears.

“You belong on that throne,” he whispered. “You really were born to rule this kingdom, my love. Oh, it will be such an honour to share in it all with you.” Thorin kissed you, his tongue immediately searching for yours. You groaned beneath the kiss and felt your whole body melt as if you were truly becoming one with him.  

***

A knock came to your bed chamber door.

“Ignore it. Keep going,” Thorin moaned, breathless, as you were straddling him, making love.

You kept the pace going, your orgasms only seconds away. Your hips continued thrusting against his, until suddenly your orgasm burst and you groaned loudly, not caring if the person the other side of the door heard. As your body shuddered and the rolls of pleasure raced through you, you fell forwards, reaching out your hands either side of Thorin’s head to stop you going any further.

Thorin continued moving against you, and then he spilled, satisfied that you had had your fill and he could fall over the edge. His hips bucked upwards sharply and his hands gripped you. You smiled as you watched his eyes close and his expression mirrored the pleasure that was raging through him.

Just as you were about to jump out of bed to answer the second round of knocking, Thorin pulled you back towards him. “The door can wait,” he whispered and drew you into a heated kiss. His hand brushed up your face and his other arm curled around your body.

You pulled away playfully. “You’re purposefully making that person wait now and being cruel,” you told Thorin.

Neldra was standing the other side of the door as you opened it. You pulled your robe in tight around yourself and let your friend into the chamber. “Is everything alright?” you asked.

As you turned and looked over your shoulder, Thorin was rising slowly from the bed, in no rush, still completely naked.

“You have no shame!” you shouted to your fiancée, laughing at him.

The expression on Neldra’s face told you that something serious had occurred. Her face was white and her eyes wide.

“What’s the matter?” you asked. “Neldra?”

By now and Thorin had pulled on his fur lined robe and had walked over to both you and Neldra, his face stern. “Speak!” he growled.

“The council have somehow gained more followers from the other Dwarf kingdoms and are calling for you to not go ahead your intended marriage,” Neldra said. “The ravens have been sending constant messages back and forth. The council must have known about your engagement before today.”

“We have always intended to wed!” Thorin barked. “Today was only our official declaration of that, but it was always our intention.”

“Someone knew about my engagement ring,” you said. You closed your eyes and sat down on the edge of the bed, your hands resting in your lap. “That was the thing that made all of this official in their eyes.”

“And all the councils of the Dwarf kingdoms have been informed of your behaviour earlier today,” Neldra said. “Hodel has relayed all of this information back to me and he is ready to resign due to all of this.”

“No, I will not accept his resignation,” Thorin said. “We need him to support us.”

Suddenly another knock came to the door, paired with Dwalin’s shouts to be let into the room.

“There’s no stopping them,” Dwalin exclaimed, breathless as he raced into the room. “All of the kingdoms are calling for you…”

“I know what they’re calling for!” Thorin shouted. “And I will tell them all one by one that nothing will stop me marrying her…nothing!”


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

 

Thorin was fuming, pacing the bed chamber as you tried your damned hardest not to give in to the inconsolable sobs that you knew were seconds away. Neldra sat beside you, her arm tight around your shoulders. “We’ll find a way through this,” she told you. But the weight of all the worry spinning around your head, like a hurricane, was pushing many of your other senses away to a place of being dormant.

“You need to call a meeting of all the Dwarf kingdoms,” Dwalin advised. “You know that they’ve been conspiring something, and this must all come out.”

Thorin growled under his breath.

Dwalin continued speaking. “Maybe compromise and agree for her to have the title of Consort.”

“That is out of the question!” Thorin barked, glaring at his friend and confidant. “She will be _Queen._ ”

“What about heirs, Thorin?” you asked, finally breaking from your troubled thoughts to give input. “As Queen it’s expected that I give you an heir. They won’t accept a half-Dwarf on the throne, and you know it.”

“If it came to it, then Fili is my direct heir,” Thorin countered. “The matter of who succeeds to the throne after me is not in question. Your title is.”

You got up from the bed and stood before Thorin. His face softened and he swallowed hard as you stood face to face. “My priority is spending my life with you and us being married. Let the title go, Thorin,” you said. “As long as I can be your wife, that is all I care about.”

“As my wife that title is owed to you, and I will fight for it,” Thorin replied. He stood up straight, his shoulders and back showing his pride. His gaze never left yours.

“Then a meeting needs to be called,” Dwalin said again. “Stand up to them and see how many of the cowards come forward.”

***

Thorin called a private dinner that evening, making sure that no guards were present outside the doors of his main dining area. Just how far the traitors had infiltrated, none of you knew.

Around the table sat all of Thorin’s Company who had travelled across Middle-earth with him to re-claim the kingdom of Erebor, all twelve of them. The remainder of the group, behind Dwalin, Balin and Thorin’s nephews, had only arrived three nights earlier. Alongside the Company were you, Neldra, Dis, Tauriel and Hodel.

You remained silent, listening to Thorin explain what was occurring and that he needed the backing of as many people as he could. Then he mentioned that the funerals of those who had died in the southern mine would be at the end of the week. “I know that I can trust each and every one of you here,” Thorin said, looking at all of those who were sat around the large table. His hand tightened around yours beneath the table in quiet reassurance.

Dis, who was sat to your left, looked at you with concern. She could see the sadness and distance in your features and noticed that your gaze seemed to rarely stay with anyone at the table. “Are you alright?” she asked, her brows furrowing. “Silly question, I know. But we’re all here for you.”

You looked up at Dis, tears swimming in your eyes. “I’m sorry,” you said, softly. With a shaking hand, you dried the falling tears from your face and looked into your lap, ashamed and embarrassed. “It’s just one thing after another,” you growled to yourself, anger filtering through your grief.

“You’re safe with each and every one of us here,” Dis told you firmly. “No one can harm you.”

Thorin scoffed, raising his tankard of ale to his mouth. “They even try and they will face death!”

Neldra then called your name from a little further down the table. You looked across to her. “If anyone attempted to harm you, there would be a fighting queue of all of us here trying to punish those who dared to raise a hand to you.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, feeling a little of the weight lift at the pairs of concerned, loyal and dedicated eyes watching you.

“The council have also called to exile me from the kingdom,” Tauriel said. “So you are in good company.”

“I propose,” Thorin began, “that the future Queen and Tauriel remain under guard until this storm had passed. We do not know the lengths any of these men will go to.”

You watched in quiet amusement as a few of the Company kept on eating, their faces full with their favourite foods. None of them put on any airs and graces before their King because he accepted them fully, and they knew that.   

“With all respect,” Tauriel began, smiling weakly. “I do not need a chaperone. I was the Captain of the Guard of Mirkwood, so I am hardly one to be followed around, intent to being protected. However, maybe if I and the future Queen remain together. Safety in numbers.”

You sighed, appreciating all the kind words and suggestions, but feeling as if you were a burden on the kingdom in every way. “I’m being such a burden on you all,” you said, hanging your head again. “All of this is through me. Those men in the mines died because of me; I know that the council organised that plot to get me away…”

“Stop!” Thorin demanded. He turned in his seat beside you, his upper body facing you. “A burden is something you will _never_ be, my love. I would command a whole army of ten thousand strong to protect you if I had such man power.”

“You are the most important thing in Thorin’s life,” Dis said. “And if there is one thing I know about my brother, he has the most loyal heart of anyone I know.”

Beneath the table and you took the King’s hand, gripping it tight. Then you felt him squeeze in response.    

Once Thorin had torn his gaze from you, he began to speak again. By now his food was growing cold from the constant conversations across the table. “I am willing to agree to Tauriel’s proposal. And for this, I request that you move bed chamber to be close to us. I’m intending to call a council meeting in the morning, and I will tell them of my intentions. We will be wed, whether they agree or not. And she will be called Queen, and officially crowned the day of our marriage. I will fight for her right and honour to wear her crown and be seated beside me. Dwarf or not, her heart is pure and loyal, and she is true to me, more than I can say for those deceiving backstabbers who deserve to be exiled and flogged as traitors.”

“We need the backing of the people,” Dis suggested. “Most of the residents of this kingdom will be happy to respect any Queen, and are not interested in the petty politics of the council who want nothing more than to spoil a beautiful union of two souls who are very much in love.”

“The council are there to serve the King and Queen, who are ultimately there to serve the people,” you said, looking out to all the people sat before you. “I may not have been born into royalty, but I come from a place where leaders are elected by their people and put in power to serve and stand by the decisions and general good of those people. It’s ultimately the people who have the power.”

“This is a decision that needs to be made by the people of Erebor, not the other kingdoms,” Dwalin said. “After all, she will be _Erebor’s_ Queen.”

“I will raise this in council tomorrow,” Thorin said. “All of you are welcome to stand with us.”

“Including me?” Tauriel asked.

“Of course. You live within this kingdom and have as much right to voice your opinion,” Thorin replied.

***

After dinner, and the men of the group remained behind, drinking. By now and their tensions had been eased by the alcohol in their system. Thorin was laughing and smoking with Dwalin and Balin, a complete contrast to his previous demeanour. You approached Thorin before leaving for the evening and kissed him farewell. You intended for your kiss to be quick, but his hand curled around your arm, pulling you in closer to deepen your kiss.

The Dwarves from Thorin’s Company began to chuckle at the scene before them, raising their tankards and cheering.

You drew away from your kiss, watching Thorin open his eyes slowly and look up at you. All the love he felt for you seemed to have poured into his silver blue depths. “Know you are loved,” he whispered to you. “And always will be. Go and be at peace before tomorrow’s council.”

The walk back to the bed chamber was swift; you, Tauriel, Dis and Neldra moving quickly as to not draw attention to yourselves. All of you remained quiet, not wanting to converse in the hallways and have your words overheard by those plotting against you. A short way into your journey back and Dis curled her arm around yours, drawing you in a little closer to herself. To think that this female Dwarf had initially intimidated and scared you, making you think you were hated and judged. Now she was ready to protect you and stand beside you, to fight for your right to be Thorin’s wife and Queen of Erebor.

The four of you finally made it to your bed chamber, and you unlatched the door, walking into the dimly lit room. You welcomed them all in, asking that they stay for a while.

“I shall go and prepare some drinks,” Neldra said, about to exit the room again. “Would you like wine or hot drinks?”

“Come and sit with us for a while. Don’t worry about drinks,” you told her.

Before sitting down at the table which was to the left hand side of the room, just in front of your dressing area, you picked up the black dog toy from your beside table. It was one of the few sentimental items that you had brought with you from your world. It had been in your possession since you were a baby, and you had never slept without it beside you. You picked it up and held it to your nose, smelling the faint scent of age and wear. Its fur was now flattened and one of the button eyes was hanging by a thread. In that moment you promised your firstborn child that this would be theirs upon their welcoming to the world, that was if you ever conceived any children with Thorin. Would you ever conceive children with a man of another race? Was his body compatible with yours? It certainly felt compatible and in a way that you had never felt before with any other man, even though you had only ever slept with two men before Thorin. When you had lost your virginity, it had hurt, and then sex had been painful the majority of times afterwards, including with Ryan. However, with Thorin, it was pure pleasure. You hadn’t even climaxed during the act of sex itself until you made love to Thorin. How could your bodies not be compatible to have a child? Everything that Thorin made you feel during times of intimacy felt so right.

You rested the dog toy on your lap, sitting down next to Neldra. “How can something that feels so right be wrong?” you asked.

Tauriel leaned towards you in her chair. “Because it isn’t wrong. It’s others that see it as wrong. If your hearts feel it’s right, then it’s right.”

“I’ve never come close to feeling for anyone else what I do for Thorin,” you said. “And I sit here, being told by people that it’s wrong because I’m not a Dwarf like him.”

“When you fall in love, your heart does not look at the physical appearance. It sees through to their soul,” Tauriel said again. “It’s two souls connecting so deeply that even your mind cannot see the logic. I will not let anyone take me away from Kili.”

“Not even me,” Dis laughed. “And believe me, I was far from happy when I was given the news that my son was in love with an Elf maiden. But that was down to my judgements which had been put in me from a child; Elves are not to be trusted is what my father would say, and even Thorin felt that way for many years. But we came to our senses when we actually saw the true nature and hearts of Elves. We judged the actions of many on but a few.”

The four of you sat together for a while, discussing the upcoming council meeting in which your marriage to Thorin would be conversed about more in depth.

“I agree that it’s something that the people need to answer on,” Neldra said, taking a sip of tea that she had prepared earlier.

You reached across the table and poured a fresh cup of tea from the china pot in front of you. “I think we have a strong chance of winning our argument if we go for that stance. The council alone are such a small proportion of the entire population of this kingdom. It just feels like my life will never be easy and it’s always one battle after another.”

“And don’t you ever give up fighting,” Neldra ordered.

“I nearly did give up. I never told anyone but it was just before I met Thorin. About two weeks earlier. I remember standing on a bridge not far from where I worked, and I looked down, wondering whether to jump or not. In those moments I forgot what was worth fighting for as there was so little.” You thought on those memories, the intense emotions beginning to unfurl inside you. But just as the familiar racing of your heart began, just breathed in deep and concentrated on preparing your tea, pushing the pain away. “I’m not saying it out of pity or wanting people to love me and care for me,” you continued, pouring milk into your cup. “Other people don’t always realise the effect they have on you. Ryan never saw how deep the pain was inside me, and he just kept on making it worse the longer we stayed together.”

“But you fought your way out of it,” Neldra told you. Her bright eyes were wide and she offered a kind smile. “You kept on fighting, and look where your life has led you. Things may not always be easy, but all of the beautiful things that you encounter are worth the darker days.”

“I agree,” Dis said, sipping her tea. “I could have given up when my Vili was taken from me, but our boys kept me living. Pain and suffering are a test of our character, and believe me, I know your character is enough to withstand the responsibility that comes with sitting on a throne. Both you and Thorin have endured your hardships, proving yourselves as rulers.”

***

You woke the next morning to see Thorin sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to you.

“Did you sleep well?” Thorin asked, knowing you were awake from feeling movement in the bed behind him and hearing your groan upon entering the waking world. “You were fast asleep when I came back last night. Your nightmares seem to have lessened.”

You got up from the bed and shifted behind your fiancée, curling your arms around his shoulders and you kissed his cheek. However, you became so wrapped up in the moment that your lips began caressing down his jaw and then back up to his ear. Your hand reached down his chest, moving further towards his navel and then into his lap.

Thorin groaned as you grasped his erection and began to massage it through your hand.

Shortly afterwards, both you and Thorin satisfied from a round of rigorous love making, you began to get dressed for the council meeting ahead. Neldra was on hand, taking your nightgown from you to be washed and then handing your gown for the day behind your dressing partition.

Once you had put on your crimson and silver dress, along with matching slippers, you combed through your hair and then applied a little perfume. A quick glance in the mirror, making you grimace, was all you needed to know that you looked presentable for the meeting. However, your innards were beginning to make your anxiety known. Pounding heart, dry mouth, nausea and headache.

“I have made you some camomile tea to calm you this morning,” Neldra told you.

“Thank you,” you replied, stepping from behind your dressing area. “Any word on who is attending?”

Thorin looked up from the papers before him. “All of those who were present last night, I assume. Every one of them said they would be present this morning.”

You ate breakfast with a shaking hand, leaving most of your food untouched, including your cup of tea.

“You need to eat,” Neldra advised. “I know you are nervous about today’s events, but you must eat. It will keep up your strength.”

“I can’t,” you groaned. “Every piece that goes in my mouth feels as though it’s going to come straight back up again.”

“Do not push her,” Thorin advised Neldra. “If her nerves will not allow her to eat then make sure she has food prepared for when our meeting is concluded.”

“Yes, my Lord,” Neldra replied and exited the room.

***

The large room where your meeting was to be held was filling with people. Council members, guards, Thorin’s Company, Tauriel, Dis. There were easily forty people all sat around the room, on seats which had been organised in horizontal lines. Two seats were prepared at the front of the room, overlooking everyone else. These would be yours and Thorin’s seats for the duration of the meeting.

Once everyone was seated, Thorin got to his feet and thanked everyone for attending. You tried not to focus your gaze on anyone in particular as you knew a lot of stares were on you. You could feel the heat from those that hated and opposed you.

“I have called this meeting in response to the request that I do not wed the woman sat beside me. And, that is out of the question. One way or the other we shall be wed and she shall carry the title of Queen,” Thorin told everyone, his voice full of authority and command. “I’m well aware of secret plotting that has been going on behind closed doors in order to separate us.”

Murmuring and whispers began to echo around the stone hall. And this time you looked out at those sat before you. You could see expressions of confusion and shock on the council’s face who were sat on the front most row. However, one particular council member who was sat directly in front of you, stared at you. He had his arms crossed and his dark eyes would not leave you.

“My intention is to speak to the people of this kingdom,” Thorin said again. “After all, we serve them.”

“I object!” a council member shouted, jumping to his feet. He was strangely slim for a Dwarf and had bushy, blond hair and curled moustache, paired with a long, plaited beard. “Why must we get more involved on this matter? We, the council, are here for the good of the people and we know that this _is_ for the good of the people. What kind of message are we giving them by allowing a foreign woman onto the throne next to the King?”

“That the King deserves to rule with the one he loves!” Dis shouted. “I have spent many hours in her company, and know that she is worthy to be given the title of Queen. Her heart is pure and so are her intentions, unlike yours.”

“How dare you!” shouts came, being thrown at Dis. “Your father and grandfather would be ashamed of you!”

Dis got up from her seat, seething in anger and raced around to the front of the room to face the council. “You are all hypocrites and put your interests where it betters you and your pockets. Do not speak to me of our father and grandfather; King Thror helped build this kingdom and make it prosperous.”

“He also went insane and allowed a dragon to…” one voice came.

“Silence!” Thorin bellowed. “We are not here to discuss the previous reign of my forebears. And if any of you disrespect my grandfather in such a way again, I shall have your tongue cut out! We have lived long enough disregarding those from foreign lands and judging their whole race on the actions of only one or two. I have welcomed my nephew’s intended, an Elf maiden from Mirkwood, because her intentions within this realm are just. She helped us in our quest, proving a valuable ally. Now that I have met my wife to be, she has shown that her kindness, dedication and ability to assist in solving problems will be an asset to all of us.”

The room then went quiet and you had the sudden urge to get to your feet. Your heart was pounding, but you needed to speak. “I am well aware that there are many of you who hate me, and were prepared to risk and take the lives of others to separate me from the King. Those who died in the mines at your hands _will_ be avenged for what happened to them.”

Gasps came from various people around the room as you spoke the truth, your words hitting the room like a sledge hammer.

“You know nothing!” the council member who was directly in front of you spat. “You have no evidence or grounds of such an accusation.”

“All we need is a good argument to make people see how manipulative and treacherous you all are,” you continued. Your anger was rising, and your tongue was not going to hold back its bite. Thorin sat back in his seat, smirking at your words, feeling his pride for you swell. “I am sure Hodel can vouch for some of your treachery. He has been a kind friend to me since coming to Erebor. I _will_ continue fighting for my marriage. None of you will take that away from me. _No one_.”

Suddenly from the back of the room you heard a thud and then gasps filled the room as people began diving from their seats towards someone who had fallen to the floor. Immediately you felt dread hit you and without even looking, it was as if you sensed who it was.

You scrambled from your seat and shoved past the bodies of people who were overlooking the collapsed figure.

“Neldra,” you sobbed, shoving at guards to get to your friend. You pulled her into your arms and kept saying her name over and over. Then you shouted, “Get the healers!”


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

 

You sat across from the unconscious form of your best friend. Poisoning. It had been confirmed by the main healer and Oin, who had both checked over Neldra, analysing her laboured breathing and sweating. There was no other possible thing it could be.

Thorin had already ordered a thorough search of Neldra’s bed chamber, her preparation area and your bed chamber, all the places that she occupied the most. Dwalin, Fili, Kili and Tauriel immediately volunteered for the search and were sent to carry the duty out.

Suspicions were racing around your mind, the only logical conclusion that you could come to. It was the council trying to poison you, but Neldra had accidentally become the target instead. Or were they trying to send you a message? And Neldra had been the intended from the beginning? There was only one answer and just the thought of it caused more tears to fall down your red cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Neldra,” you whispered, holding your best friend’s hand. “You asked me to promise you that I’d never break his heart, but it’s the only way to stop this.”

“No, it is not the only way,” a stern voice came from behind you.

Dis stepped into the room towards the bedside candle that was flickering, sending gold light dancing across Neldra’s face. You didn’t even look up, recognising the voice immediately. “More people will keep dying because of me, Dis. Ryan, the men in the southern mine, and now Neldra,” you replied. “She was poisoned. They were aiming for me. It’s obvious. That, or they were sending a message to me, a warning. When I first came here, Neldra made me promise her that I would never break Thorin’s heart…but I can’t see any other way.” You hung your head towards Neldra, holding her hand against your cheek. “Breaking all my promises to him and leaving is the only way…”

“You dare break my brother’s heart and I will hunt you down myself,” Dis warned. “He deserves all the happiness that you give him just by being here. Look beyond ruling Erebor.” Then Dis sighed, whispering your name in exasperation. “Mahal would not have brought you and Thorin together under such impossible circumstances unless it was right.”

“So Neldra’s life hanging in the balance, Ryan being killed, those miners being murdered to separate me from Thorin, and possibly more people being affected is all of Mahal’s will?” you scoffed. “I don’t believe that, Dis. I’ve always respected you as a straight talking and logical woman, but you’re being ridiculous. You above all people I would have assumed would want me gone to save everyone.”

“Is that truly what you think of me?” Dis asked, offended by your statement. She narrowed her eyes at you. “You think I would see my brother and my would-be sister separated? I would want you gone to see my brother fall into depression? I would want all of this because we’re all too weak to stand up and fight against those bastards who oppose you? You truly have no idea how strong willed Dwarves are. I would have thought you’d have realised that by now.” With that, Dis got up from her seat, giving you one last glare of frustration and stormed out of the room.

A short while later and Thorin came into the healing room and sat beside you. “How is she?”

“Stable at the moment by the looks of it,” you said softly, watching your friend struggle to breathe and beads of sweat drip down her face.

“And how are you, my love?”

“How do you think?” you asked, sarcasm dripping from your tone as you still held onto the trails of your previous conversation with Dis. “I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” You leaned across and pushed yourself into Thorin’s arms, wanting to wake up and realise this was all a dream. The warmth of Thorin’s chest and his strong embrace soothed you in those moments. How could you live without this now; the solid, reassuring and loving embrace of the King Under the Mountain?

Suddenly Kili came rushing into the room, holding a china cup in his hand. Dwalin, Fili and Tauriel were behind him and filed into the room, one after the other. “It was from a cup of tea,” Kili gasped, dashing at you and Thorin. “Smell inside.”

You sniffed inside the cup and wrinkled your nose at a sour, acidic smell coming from the mouthful of camomile tea that had been left in the china mug; your mug of tea from that morning, which Neldra had drank instead. Terror and anger hit your gut, causing you to retch hard. The sour and tangy taste of vomit rested in the back of your throat. “Oh, God,” you groaned. “That was meant for me. That was my cup of tea from this morning but I couldn’t stomach it so Neldra drank it instead.”

“You are to guard the upper halls at all times!” Thorin demanded, looking towards Dwalin and his nephews. “No one enters without my permission, and none of her food or drinks are to be prepared outside of our chambers.”

Your hands shook and you sobbed hard, almost retching again. Thorin took you in his arms, holding you tight. He kissed your head over and over again. “I will stop them, my love,” he growled over you, promising to protect you at all costs. “Dwalin!”

Dwalin stepped up to his King, ready to receive his next demand. “Get the council back in the hall. Mahal, help them,” Thorin spat.

“How about Hodel?” Dwalin asked.

“Him included!” Thorin hissed. “I am not taking any chances in this. Someone dared to try and bring harm to her and they will pay for it! You, Dis and Balin will wait alongside them for me to arrive. Give me an hour.”

Dwalin bowed his head, following Thorin’s order and exited the room.

“Fili, Kili, take Tauriel and do another sweep of the rooms and make sure there is nothing left that will cause harm to anyone,” Thorin told his nephews who were still waiting on their uncle’s demands. “Then come back and take watch over the Queen and Neldra.” After their command was given, Fili, Kili and Tauriel left the room in silence.

The Queen. Those words made you look up from Thorin’s chest, and your gaze connected with his. He smiled at you, love breaking through his anger. “You may not yet be crowned, but you became my Queen as soon as I first saw you.” His words curled around your heart, taking hold. “I will make this right, I promise. I will make this a safe home for you.”

“What kind of Queen would I be to stand by and watch more people die for this crusade of trying to get me gone?” you asked.

“One that is strong and upholds her promises to her King,” Thorin replied. “Neldra loves you and I know that she would gladly sacrifice herself for you to live.”

“You can’t say that,” you cried out, pulling away from Thorin to look upon your best friend. Golden light was still dancing across her face from candles, highlighting the beads of sweat across her cheeks and brow. However, her breathing seemed to be easier now. You approached her and took her hand in yours. “She has as much right to live as anyone else, Thorin. You can’t compare her life to mine.”

“All she has ever done is serve you, my love, and she prays for us often,” Thorin said softly, standing beside you. “I know her heart, and if you had of been in her place, she would have given her last breath with no second thought…for you. She is in Mahal’s hands now, and those men who did this will be brought to justice.”

“She asked me to promise her when I first came here to never break your heart, and if I hadn’t of made that promise to her, Thorin, I would leave,” you told him, looking up at Thorin. “When she was brought in here and laid on that bed, I thought breaking your heart was the only way to make all of this right. I can’t stand by and watch more people die because of me. But I can’t break my promise to her.”

“And what about your promise to me?” Thorin asked, tears filling his eyes. “Does that mean so little to you?”

“If our roles were reversed, don’t tell me that you’d sit there with such a hard resolve to stay and see more people die,” you exclaimed. “Love is beautiful; it brings life. But death is one thing that can’t be undone. All those families, friends and loved ones who are losing someone because of me.”

“You would be willing to let _me_ lose someone? If you leave, death may as well come and take me. My kingdom lose their Queen, Dis loses her sister, Neldra loses her best friend. The child we both want. You would deny them life? You walk away and those men win, and all the lives lost would be for nothing.”

Absently you began to speak, your eyes focused on Neldra. Your mind seemed to be trying to drift away from all the hate and death which was circling you, intent on devouring your happiness and peace like a vulture to carrion. “I asked Neldra, Dis and Tauriel last night why this can be so wrong when it feels so right. Everything I feel when I’m with you is something I’ve never felt before; Ryan made me feel hatred towards myself, made clouds of despair hang around my head. But you,” then you looked at Thorin, feeling your breath hitch at the sight of him. “I feel warmth, joy, see bright light, and I never knew what physical pleasure was until I gave myself to you.”

“And by walking away and letting those men win, you are breaking apart something so beautiful. When I last saw Azog, I was pinned beneath him on the ice at Ravenhill, and I prayed for a second chance. I didn’t want to die. I wanted this; to have a wife, be a father. And Mahal granted me that. Why would he grant that just to take it away? The beauty of life is worth fighting for, and we have to keep hold of that in our hearts. It’s not about gold or treasures, it’s this.” Thorin curled his hand around your cheek and kissed you.

“I love you,” you told him.

***

Dwalin grit his teeth as he watched all the council members file into the main meeting hall and take their seats, awaiting Thorin’s arrival. He and Balin stood at the head of the table, behind the seats that you and Thorin normally occupied in meetings. The traitors would never get away with their actions towards the miners and Neldra; Dwalin would personally see to it if need be. No one dishonoured his King or future Queen.

The grumbling council sat down, talking between themselves, their eyes surveying Dwalin and Balin at regular intervals.

“Why has this meeting been called?” one councilman called.

“The King will inform you when he arrives,” Balin replied, trying hard to hold on to his passive demeanour. He knew that his brother was finding it difficult to hold back the frustration racking through him.

“Has his woman had another meltdown?” a sneer came from another councilman, who was the same man who had been staring at you constantly that morning.

“Shut your mouth!” Dwalin demanded, ready to shoot around the edge of the table, but felt himself pulled back by Balin.

“She has all of you eating out of her hands, doesn’t she?” the sneering councilman called back. “She will bring ruin to all of us. Even the King is blinded by her, all of you are. She is compromising and undermining the very foundations of our kingdom.”

Thorin stormed into the hall, his boots causing thundering echoes to resound around the room. “Do tell me how you have come to that conclusion, councilman?” Thorin growled sarcastically. “So you are admitting that you have motive to attempt to poison her?! We are well aware of your plots. You killed those miners in your attempts to separate us, and now her maid and best friend lies fighting for her life.”

“You have become blinded by outsiders,” the councilman exclaimed, still on his feet before Thorin. “And you are prepared to muddy your royal bloodline for her?”

Thorin narrowed his eyes. “Muddy my bloodline? Councilman, have you ever married?”

By now only one member of the council was vocal. The rest were retreating, becoming anxious by the red hot anger burning in Thorin’s eyes. They knew their King well; he would seek for justice, execution if necessary, especially as the attacks were to target one the King cared for so deeply.

“No, I have never taken a wife. What has this got to do with our meeting?” the councilman snapped.

“ _Everything_!” Thorin boomed. “The fact that you have never taken a wife shows me that love is something you have never felt before…”

“Do not bring my emotions into this, my Lord.”

“You have made this whole tirade about your emotions, and I have noticed how the rest of the council have remained suspiciously silent. You are the ringleader to this game, I assume? Tagging them all along like sheep, and you are their shepherd? Intent on breaking apart families through the killing of innocents,” Thorin continued, walking towards the councilman. He held his arms behind his back and his face was stern; jaw clenched and eyes still alight. “And all to right a wrong in your mind. Mmmm?” Thorin cocked his head to the side and stared at the councilman.

The councilman’s lack of response and denial screamed to Thorin that everything was being fuelled by this one man. All of the other council members had been pulled along, being swept up in his lies, propaganda and hatred.

“And you even had the audacity to call upon the councils from the other kingdoms,” Thorin said softly, his voice deepened with fury. “You know that the act of treason is punishable by death?”

A gasp came from the rest of the council. “My Lord, you can’t!” one cry came.

Thorin spun on his heel towards the voice. “Tell that to those miners who lost their lives and tell that to my maid who is fighting for her life! Why should I not execute him here on the spot? He has dared to try and poison my wife to be, our future Queen!”

Thorin turned back to the accused and stepped further towards him, his face mere inches from the councilman’s. “I would rip you apart myself,” Thorin growled, his teeth bared. The councilman merely stared back, remaining still and silent. “You will leave Erebor, and take the rest of these traitors with you. I will address the other councils myself and tell them of your plots and schemes. You have until sundown to collect your belongings and leave. Failure to do so and you will be killed on sight.” Thorin reached out and grabbed the councilman by the throat, unable to hold back but having just enough self control to not take the breath from him. “And make sure that any other traitors go with you. I know there are more of you beyond the council, and any of you found after today will face execution.”

The King shoved the councilman away, watching him stumble over the seat behind him.

“Dwalin, Balin, take the rest of our returned Company, including my nephews, and make sure the ex council members do not attempt to warn others or remain within the kingdom. The head guard of the southern mine, he is not to be trusted. Make sure he leaves, too,” Thorin ordered. “Hodel is not to leave but I want him tracked at all times.”  

The whole time of the meeting and Dis had been watching from the back of the room, fearing that this was far from over. Ejecting only the council members and one guard would not be enough to make sure that the future Queen was protected. A foreboding began to stir in Dis’ stomach.

As the council members began hissing to each other, scrambling to get out of the hall, Dis approached Thorin. “I do not believe this is over,” she said. Her brother sighed in response and turned to look at her.

“What else can I do, Dis?” Thorin asked. He was frustrated, full of fatigue, and somewhere in the back of his mind, knew that Dis was right. “We do not know how far they have infiltrated and who else believes in their cause. But we cannot wait for them to strike again. The kingdom needs to be made aware that if anyone dares to cause disruption or harm, they will be punished and I will not be so merciful.”

***

That afternoon and Thorin set up a table and chair in the healing room so he could remain beside you as you watched over Neldra. He began penning letters to the other Dwarf kingdoms, explaining of the acts which had been committed within Erebor, threatening lives and taking others. As he penned his letters and you watched over your best friend, Tauriel brought you both drinks and food.

“Thank you,” you whispered to the Elf maiden, drawing your fur robe in around yourself. The air had grown cold and the candles were beginning to burn low. You held the warm cup in your hands and sipped from it, feeling tiredness set in.

“I must attend the funerals of the miners tomorrow morning,” Thorin told you, finally finishing the last of the six letters. The last one was to be sent to his cousin, Dain Ironfoot of the Iron Hills. “I plan on making my announcement regarding the council being exiled.”

“Do you think it’s a good idea announcing it then? It’s going to be an emotional day for their families. Maybe you should leave it a few more days. Allow the families to grieve,” you proposed.

“You are right, my love,” Thorin sighed, dropping his quill. “Do you wish to rest and bathe? I will stay with Neldra.”

You looked up at Thorin and gave him a weak smile. “If you don’t mind. I’ll go and have a bath, but will come straight back to stay with her tonight.”

Before leaving the room, you looked at Neldra once more and prayed that she would make a recovery. She had been your first friend in your new home, and all she had been was kind, loving and supportive of you. Neldra was the friend and mother you had always needed.

***

You rested in the hot water of your bath, feeling your muscles begin to relax. However, your gut clenched, followed by your chest and you sobbed. The world you had once hated, which clawed at your mind, bringing down your security in yourself and your overall wellbeing, had been easy. You had stayed in a dead end relationship because it was easy and because through society’s eyes that was what you should have done. As long as you were in a relationship, showing to the world that you were validated by a partner, that was all anyone cared about. Staying with Ryan through his verbal outbursts, the meaningless and pleasure-less sex, the months of mental turmoil and self doubt…all of that had been easy. It was easier than building up your own strength to face the world alone.

You were a coward. And now you were terrified to remain faithful to your promises. To fight for something that was real. To begin living a life that was not easy. Again, you thought on Thorin’s touch. The very first time he had ever touched you, which was when he cupped your cheek, asking your permission for contact in your bedroom. _May I?_ In just those few seconds as his calloused palm brushed your warm cheek, and you had felt more pleasure than you ever had in the entirety of your relationship with Ryan.

The thought crossed your mind again as you looked at your engagement ring and Thorin’s ring, engraved with his family crest, on a golden chain. They were both sitting on the edge of the bath. The thought to leave Erebor. Leave in the middle of the night and save everyone from the possible impending carnage.

After washing, you rose from the bath and began drying your hair and body. Your weeping had stopped, leaving you feeling absent from the world as if drifting. Sometimes when you were at your worst periods of feeling overwhelmed, it was as if your brain would use its defence mechanism of temporarily removing you from the reality around you. And you dried your body, your arms moving, going through the motions but your mind not really conscious of any of it.

By the time you were dressed and you began to focus, your conscious mind drawing back to the present.

You opened the door leading into your private bathroom with Thorin, and smiled at Tauriel who had been waiting for you the entire time outside. “All fresh and sparkly clean,” you laughed, the smile only present between your lips and not reaching your eyes.

Tauriel remained quiet for most of the walk back down to the healing chamber. You both walked past men and a few women of the kingdom, none of them taking much notice of you. But you felt as if each and every one hated your every breath, intent on dragging you down into the depths of despair to see you split from the King. “I feel like everyone is watching me,” you whispered to Tauriel, edging that little closer to the Wood Elf maiden. Tears were stinging your eyes and your whole body was shaking whilst your mind told you that all these people you were walking past wanted you dead.

You then felt Tauriel take your hand, gripping it in hers. “You are safe,” she replied. Upon catching sight of her pale green gaze, you knew that she believed that. All of those who were true to Thorin and the wants and calls of his heart, would protect you.

You stopped for a moment at the bottom of a stairwell and looked at your friend again. “Thorin talks as if I’m this fearless, strong woman who everyone adores, but none of it is true,” you said, wiping dripping tears from your face. “He doesn’t see how terrified I am and how much I hate myself. I’m not a Queen, Tauriel. He needs someone like Neldra, not me.”

“I have seen you stand up to the council,” Tauriel replied, leaning in closer to you. “There is a fighter inside you, and you must believe she is there. It is only natural to be scared by such predicaments; you are not weak for feeling such a way, mellon nin. If we did not feel fear, then courage would not exist. There can never be courage without fear.”

“I wish I was strong like Thorin,” you said, closing your eyes.

“You are, but rather than being strong like him, you’re strong like you.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: A bit of a silly note, but I post this chapter in memory of my dog, Yuna, who passed away 2 years ago today on 17th November 2016. I was out at a fayre today and noticed a toy in a basket, a black dog toy, just like the one that I describe that the reader has had since a child. That small thing was always a gentle nod to my dog, in memory of her, but seeing the toy today, I just had to buy it and then it made me want to write more of this story. 
> 
> So, this chapter is in honour and memory of Yuna - March 31st 2003 - November 17th 2016.

  
CHAPTER TWENTY

You remained by Neldra’s bedside for a further three days. All of your meals were brought to you and the only time you left her was when you went to bathe and get changed. Thorin would then remain by Neldra’s side. However, on the third evening that you were beside Neldra, Thorin brought up your absence from the bedchamber at night.

“Would you come to me tonight?” he asked, taking a seat beside you. Thorin had first intended to stay beside you in the healing chamber, but it had been proposed by Balin that you separate, due to the chance of anyone trying to gain access to your chambers at night. The chamber itself was being guarded by Tauriel and Gloin.

You looked at Thorin, offering a weak smile. You reached for his hand, taking it, and placed a kiss against it. “I can’t leave her,” you said softly, yawning.

“My love, the healers will keep her comfortable and looked after. Come and rest. You aren’t sleeping properly down here,” Thorin replied. He got up from his seat, your hand still in his. “Come. I will ask Tauriel to stay with her tonight. Maybe I’m selfish, but I miss you at night. The bed is cold.”

You couldn’t deny that you missed him in return, and this had been the longest stint of time that you had both gone without intimacy. Lovemaking had become such an integral and natural part of your courtship with Thorin, and both of you were yearning for the chance to be alone together.

A short while later, once Tauriel had arrived, to relieve you of your night watch over Neldra, you left the healing chamber with Thorin. He held his arm tight around your waist, keeping you close to his side. The tensions of the last week were resting so heavy on both of you. Only the day previous and Thorin had attended the funeral of the men who had died in the southern mine, and for the rest of the evening he had been almost silent.

As with every time you walked the halls now, you felt like eyes were on you. Each person that walked past you and you flinched, drawing back against Thorin. But he continued to hold you tight, letting you know that he wasn’t about to let go of you.

“Have you eaten?” Thorin asked quietly as you ascended a flight of steps towards the royal quarters. “I can have food brought to us.”

“Not much, but I’m not hungry,” you replied. Every time you ate and it felt like a deadweight dropping into your gut.

Outside your bed chamber door and Thorin reached inside his robe for the key. Whenever your bedchamber was unoccupied, it was to be locked. Another thing you had to do to make sure you were safe from the potential harm that could come to you. A chaperone was always at your side, and you often, sarcastically, wondered if you could even relieve yourself without someone watching over you.

Fatigue was beginning to wash over you even stronger now, but being alone with Thorin caused a rising of something exciting to stir in the pit of your stomach. And as if on cue to your thoughts, you felt Thorin brush against you behind, gently removing your robes from your shoulders. They fell to the floor and his lips began nuzzling your neck, his hands drifting down your arms. The pleasure began to surge through you, that arousal that only Thorin could ignite. Flashes of the first time you made love to him passed before your closed eyes. He had stepped into the shower behind you, and then the two of you had made your way to the bed, giving in to that overbearing desire to be one.

Something felt so wrong about this. Spending time with your fiancée; preparing to enjoy each other’s bodies, and your best friend was still fighting for her life down in the lower levels of the mountain kingdom. But you knew that Neldra would not want you to halt your life; she had constantly been your true support and champion, next to Thorin.

Thorin’s arms wrapped around you and he held his head on your shoulder for a few seconds, sighing against your skin. “You are cold, my love. I’ll light a fire and request food for us. Come and prepare for bed whilst I call for Dwalin,” Thorin told you.

You felt goose bumps rise on your flesh, the chilled air brushing all over you like a sheet. You carried out your normal night time routine: undress, re-dress into your night clothes and robe, brush your hair and wash your face. Every time you had to face yourself in the mirror and your gaze drifted, losing focus so you didn’t have to watch yourself too closely.

Chatter came from by the door. It was both Thorin’s and Dwalin’s voices. You remained silent, brushing through your hair and sliding your feet into your night slippers.

“Evening, Lass,” Dwalin said, offering a smile and quick nod of his head as you appeared from behind your dressing partition. 

“Dwalin,” you replied simply.  

Whilst Thorin was on his knee in front of the fireplace, getting a fire started, and Dwalin had disappeared to get help in preparing food, you sat in bed, your journal out on your lap. The prospect of food was making you hungry and it sparked you to begin writing, your stomach gurgling as your hand formed the sentences on the page.

**_Day 60 in Erebor:_ ** _Everything seems to be spiralling out of control again. I want to say that my life is happy, peaceful and I’m content. I actually thought that I was just about to achieve that when everything began to fall apart again. Neldra, my truest friend, is still unconscious, and I’m alive, living with this constant guilt and fear on my shoulders._

_I pray every night for peace and to just live my life happily with Thorin. And I don’t even know who I’m praying to. Is it Mahal who Thorin and Neldra are always referring to? Is this ‘god’ really in charge of my destiny with Thorin? Did he bring us together? I still wake up every morning, thinking that all of this is just a dream and I’m back with Ryan and Mom and Dad._

_Why me? Of everyone in existence, why was I the one chosen to be Thorin’s One? I can look back on my entries and see that question asked so many times, because I know that there’ll never be an answer to it. All I can do is go along with it and trust that it’s right._

_I need to be thankful. Above everything else in my life, I need to be thankful. I could have still been living a lie, being emotionally and mentally torn apart every day. But Thorin saved me from it all and brought me here._

You put the quill down, not quite sure how to continue your entry. These same questions you had asked yourself were littered throughout your journal in almost every entry since meeting Thorin in the flesh.

_I need to let go and trust that this is right._

With a sigh, you put your journal and quill down on the bedside table next to your stuffed dog toy and watched as Thorin approached the bed. A fire was beginning to crackle in front of you, opposite the bed.

Thorin removed his robes from his shoulders, slipping his tunic and belt off and placed them neatly over the couch at the end of the bed. You looked upon his broad chest which was bare to the chilled air and you shivered with delight. He smirked, noticing your reaction to him. Slowly he slipped onto the bed, remaining on the top of the sheets and edged towards you. He reached out, drawing his hand up your face and kissed you hungrily. You couldn’t help but move forward into the kiss and groan beneath it. Then you felt Thorin gently push you back and he arched himself over you, his one hand still in your hair and the other drifting up your thigh, pushing your nightdress up.

“We shouldn’t. Not just yet,” you gasped, pulling from the kiss. “We’re still waiting on food and anyone could walk in.”

Thorin smirked again. “You must remember, my love, we are the King and Queen. People should not be just barging into our room unannounced or uninvited.”

However, Thorin respected your wishes and moved so he was sat beside you. You rested against him, your head on his chest. “I love you,” you whispered, closing your eyes and placing a kiss against his bare skin. “All those times I’ve questioned being here, it’s never been because of not loving you. I love you more than anything.” Then you looked up at him, your gaze locking with his.

“I have never doubted our love, not once. But you must know in your heart that this is your home and no one will ever change that,” Thorin began. “I will not see you chased out, treated like you have no right to be amongst us. I received word today from four of the kingdoms that they wish to visit us and discuss the issues that we’ve faced in council. The other two I have yet to receive a response from. I’m hoping to plan a visit for all of them and we can conclude this ridiculous…”

“It’s not ridiculous, Thorin,” you told him, drawing away from his chest. “I’m not one of your people, and there are always going to be people who don’t want to see me rule next to you. We have to face that reality. You’re such proud people who want to keep your heritage and lineages pure, and I understand that. It’s something that will always be there in any race of people.”

“And those people are denying happiness to those who wish to marry outside of their race,” Thorin said, growling under his breath.

“Think about this, would you have had the same mindset if we hadn’t of met?”   

“I’d rather not think on if we never met,” Thorin replied sternly. And then the door knocked. “Enter!”

Tauriel opened the door quickly, her face full of concern and her eyes wide. “We need you both back in the healing chambers; Neldra is awake, but Oin does not think she will make it through the night. She is asking for you.” Tauriel looked at you, directing the last statement to you.

By the time you had returned to the healing chamber, you dashed inside, smiling at the sight of your best friend, awake. She was propped up a little in the bed and her eyes became full of happiness and relief.

“Neldra,” you whispered, dashing into her arms. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I’m sorry…” your voice trailed off and you began to weep on her.

Despite her being weak, Neldra held you tight. “I haven’t got much time left with you. I’m just so thankful I have been given this chance to say goodbye to you.”

You pulled from Neldra’s embrace. “Don’t say that!” you wept. “You’re going to be fine.” Terror hit you and you turned towards Oin. “Please, don’t let anything happen to her.”

“This is out of my hands, Lass. Her body is failing,” Oin told you, placing a hand on your shoulder.  

“Don’t allow the grief to rob us of the time we have left,” Neldra told you. “It has been an honour to serve you, but more important than that, you’ve given me such a beautiful friendship. My only wish would have been to see you married.”

As you wept harder, placing your head on Neldra’s lap, Thorin turned to Dwalin who had since appeared in the room. “Get Balin in here now,” he demanded.

Neldra brushed her hand through your hair, cradling you on her lap. “I’m going to be with my husband and son,” she told you. “Now, look at me.” You did as Neldra asked and looked up at her, her bright eyes on you and a smile between her lips. “Promise me that you will keep fighting. Never give up; dark days will come, but you will see them through. You have a kingdom to rule.”

Thorin’s reassuring touch came to your shoulder as he stood beside you.

“It should have been me, Neldra. Not you,” you said, the tears drying against your skin. “They intended to kill me…”

“But they didn’t,” Neldra replied. “Mahal wanted you here and for you to live. Do not live with guilt in your heart, dear one. I’m happy to take the place that would have been yours. I’ve lived many years now, and you have an amazing future ahead of you.”

Balin entered the chamber and stood before Thorin, awaiting his command. Dis had also come back alongside Balin and waited towards the back of the room.

“I intend to honour the last wish of Neldra,” Thorin said, reaching into the inside pocket of his tunic. From it he took out the silk that had kept his shard of mirror safe. “Will you perform the binding ceremony?”

With a nod of his head, Balin took the silk from Thorin’s hand and folded it, and then handed it to Neldra. “Will you both take hands?” he asked, looking at you and Thorin.

You couldn’t speak, a lump being lodged in your throat and tears pouring down your cheeks. Thorin took your shaking hand in his own and guided you towards Neldra who was holding the silk. Awkwardly, Neldra sat up in bed, her body weak and not far from giving out. She placed the silk around both of your hands and looked upon you, smiling, and then you noticed the tears falling down her red cheeks. “Thank you,” she told Thorin.

“I bring you both today before Mahal, amongst friends, family and witnesses. Thorin, son of Thrain, do you pledge your life, loyalty and heart to this woman before you?”

Thorin looked at you, his face full of so much love. This was the moment he had been waiting for share with you for months, only he wished it had been under better circumstances. “Always,” he said, his voice only just holding on to the edge of composure.

Balin then directed the same question to you. You kept your eyes on Thorin and then as you were about to speak your words, you looked upon Neldra. With your free hand, you held hers and then turned back to Thorin. You swallowed hard, your heart beating at a frantic pace. “With everything I have inside me. Now and forever,” you replied.

“I now declare you companions, an unbreakable partnership, King and Queen, bound before the mighty Mahal, for eternity,” Balin said. “May he always guide your steps and bring you peace.”

Thorin drew his hand up your cheek and kissed you. As your kiss ended, he pressed his forehead to yours. “My love and my wife,” he whispered.

Neldra watched you both, feeling peace spread through every inch of her body. Her laboured breathing and spent muscles seemed to have given in completely to such contentment. And she couldn’t help but smile, watching you and Thorin share your first kiss as husband and wife. “Now go and share your first night together as husband and wife,” she told you.

“What do you mean?” you asked, spinning around. “I’m staying down here with you. We don’t have much time left and I want to cherish every second.”

“You must consummate your marriage,” Neldra said and by now you could sense that she did not have long left in this world.

“Neldra,” you whispered, moving in closer. “Thorin and I have years together, but I only have a short time with you. Please.”

“She is right,” Thorin replied, stepping beside you and looking at Neldra. “You both need your time together. I shall give you time alone.”

“No, my King,” Neldra begged. “I love both of you and want to share my last breaths with both of you. And with all those I consider friends.”

***

Tauriel made everyone drinks and vacated the room, however, she was ushered back in by Dis. “You were her friend as well,” Dis said. The whole healing chamber had filled with friends of Neldra; you, Thorin, Tauriel, Dis, Fili, Kili, Dwalin and Balin. Oin would come in and out at intervals, his attention having to be divided. Gloin was still guarding the door patiently.

Once everyone had taken seats, laughter began to resound. Fili and Kili were disappointed that they had not been witness to their uncle’s wedding, but were now adamant to get front row seats to your official crowning. You and Thorin remained side by side, hand in hand, temporarily forgetting the grief of what was about to come. Both of you allowed the waves of laughter, reminiscence and happiness to pull you upwards.

“We’re waiting for the baby next!” Kili said, laughing. “It definitely won’t be long until we get a cousin.”

You couldn’t help but laugh and feel a blush hit your cheeks. “I’d love nothing more, believe me,” you said.

“Both of us would,” Thorin said.

“I think you’ll have a boy,” Fili piped in.

Thorin looked at you, his eyes full of question and then he smirked. “No, our first will be a girl.”

“And how do you know that?” you asked, turning your head to one side.

“Because you’re already carrying her,” Neldra said softly. “Remember when I said that I can sense things about people? You’ve been pregnant about six weeks now, by my reckoning.”

“I think we’re all getting a bit ahead of ourselves here,” you cried, jumping up from the chair. Tears began to stream down your face. A child? And your wedding? All in one day. But you had to lose something in return.

The room went quiet and Thorin got up beside you, throwing the rest of the room a very disgruntled look. He took you in his arms, staring at everyone else over your shoulder. “Get out, all of you!” he growled.

“What did we do?” Kili said, sounding like a whiny child.

“Don’t!” Thorin warned. “Just leave us.”

As everyone else filed out of the room, Kili whispered something to Dis but then found himself being slapped up the back of his head. “Stop it and get out!” Dis demanded, mirroring Thorin. But Dis did not follow everyone out, she waited by the door.

“I did not mean to upset you,” Neldra said, her voice growing hoarse again. “I should not have said what I did.”

“No, never think that,” you said, wiping tears away from your face. “It’s just, I’m gaining so many beautiful things, but I’ve got to let go of you.”

“But look at everything else you have, dear one. Not just Thorin and your child, but you have a new family, friends. You have so much. Think of me fondly, but do not hold on to me. My King,” she rasped, looking upon Thorin. “Take care of her. My only sadness is that I cannot be laid with my husband as his body was never brought home, nor my son’s.”

“Then I shall prepare a place for you alongside where the Queen and I shall find our own eternal rest,” Thorin told Neldra. “Then you shall be alongside family as I hope you have regarded us as family.”

“Thank you,” Neldra rasped again, and only seconds later she let go of her last breath.


	21. Chapter 21

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

 

You looked upon Neldra’s form, noticing how pale her skin now looked, the dryness of her lips and the very slight blue hue beginning to appear on her cheeks. It looked as if she were sleeping and the winter’s chill had decided to cling to her, seeing her as means to be a welcome guest. And then it hit you: she wasn’t sleeping. She would never wake up. She would never share another conversation with you, another morning cup of tea, another laugh, another sigh…The only thing you would ever be able to share was her memory, through your heartfelt words of gratitude and love. Her final wish, to see you married to the King, had been granted, but there was no happiness.

Neldra had been dead now for two hours and all you could do was watch on, numb. There were no words which could describe the ache inside you that had spread outwards, devouring everything. She should have lived and been able to spend many years with you as your friend, your servant, a would-be mother.

Oin approached you slowly, unsure of how to broach the next subject with you. “Um, Lass?” he asked, sighing.

“Yes?” you whispered, looking at Oin for a split second and then allowing your attention to shoot back to Neldra.

“You should maybe begin considering her burial clothing…” Oin coughed.

You shook your head, breaking from your reverie. “I suppose you’re right,” you replied, your voice sounding distant.

***

Thorin had since disappeared down into his family crypt, taking two stonemasons with him, along with Dwalin and Balin. He knew this was going to be a long night and rubbed his temples, feeling a headache beginning to descend. He had promised Neldra a burial place next to his family so as she would never be alone. After all, Neldra had been family; maybe not by blood, but by deeds, and by her love for you.

He looked upon the tombs of his grandfather, his brother Frerin, his mother. This was where he would one day be interred alongside you. Thorin sighed as he looked around, reading the Dwarvish runes, paying homage to his family and ancestors.

Dwalin could sense the King was troubled and placed a consoling hand on his friend’s shoulder.

***

It was a long night for both you and Thorin. You remained with Neldra, absently looking at the dresses which Tauriel had selected from her wardrobe. “I can’t do this,” you wept, throwing one of Neldra’s best gowns on the floor. Dis had also entered the room and dashed to you, taking you in her arms. You cried on your sister-in-law, your shoulders shuddering. Both of your friends looked at each other, feeling tears sting their eyes. They knew you carried the weight of Neldra’s death on your shoulders, bearing guilt for her life being claimed when it should have been yours. The poison had been intended for you.

Dis selected a gown for Neldra’s burial; a bright, yellow dress with silver stitching around the chest and arms. It would signify the light that she was to so many lives, Dis thought.

Then you watched as Neldra’s body was fully prepared, her gown being put on and then she was moved into another chamber, ready for her tomb. As you watched her disappear out of the room, you wept again. Thorin entered the room, hearing your inconsolable sobbing and stopped in his tracks, feeling a deep ache in his chest. Was he selfish for asking Balin to wed you both on the same night Neldra would take her last breath? The dichotomy of such a question would remain with Thorin for some time.

Dis and Tauriel remained either side of you and Thorin continued to watch. All he wanted was to take this pain from you, cure you of this hurt. But it was impossible. Not even the revelation that you may have been with child had lifted you.

_Anything you ask and it will be done._ He’d spoken those words to you so many times, promising to always give you what you desired. But here was one such time he could not follow through with that promise.

“Can you leave us?” Thorin asked, stepping fully into the room and coming to a stop behind you.

Dis and Tauriel nodded their heads, adding no words and exited.

You looked up at your husband, watching as he pulled a seat across and sat down beside you. He watched your tears still falling down your face and felt his throat quiver, the emotions overwhelming him. “I wish I could take all of this from you,” he said, his voice breaking. Thorin breathed deeply, trying to push away the impending tears. He had to be strong for you, to carry you though.

“No one can take this from me,” you replied, taking his hand.

“I want to try,” Thorin replied. “I know it was selfish of me to ask we be wed today…”

“No,” you said. “You were honouring Neldra’s last wish, and I thank you for that. All she ever did was pray for us to be happy and have a child. But I don’t think she ever realised how important she is to me. She thought that I could easily be happy now that we’re married and I may be pregnant, but I can’t just ignore the fact she’s gone.”

“She gave her life for you so that we could wed and have our child. Her sacrifice will never be forgotten, I swear it.”

A short while later and you left the healing rooms, taking the walk back to your bed chamber. It was quiet, a little too quiet. Only guards were on duty and even their presence had become a little scarce this time of night. You walked with Thorin, arm in arm, silent. Once more you had become numb; the pain seemed to come in bursts, overtaking you completely and then disappearing, leaving you unable to feel the slightest hint of anything.

In your bed chamber and Thorin stood behind you, silent and helpless. What could he do? Your wedding night should have been a joyous occasion, but instead it marked the day that Neldra had been taken from your lives. Your anniversaries in the years to come would always bear a bittersweet reminder of a dying servant’s last wish to her King and best friend.

“I’m being selfish,” you mumbled, releasing your robe from your shoulders.

“How are you selfish, my love?” Thorin asked, stepping around you to stand before you.

Your gaze was vacant as you looked towards the four poster bed. “Today should be full of joy now that we’re married and we should be declaring that through consummating it, but I can’t…” your words trailed off. “I can’t insult Neldra’s memory like this. The night she dies, jump into bed with my husband and try to pretend it never happened.”

Thorin stepped closer to you, listening to you as you spoke. His tear-filled eyes watched you as your face crumpled beneath the pain.

A tear fell down your cheek as you looked upon your husband. “You both saved me…”

Thorin embraced you, holding you tight against himself. He kissed your head and closed his eyes. “The love you needed was always here, waiting for you.”

You looked up at Thorin and felt nothing but love, unrelenting, wild and never ending. Then you kissed, needing and hungry. Everything else fell away…

Both of you lay beneath the covers. Thorin held you tight, your lips still locked, and slowly your hands began to drift down his body, delving into his clothing. You needed Thorin, so much more than you had ever needed anything or anyone else. He strengthened you, helped you stand tall with your head high.

Thorin eased your grief; he could never take it away completely, but his presence made it more bearable, manageable. He entered you slowly, an unspoken agreement between both of you. Neither of you had to speak to know this was what you wanted; your minds and spirits had become fused, synchronised. You grasped your husband’s hands tight, your hips rocking together, and you continued kissing. Your rhythm kept going, slow, deep.

The King’s climax came, and as it did, he sighed against you, riding it out. It should have been exciting, electric and overwhelming, but instead, it felt as if a great weight were being shifted from his gut temporarily, and relieving a deep ache.

You kissed Thorin, feeling him fall against your chest where you held him.

A while later and Thorin lay on his side behind you, his arm over you, holding you tight against his body. He knew you had fallen asleep just after your lovemaking. The palm of his hand ghosted up your stomach sleepily, and he smiled, thanking Mahal. You were the biggest blessing in his life and now another was on its way. He rested his face against your shoulder and neck, smelling you.

Neldra would always be in your heart, Thorin knew that, but he prayed to himself before sleep took him that one day you would see past the grief and let her go.

“Be at peace, my love,” Thorin whispered to you, kissing your head again. “You carry too much weight of death on your shoulders. Let the beauty of life take its place.”

***

Bodies were all around you, Dwarves piled atop one another. You stepped around them, your heart hammering so hard that you could feel bile in your throat. Something flickered in your stomach and when you looked down, you saw your belly was now swollen, a sign you were heavily pregnant.

Voices whispered behind you, and fog began to descend.

Instinctively, you held your stomach, as if wanting to protect your child further.

_“Why did we have to die for you to live?”_

_“You’re dead, slut!”_

_“It should have been you.”_

The resentment and anger filled all those familiar voices of people who had died because of you. Out of the fog you felt their hands grab you, pinching you. “Oww!” you called out, spinning around to try and find where the offending hands were. But you couldn’t see past your own face. A white sheet was covering everything now, nothing could penetrate it.

Suddenly you woke, gasping for air. Terrified, you checked your arms and sat bolt upright. Nothing. No marks or bruises. Just a dream.

“My love?” Thorin’s voice came. That one voice which could soothe you, rubbing your wounds and easing the sharp pain. Thorin had been lay beside you, reading over contracts to be signed with neighbouring towns for trade deals. “Have the dreams returned?”

You never answered Thorin’s question and twisted yourself, edging out of bed.

“Come and rest,” Thorin encouraged, pulling you back gently with his hand on your shoulder. “I’ll go and call for breakfast.”

Then you realised: Neldra normally brought your breakfast. How could you have forgotten? You closed your eyes and let the pain begin to splinter through you, ripping you. And you had done the very thing you promised not to: made love to your husband, and then temporarily forgot that she was now gone from this world. How could you do such a thing?

You lay back with your head on your pillow and you looked up at the ceiling, glass-eyed and feeling as though you were drifting. Thorin moved closer to you and brushed the back of his hand down your cheek. “I heard them; all the people who have died because of me. They were haunting me, asking why they died and I lived. Even Ryan. I came out of that healing room, vowing to honour her memory and I forgot her. We made love, forgetting she’d died, giving in to selfish desires. Putting her away as though she never existed,” you meandered. You voice was distant, almost detached.

“She gave you her blessing to let her go,” Thorin replied. “She’s with her family and her forefathers, in waiting. My love, your family is here.” Then to emphasise his words, Thorin placed his hand on your stomach. “She died happy and now you must live. How would she feel knowing that you are carrying the weight of her death? You are not honouring her memory by chastising yourself.”

Thorin left you to continue your contemplations and he called for breakfast and a gift for you. He stood outside your door, in the empty hallway, having given his requests to a nearby servant, and pressed his back against the wall.

_What do I do? Mahal, help me. Give me the right words to comfort her with. Grace me with your wisdom. Prepare me to be the husband she needs and deserves._

Thorin remained quiet as he re-entered your room, bracing himself. You were still lying down on your bed, eyes glued to the ceiling. You rose slowly, sitting upright and you watched Thorin walk back in.

“I’m sorry,” you said, your gaze connecting with his.

“What ever for?” Thorin asked.

“We’re married and it should be joyous, but instead I’m…” your words trailed off.

Thorin approached you at the side of the bed and sat down next to you. “How many times now have I asked you not to apologise to me? No life is ever free from pain and grief, but we shall receive many joyful days. Think of the birth of our child. I pray for a daughter.”

You couldn’t help but smile. “Really? I thought you’d want a boy to be your heir.”

“I’ve always wished for a daughter,” Thorin replied, reciprocating your smile. “However, who is to say we shall not have more?”

You giggled and rested your head on Thorin’s shoulder. “Princess Neldra-Rose,” you whispered.

And as if on cue, your breakfast arrived, steaming hot and set out on neatly set trays. A second servant walked in behind, holding a large vase of roses.


End file.
